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Who’s That Girl Part Two:

May 3, 2012

So…did I tempt you enough with my early years that you’ve come back for more???  I mean, I know my life isn’t “made for tv movie” awesome, but I think it’s fairly exciting.  And with that, it is now time to embark on the most captivating phase of my life- the adult years….

Like I said before, I was a good kid right up until I went to college.  And ironically it was a Bible college I attended where my path to become the prodigal son began. No better place to screw up your life than around a bunch of Christians, am I right?

The unspoken motto at my college was “Ring by spring or your money back.”  I had a friend get engaged every year I was at school.  EVERY YEAR.  So needless to say, the pressure to snag a mate was huge.  Within my first two months at school I had scored a boyfriend and was living the Christian college dream-or so I thought.  I was in student leadership, on the cheer squad, and had a boyfriend on the basketball team.  My school was only 300 kids, so everyone knew my name, and I thought it was awesome.

My boyfriend was a newer believer and had also come from a rough past.  Because of this, my parents felt like he wasn’t a good fit for me and were not supportive of us dating.  Being strong willed, I didn’t listen to them, and thus spent the year not having a relationship with my family.  I got very serious very fast with my boyfriend, and we began to talk about marriage (I was only 18).  As the old story goes: two years, many tears, and several terrible decisions later, that relationship ended.  You’d have thought I learned my lesson.

The summer before my senior year in college brought new hope and a new relationship.  This guy was completely different from my previous boyfriend in every way.  He was a strong believer, student leader, worship pastor at his church, and all the things mommy and daddy love in guy.  But again, we moved too fast too soon, and before I knew it, I was making the same mistakes I did with the last guy.  A year and a half later, that relationship also ended.

In the midst of all of this I had developed a wonderful (sarcasm) way of coping with all of this by not eating.  From the beginning of my freshman year of college until two years after I graduated (six total) I fought being anorexic.  I have never wounded myself or my family as much as I did when I made them walk through those rollercoaster years with me.

Eventually, I got my life back together and found a passion working in music.  It lead me to Nashville and a fresh start.  But old habits die hard and I found myself once again dating a guy, giving up my world and my convictions all over again.  That happened twice before Jeff, my husband, came along.  And in the midst of it all, my father passed away suddenly from a heart attack, leaving me angry and confused with God.

Jeff and I began dating, and well, the rest is history as they say.  But not really.  There are still hurts.  There are still scars from my past that haunt and wound me and even Jeff to this day.  There is still more to my story.  There is more for me to learn and to grow from.  More for me to succeed and certainly fail from.  And hopefully, you and I can take that journey together.  Sharing life.  Sharing our hurts and joy- and reminding ourselves that God has so much more for us than we can even begin to see.  I’m ready to find all that out.  Are you?

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  • Rebecca Orr May 3, 2012 at 7:57 am

    Thanks for sharing your life. It must be hard. I look forward to seeing were this takes you and my and all the other readers. Praying that God uses you in a mighty way!

  • Anna May 3, 2012 at 9:27 am

    Thank you for being honest. And for whatever prompted you to start this website, thank you. As I begin treatment for EDNOS, I have wondered if I will ever have a positive attitude towards food again. Every time that I learn of someone who has made great progress in their own recovery, it gives me hope. This is officially my new favorite website.

  • McKenzie May 3, 2012 at 4:17 pm

    Thanks for sharing Heather. So excited to see how God will use this! :)

  • Bubelaiken May 3, 2012 at 5:37 pm

    okay, this is too weird….
    you know… i am having problems with relationships now… the last relationship i was with a boy when i was 15 year old..and to be honest it is hard for me now…because i seen tons of girls hold hands with their boyfriend and kissing their boyfriend..here i am..having no boyfriend for like 4 years now…and it made me want to have a boyfriend right now… i always says to myself…gosh i need to have a boyfriend now… and i still do to this day… i don’t know why but i think seeing girls holding their boyfriend hand and kissing..it made me want to have a boyfriend even more again again and again.

    i actually had problem with eating in the past as well..i made myself puke but not to the point where it is everyday thing… its more like once a while kind of thng… but i did have eating problem to the point that i have a lot of weight and got everybody telling me that i lost a lot of weight.

    so i can actually feel what you feel back then now…. because of the relationship part.

  • Amy Brooklyn May 3, 2012 at 10:42 pm

    How do you overcome anorexia and how do you get out of that habit of thinking you are not beautiful? I’m a healthy weight (106 lbs at 5-1′) but I feel like unless I look start to look like a Victoria secrets model, guys- even christian guys- won’t even consider me for a relationship….

    • Bubelaiken May 3, 2012 at 11:44 pm

      Amy-for me…it wasn’t easy trying to overcome my eating disorders in the past..I had a thought in my head that I actually started to believe that. My thought was “I’m not good enough” kinda ironic though because with god we are not good enough because of our sins but yet because of his grace he Paid for our sins. I don’t know how I overcome it (my eating disorders) in the past…but there is one thing I learned though about relationships…if we hadn’t been in a relationship in really long time…then god is prepare our hearts so that we can focus on god more and when god is ready to give us a guy in our life is because he felt like we are ready. God is a jealous god after all. He wouldn’t give us boyfriend unless he think it’s a good time for us.

      • Amy May 4, 2012 at 5:51 pm

        Bubelaiken-you’re right, thank for for those reminders of God’s all suffiecency for all our needs and waiting for us to rely on Him before starting a relationship with another human. I agree, sometimes it just hard to be content when I feel so inadequate- but I know in God’s eyes I’m beautiful and I’m forgiven of my sins and that’s all that really matters.

  • Juliyah Wright May 4, 2012 at 1:14 am

    Hi Heather :-)
    Goofy here .. hope this finds you well & happy :-)
    Well…. I liked the glasses shot of you at Hawaii !!!
    Don’t we go through some of the funkiest clothes and women styles & stuff :-) And all the end. Well for me. I can finally relax in those areas :-)
    At age 51 who cares what I look like :+/
    Well any day I have to go to a Dr. Appt. Or to Wal-Mart or to Wal- Greens I try to dress myself decent ..
    Haaaa my spell check just put a word in deceased
    Instead of decent haa:-)

    Any how having a brain injury from a car accident
    I am left w/ tremendous migraines & parcial-complex seizures. I stare then hit the floor or something or slump over on someone. NICE SCENERY . So needless to say my semi-older years cruzing right along w/ such beauty & grace, if one likes having to go everywhere w/ a wheelchair following me around or inside my buggy at Wall Mart :-) .. Just in case I fall out :-) So yes I’m hurting and mad. Why this bizzare scene God. DidnYou really think I could handle this or was I just a good candidate for such bizzare scenes??
    Well nevertheless at least I can look good in my clothes while I’m goin’ down.

    Where this will all end I don’t know.
    All I do know is I wanted to go to the 10thAve. North concert in Tampa or the church both of which are only 2 hr. Drive acroos the state well maybe 3 hrs. But I missed that. Probably best I not drive and take out a few loads of people w/ me :-)
    As for the boyfriend thing it never worked for me. Married at 27. We both were to enter police academy & yes I wanted to be a policeman :-)
    The rest is a sad event :.(
    Well Thanks for sharing. Hope this gets to you without me hitting the wrong key :-)
    Thank-you for meeting Jeff & Thank you Tenth Ave. north for your songs as I am now what I don’t want to accept.. a home bound . God is good. He blesses me in Sooo many ways now :-)

    • lisa kova (@evelynkova) May 10, 2012 at 11:36 pm

      Hello, what happened after you were to enter the police academy?
      Hope your having a nice day:)