Faith, Family, Forgiveness, God, Identity, Relationships, Spiritual Life

Who’s Your Daddy?

November 19, 2013

If someone were to ask of you what your definition of a father was, would you have an answer? Would your answer change if the perspective altered from an earthly father to a heavenly father?

I want to share a story with you.

Over the last several months I have had the privilege of mentoring a young woman from my church. Within the context of what we have been working on, the lead topic by far has been the rationale of what a father truly is. This young woman has grown up in the church, leads worship, and her grandfather is the head pastor. This young woman fits the typical church family. When we walk into a church we all (myself included) tend to judge without hesitation when it comes to perfection. There are those times we have all said “I wish I had a family like that” or “What makes that family so different, how they seem so perfect.” This young woman fit into that category. It was not until she reached out for help that I knew anything to be different. You see, little did anybody else know that the life she lived at home was far different from the life in which she was daily being judged for.

Through her heavy heart I learned that what was being portrayed on the outside, was far different than what she was feeling on the inside. As we sat leading an all-night worship and prayer set I closely watched as this young woman’s heart began to shatter into a million pieces. What I was oblivious to was that on the inside she was desperate for a fathers love. Little did I know, her entire life was consumed with negative comments, feedback, condescending lies and overall disgust by her father. She was never good enough, never smart enough, and never well off enough to live up to his PERFECT perception of what a daughter should be.

As I began to pray with her and for her; spirit led, I began to ask her some very tough questions. I realized that through every answer she gave me, she was responding through a lens. What lens might you ask? Allow me to elaborate. Despite having a loving God who accepts her as his own and calls her by name as his daughter, this young woman’s perception of God has been dramatically altered due to the hurt she has seen and experienced by her earthly father. As I began to ask her questions regarding God has her ABBA FATHER, she began to answer with a lens. Her entire life she has viewed God not as her heavenly father but as her earthly father. This lens she has placed over her eyes has caused her to see God as everything but good. Her judgments, reactions, feelings, emotions and thoughts towards God have all been viewed as if God was in the same category as her earthly father.

Fast forward now to a few weeks ago. This young woman through prayer and time spent in the word has had her world drastically changed by a living God. I asked something of her (and she has given me permission to share such knowledge with you wonderful ladies) and the results astounded me. I asked her three questions. Question one was “what are your defining characteristics of a good earthly father?” question two was “what are your defining characteristics of a bad earthly father?” and question three was “what are your defining characteristics of God as father?”

Her responses were as follows:

Good earthly father- A man who is secure in who he is; this would be due to the fact that he has a good self-esteem. This also includes a man who builds up his children, encourages them in their walk with God. A man who is supportive. A man who is not looking for his child to make himself look good, but rather simply looking out for his children’s well-being. A man that forgives easily and is quick to ask for forgiveness. A man that acknowledges his imperfections and prays to God for wisdom. Finally, a man who gives his children a home of peace.

Bad earthly father- A man who is so insecure in who he is and so hurting inside that he hurts his children. A man whose hurt spills out upon his children. A man who is selfish and just wants his children to make him good. A man that may tell his children that he loves them, but his actions don’t ever seem to back up his words. A man that doesn’t see when he is in the wrong, and if he does he would never admit it. A man who creates chaos, tension, and anxiety. A man that is not emotionally available, but rather is cold and stoic. Finally, a man that does not show emotions other than anger.

God as a father- A father that tells me I am worthy of the best. A father that is proud to have me as his child. A father who is always love. A father who is not looking for me to perform. A father who is not looking for me to be good enough, for he says I am enough. A father who gives peace. A father who is tender and compassionate. Finally, a father who is a lot of FUN.

After realizing the growth that she has gained in the last few months, I asked her one final question. I asked of her “where did you perception of God as a father arise from?” Her answer was so beautiful.

She simply stated God is a Luke 15 type of Father. In Luke 15:11-31 it talks about the parable of the lost son. She began to explain to me, Heather I am the lost son. I have sinned against my Father in heaven. I have been angry with him, I have hurt him, and I have run in every which direction solely to avoid him. She continued with saying, despite my disobedience he calls me his beloved, despite my ignorance he calls me his daughter. He runs to me with open arms waiting to treasure me for my worth.

This young woman explained to me that all too often we as children of a Godly father feel as if we need to prepare what we are going to say, practice how we are going to present the information, and essentially have everything perfect before we come to God for forgiveness. She states that we feel we are already in the wrong, therefor when we come for redemption, we must come in with perfection. When in fact God calls quite the opposite. He calls the broken of heart so that in him, he is perfection is made piece.

I share this story with you wonderful ladies for no other reason than to say often times we are so hurt by the people around us that we often times look at God through this imperfect lens.

I want to bring back my original question for you ladies. “If someone were to ask of you what your definition of a father was, would you have an answer? Would your answer change if the perspective altered from an earthly father to a heavenly father?”

I ladies am just like you, I am just like this young women. I have been deeply wounded by people in my life. These people have caused my perception of God to be altered. I too have looked through a lens of something other than God. I am here to tell you ladies that it does not matter what has been done to you, WE serve a PERFECT GOD. WE serve a PERFECT FATHER.

I have not a clue writing this who has hurt you in your past or present, or who will hurt you in the future. I am here to tell you however that you are a treasure in the kingdom of heaven. You are never too far gone for a PERFECT GOD to pick up the pieces that have wounded you. I encourage each one of you to look at how you view God, are your views altered because of the wounds that you still carry? Drop them at the foot of the cross and allow a perfect FATHER to hold you tight, and say “YOU ARE WORTHY, YOU ARE MY DAUGHTER, and I LOVE YOU UNCONDITIONALLY.”

HeatherHeather lives in a teeny town in North Dakota where she works with women who have been victims of domestic violence and rape. She loves softball, dogs, music and working with youth. Heather is a general, all around, amazing gal & a special friend to the girls of AGLM.

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  • A Worn Girl November 19, 2013 at 8:24 am

    Thanks for sharing (the both of you!) And for reminding us girls that we don’t have to come in perfection, because we rob Christ of the joy of mending us; broken. Thank you!

  • Heidi November 20, 2013 at 12:45 pm

    Just wanted to say that i’m from North Dakota too! So I have probably heard of this teeny tiny town. :)…This post impacted me in ways you may never know…lots of hurt from my past..I just wanted to say thank you for writing this post.

  • Jen December 5, 2013 at 12:14 am

    This post really made me wonder what my perception of God is. Then when you talked about God being a Luke 15 kind of father and how the young women said that she is the lost son, I realized I am the lost son, too. I’ve done a lot of things in my life that I wish I could take back and yet, when I go to God, He greets me with open arms, forgiveness, and love. Sometimes I feel so unworthy of this but He reminds me that I am His no matter what and I feel at peace.

    I can really relate to this post because my own view of an earthly father was a little skewed for a while. My own father molested me for a long time. It doesn’t really sound like that big of a deal when I tell this to other people, but it did leave a bit of a scar. I have a great relationship with my dad and I don’t think he knows that I know about what he did. My mom definitely does not know. I would hate to tell her and ruin their relationship and have that hanging over my head for a while. But God has helped me to forgive him and move on. And I don’t think that situation really changed how I felt about God or how I viewed Him. I think I’ve always kept the two separate. And I’m grateful for that. I’m so thankful that God is always there for me even when I feel like no one is.

    I don’t think this even relates anymore. I just felt the need to tell someone other than my friends this. Thank you for posting this. It helped. A lot.