I’m really trying to make sense of it all. Trying to understand why bad things happen. Why evil is so real and so awful and why I seem to be so clueless to the pain people feel at night when I’m safe in my bed. I’m trying to understand why God chose me to have this life and why others have to go through “hell”.
Sometimes life shakes life up a bit. Sometimes it even shakes my faith up a bit.
Tossing and turning in the storm as waves start crashing in the boat and I’m told that God is in control. Most of the time this gives me hope, but today it makes me angry and confused. Do I believe God is in control? Absolutely. However, I’m a little terrified He sometimes choses to not stop the storm. To allow it to persist and to let evil get away with evil per say.
You don’t really think about evil all that much when you’re running to do errands, cleaning the house, in class, having coffee with a friend. But then there’s moments when you come face to face with it. When you see the murder, you see the sexually abused, the physically abused, the scared and the starving, when you see death right in front of you. You see it presently in the life of someone you know. Then it becomes real.
She stopped at the side of the curb with her tire spitting out air and becoming a flat. I had just finished a run and stopped to ask if she wanted some help. She stepped out of her car with her messed up hair and her thin frame. Her bony fingers began to shake a bit as she began to explain that all she did was look down for a second to put lotion on her hands when her car hit the curb. She then looked up at me and on the side of her face was a massive hole in her cheek. Looked like someone took a cigar and burned her cheek until it practically burned through to the other side. You could tell she didn’t want me to see it. She tried to look at me from the corner of her eye so that her face was hidden. Her husband wasn’t the kind and friendly type when he showed up. He was definitely not “thrilled” that she had a flat and even his shirt posed some kind of threat. I walked into my house and felt my stomach drop. Who knows what kind of life this woman was living right around the corner from my life in here. Was she being abused? Was she constantly having to defend herself physically? Did she fall asleep at night in fear of screwing up and fear of what the outcome might be?
We all ask the question “Why does God allow bad things to happen?” And not just bad things… horrible things! I typically have the answer- God has reasons beyond our understanding.. reasons leading to an ultimate good. But tonight I am searching high and low for God to give me a really good reason for all the pain in this world. Because I am seeing it with my own eyes in people that I love and I don’t think this is ok.
In my searching for “why”… I was answered with “who.” The heart of God doesn’t think this is ok either. His heart is broken. When we search the heart of the Father we find that He is not this big powerful being just watching it all happen without a care in the world…He is weeping and angry and ready to pounce. ” …..how I have been broken over their whoring heart that has departed from me and over their eyes that go whoring after their idols. And they will be loathsome in their own sight for the evils that they have committed, for all their abominations. And they shall know that I am the Lord.”- Ezekiel 6:9 God, even more than myself, wants evil to end. He hates evil. He will not let evil go unpunished. And that, my friends, is where I find hope. I may not know why but I do know there is punishment waiting for those who walk in evil. And there has to be judgement. Either on the sinner or Christ for the sinner! There will be redemption! He will make right everything that is so wrong. This life will be made new and these scars will be wiped clean.
” He will bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim liberty to the captives, and the opening of the prison to those who are bound; to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor, and the day of vengeance of our God’ to comfit all who mourn; to give them a beautiful headdress instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, the garment of praise instead of a faint spirit….. for I the Lord LOVE justice; I HATE robbery and wrong with violence.” – Isaiah 61
We have hope in the God of justice and love. We have hope in His wrath knowing that He will have revenge on all who have chosen to take the path of idolatry and evil. And we have hope in His love for us… He is fighting for us and He has died for us. He is coming back! Your kingdom come Lord!!
” Let the one who is doing harm continue to do harm; let the one who is vile continue to be vile; let the one who is righteous continue to live righteously; let the one who is hoy continue to be holy. Look, I AM COMING SOON!! Bringing my reward with me to repay all people according to their deeds. I am the Alpha and the Omega, the First and the Last, the Beginning and the End. Blessed are those who wash their robes. ( In His blood) They will be permitted to enter through the gates of the city and eat the fruit from the tree of life. Outside the city are the dogs- the sorcerers, the sexually immoral, the murderers, the idol worshipers, and all who love to live a lie. I, Jesus, have sent my angel to give you this message for the churches. I am both the source of David and the heir to his throne. I am the bright morning star!.” Rev. 22:10-16
” I believe like a child that suffering will be healed and made up for, that all the humiliating absurdity of human contradictions will vanish like a pitiful mirage… in the world’s finale, at the moment of eternal harmony, something so precious will come to pass that it will suffice for ALL hearts, for the comforting of ALL resentments, for the atonement of ALL the crimes of humanity, for ALL the blood that they’ve shed; that it will make it not only possible to forgive but to justify all that has happened.”- Fyodor Dostoyevsky, The Brothers Karamozov