Faith, God, Identity

Unglued

August 16, 2012

Last week I came unglued.  As you should know by now, I like to have it all together.  I like to have a very clean house.  I like to have my kids dressed super cute with their hair brushed and faces washed.  I like to have my clothes on with my make up ready and my hair curled.  I thrive on organization and cleanliness.  It makes me happy and gives me a sense of self worth and accomplishment.  I need to “have it all together” before I start pouring into my friends, my family, or a stranger.  I like to “have it all together” before I allow myself to rest and just be.  It could be called OCD… or its just me and my little personality that continues to like control.  However, if you saw me last week you would have had no idea that I like to have everything in its place; that I’m clean and organized.  If you saw me last week you would probably think that I was a wreck.  Well I was.  I was unglued.

Mike was out of town for 7 days last week.  Usually 4 days is my limit…but there were some necessary things that needed to be done.  I didn’t think too much about it because I was having some friends come into town mid way through the week with their two kids, so I was pretty excited to have the company.  Picture this… 3 adults, 4 kids running around screaming, crying, wining, hungry, jumping and teething.  All the while we’re staying at my moms who I get a lot of my OCD personality from.  I was so busy trying to keep the house clean, getting up 5 times a night with my toddler who started having nightmares, holding my baby who is teething, and also wanting to entertain and enjoy my guests….Well, I started to lose it.  Eventually my “I have it all together” mask was ripped right from under me and there I was left to my real heart dangling from a string.  There I was standing in a sea of emotion.  I was so stressed and overwhelmed while the chaos danced around me that I almost just hit the floor right there in a puddle of tears.  My anger, frustration, and annoyances lay out for everyone to see.  Who was this person??  This wasn’t me!!  I’m not angry, I’m not constantly annoyed, I’m not uptight!  But there I was exposed to feelings and sin that I didn’t even know existed within me.  I couldn’t hide anymore.  I didn’t have it all together and it was portrayed for all to see.  I came unglued.

You see, we have been brought up in a world where Christians tell you that God will never give you more than you can handle.  I’m sure you’ve heard this before, and I’m sure you’re convinced that it’s there in the Bible.  Well I ask you… where?  Where in the Word of God does it say that He will never give you more than you can handle?  Because from what I have read and seen… It doesn’t exist.  It somehow was formed from the misinterpretation of 1 Corinthians 10:13 which actually says- ” No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man.  God is faithful, and He will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation He will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.”  So here He is saying that He will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bare.  But no where does He say that He will not give you hard things in life that are beyond your ability to bare.  If that were the case then why would we ever need Jesus?  If I could handle it all on my own, why would I be dependent on the strength of God?  Therefore, I believe that there are times that God will most definitely give you hardship that will be beyond your capability to handle it.  And that’s when we can fall into the arms of our Savior and can trust that He will most definitely be there to help us through.  He will provide strength as we lean on Him to walk through the valley.  He is our victory.  My eyes were also led to the verses before and after these.  Let me broaden the spectrum for you.  1 Corinthians 10:12-14- ” Therefore let anyone who thinks that he stands take heed lest he fall.  No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man.  God is faithful, and He will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation He will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.  Therefore, my beloved, flee from idolatry.”

Interesting that immediately after Paul goes into telling us that God will not allow us to be tempted beyond what we can bare he says to flee from idolatry.  What is idolatry??  Well Tim Keller says its when you make a good thing an ultimate thing.  Something that we want too much.  Something that we want more than God.  I am left convicted.  Truly convicted.  If I really look into my heart throughout the day… I tend to want a clean house more than God.  I tend to want the perfect outfit more than God.  I tend to want everything to be organized and put together more than God.  I want to appear like I have it all together more than I want God.  And those are the kinds of things that will lead us into temptations.  Crazy right??

So… here I am at 12:30am telling you that despite what I may portray… I do not have it all together.  And I am thankful that I came unglued last week, because it has shown me the ugly that lurks deep within.  And It has also shown me that it’s ok to not have it all together.  It’s ok if the house is a mess, it’s ok if my kids hair went unbrushed, it’s ok that the dishes are piled, it’s ok if my make up never makes it to my face… it’s ok.  It’s also ok to want to have a clean house, clean kids, nice clothes, perfect make up and good friends.  However, this desire to have everything perfect has become an idol and I didn’t even realize it until I read these verses.  I have put this mask before the one who created me and delights in me.  It has become more important to me to have it all together than to be with Jesus.  It has become more important than living in the amazingness of His love that He has for me.  What have I been doing all this time?  What has my heart been clinging to?

After a long week of the glue that once held me together crumbling to the ground to expose the realness of my heart, I entered into worship last night.  We went to a friends house to be a part of community in worship.  As we lifted our voices up to the Father my tears began to fall.  And there I was again left to come apart.  But this time it was different.  It wasn’t to expose my sin and the ugly truth, but it was a result of being reminded of the love God has for me even when I screw up.  He loves me even when I put other things before Him.  He loves me and drew me into His arms tonight.  I sat there with my hand on my dear friends back as we prayed for healing.  Her pain has been more than she can handle.  And yet God is there with her giving her the strength to bare it.  I sat there begging God to bring healing to her fragile body and begging to bring healing to my unglued heart.  And as we worshiped and sang with heavy hearts I thought of you.  Yes you.  The girl who is reading this post.  The girl who doubts God’s love for her.  Who questions His existence.  Who hurts herself because of the pain that is so unbearable.  Who turns to other guys instead of God for love and fulfillment.  Who won’t eat because she needs control.  Who is in a constant state of fear and won’t let go.  Who “has it all together” and won’t come unglued into the Father’s arms.  And I cried.  I cry for you friend.  It hurts my heart to know that so many of you are missing out on the goodness of a loving Father.  I want so badly for you to experience the goodness and love that Jesus continually pours out on us even when we hurt Him day in and day out.  What is it that you have put before God and is now leading you to temptation?  What is it that keeps you from being exposed so that you might be healed?  What is it that keeps you from running into worship to our God??  Whatever it is… I pray that you come unglued.  That God would rip away your mask and bring you to a place of worship.  I pray that you would experience Him like I have.  I have tasted and I have seen that He is good.  He is beautiful.  And He is fighting for you.  He will never stop until He embraces your fragile heart.  Let Him in and you will never regret it.

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  • stmarkqt August 16, 2012 at 9:20 am

    Reblogged this on St. Mark's Quiet Time and commented:
    This touched me in such an unbelievable way! Highly recommended read!

  • Sara Marie Franklin August 16, 2012 at 9:23 am

    O my dear heart. You hit the nail on the head again. I so needed this today. It will be two years tomorrow since my therapist put me in the hospital for my sucide plan. I was so focused on the fear and pain that I thought I had to handle on my own because I couldn’t understand how on top of everything else I was dealingwith he had allowed the rape to happen. I felt like he was so far away and in a way lost all hope in my faith. It wasn’t until after I got out of the hospital and got back into my music that I found that hope and realized that I didn’t have to do it on my own. He was standing right in front of me with his arms wide open and he had also given me a wonderful group of people to support me if I just let him. In my own way I can totally unglued and found my way back. That was then, but after reading this I realize that I am doing it again with working on my fears with the aftermath of the rape and dealing with the PDSD. If I would just release what I am going through to my Father, it wouldn’t be so scary. It is just hard to give up that control after having m control taken away from me during the rape. It is something that I need to work on.

    Thanks for the reminder that I need to let go and trust in Him. It is also a nice reminder that it is ok for me to come unglued to a point when I feel like it is to much and release some of it through for me my tears.

    Hugs

  • thamy August 16, 2012 at 9:24 am

    I completely identify myself in some of the categories above, when you mention the girls you prayed for. It really opened my eyes to understand that “there
    are times that God will most definitely give you hardship that will be beyond
    your capability to handle it. And that’s when we can … trust that He will most definitely be there to help us through.”

    But, again, I fall to the ‘knowing vs believing’ dilema. I know I don’t have to have it all under controll all the time, because if I act like I have, when I fail – and I will fail – I will be drag into a sea of insecurities and doubts, praying to God I won’t sink. I know that I don’t have to be a super hero, because Jesus is supposed to be my hero.

    But my constant struggle is believing this and living by this belief.

    So I guess I’ll just keep praying to find what is it that I have put before God and is now leading you to temptation.

    I’ll definitely keep praying to come unglued.

  • stmarkqt August 16, 2012 at 9:24 am

    Wow! I totally relate to this! I spend so much time trying to prove to the world and to myself that I have it all put together, so I refuse to let my weaknesses and my pains to be exposed, even to God. I hold out on my own healing and on my relationship with God because I’m too stuck to my pride and too stuck to this belief that I NEED to have it all together when really I’m falling apart at the seams, and I feel like God has been reminding me of the fact that I DON’T have it all put together, and I DO need Him to heal me and put me together when I can’t. But first I have to allow Him in to the brokenness that is my heart and my life. This brought me to tears. I think I’m finally ready to really let go and let God.

  • siubarbie August 16, 2012 at 9:45 am

    stmarkqt

    I have been were you are at with this and all I can say is that he already knows the brokenness and still loves you more then anyone can ever measure even if you turn you face away and try to go your own way. I thought that the best way was to hide it from everyone and really in my own way run away from God and like Adam and Eve hide from Him. That didn’t work out so well. I fell more apart then ever. I didn’t realize it until after I came out of the hospital and turned on my car to go home to get things to stay with a friend and the bands song Bye Your Side was on. I had listened to that song so many times while I was going through everything before the hospital, but this time it brought me to tears as it hit me that he wanted me to lift up my face and look at him and his grace and that the song was right really were could I go that both he wouldn’t find me and that the pain would just go away. It in the grace that the song reminded me of that I have not only found the strength to work on the pain, but also the hope that it is part of his plan and He is really the only one that can give me the peace I need while I heal.

    I hope you find that peace and you will be in my prayers. Just know that you don’t have to do it alone.

  • Winter August 16, 2012 at 9:56 am

    Beautiful post! As a Mom of 3 I know exactly where you are coming from, so it’s good to see posts like this to show me I’m not the only crazy one out there! LOL

  • Steph August 16, 2012 at 3:54 pm

    Thank you for posting this. I am the pretender who tries to say everythings okay even when it’s not. I’ve come out of my shell a little bit, but sometimes I resort back to my old withdrawn ways and play pretender. It’s also something I struggle with. I pretend but in reality I’m unglued and have been for a long time.

    The world teaches us it’s not okay to be messed up to air dirty laundry to fall apart. It is deemed socially unacceptable. So we either retailate by being lashing out or by putting on a false happy face for the rest of society.

    But we do not belong in the world, we belong to Him. His ways are different and His ways are truth. It is His ways we must strive to live by that are in His word. Not what is socially acceptable by the world itself.

    Thank you for posting this, I never would have worked it out (what I typed above) if it were not for this post. Thank you so much.

  • michelledecarlo August 16, 2012 at 4:01 pm

    Awesome post. That is freaky that you said all that.

  • michelledecarlo August 16, 2012 at 4:29 pm

    I just changed it to, “God doesn’t give you more than you can handle with his help” aka If you are growing with God, you should always be doing something more than you can handle. I have an eating disorder and OCD. I was verbally raped by my whole life. My therapist said that rape is not about sex, it is about taking something violently.
    I have a more giving up approach to OCD. I don’t try because I don’t know before I start that I am going to succeed. God has helped me a lot with this for even longer than I knew he was in my life. I idolize perfection. I just realized that it is an idol to want to be perfect.
    My therapist says that I have the molested child mentality that I just let people abuse me because it will be over sooner if I don’t fight it. They only scream louder and longer if I try to defend myself. Although I was never sexually attacked, accept once by my boyfriend now ex boyfriend of course lol that’s not really funny. I was verbally abused constantly by my family and I was manipulated and somewhat physically attacked by my sister etc. My parents were not emotionally capable of defending me. In fact, when my sister moved out, they took her place as if she was acting out what they were going to do.
    My boyfriend raped me a while after I gained the mentality that if I was ever raped I would not fight because I am not going to win and it is not worth getting hurt more. or I thought that if I didn’t fight that it would not be traumatic. That is not true. That was just denial so that I didn’t have to face it. But I finally did, actually recently with my therapist. I had been growing in self worth and confidence at the time and I had him arrested and got a three year restraining order. The police were shocked because the girlfriend usually just says make him go away and then lets him go back the next day. It was right before I started a relationship with God.
    What a journey God has gone through to get my heart. I actually just accepted Jesus in my heart at Kingdom Bound 2012. Tenth Avenue North was awesome. They have such inspiring songs and I learned a lot from them. Especially the video journals that I watched after the concert.

    And so I just laid my whole life story in the comment section of this post. I hope it helps someone.:)

  • michelledecarlo August 16, 2012 at 4:52 pm

    This is where the healing begins video journal made me cry because that was right were I was at the time I listened to it. It nailed my right in the heart.

  • Misty August 16, 2012 at 4:58 pm

    Thank you for sharing from your heart. One day, I hope to take the mask off and not fall into the trap of wearing it almost constantly. A pastor and friend once told me, “We all wear masks.” At the time I thought maybe I was the only one wearing a mask and feeling like I was a different person inside than what the world sees.

    My glimpse into myself is enlightend even more by your thoughts today. Thank you! Although I don’t have children yet, I do have impossible days that seem to overwhelm at times. And thanks for being Real. I think this is what these young ladies and us women in the world needed to just validate that we are not the only ones.

    Please keep being this transparent for all of us!

  • dancer1409 August 16, 2012 at 10:18 pm

    Thank you for thinking of the people reading this blog. I really needed someone. My favorite part is where it says
    “The girl who doubts God’s love for her.  Who questions His existence.  Who hurts herself because of the pain that is so unbearable.  Who turns to other guys instead of God for love and fulfillment.  Who won’t eat because she needs control.  Who is in a constant state of fear and won’t let go.  Who “has it all together” and won’t come unglued into the Father’s arms.  And I cried.  I cry for you friend.  It hurts my heart to know that so many of you are missing out on the goodness of a loving Father.  I want so badly for you to experience the goodness and love that Jesus continually pours out on us even when we hurt Him day in and day out.”
    I see myself in a lot of that. I don’t believe God loves me. If I do its only for about a day and then I can’t believe it anymore. I doubt his existence constantly. I dont believe he is real. I try to though. In my life it helps to have the idea that someone loves me for who I am. Although I usually don’t believe in his love it helps to think that way. Although I have never cut myself, starved myself, or attempted suicide I have seriously considered all three. I always have to pretend around people because I am completely sure they woul hate me if they knew the real me. (I am getting better at that though. I have let a few people at church see the parts of the real me.) And I can’t let go. I have to be in control of everything because at home I have NO control at all. With my family I always end up getting hurt and yelled at. And I ALWAYS end up running to a guy. About 90% of the people I trust and talk to are guys. Sorry this is so long. Thank you for thinking of me!

  • michelledecarlo August 17, 2012 at 2:10 pm

    dancer1409, read my post. I think we are a lot alike. I struggled a lot with believing that God is real and Jesus is with me wherever I go. Kingdom Bound was a huge Epiphany week for me, but I had to be right where God wanted me so that God could tell me exactly what I needed to hear when I was ready to hear it. I have a great church that really challenges me in my bible study. I don’t even know what happened, I was struggling with the feeling that Jesus was real and then I accepted Jesus in my heart and prayed with a prayer partner and boom! He felt real and all of my confusion was answered. “But I can’t see him so how could I know him?” There is so much more to knowing someone than seeing them. And every day Satan tries to tell me that my relationship with Jesus is not real and he even got people at my church to cast doubt that my relationship with Jesus is real, but I know how I feel and it is different from before and I know it is going to get deeper and I hope and pray that it always goes deeper. Jesus now has the keys to my heart and he is not just a guest and he is teaching me the true meaning of things that I was taught wrong growing up. He is teaching me the meaning of life. Satan’s only power in my life is when I believe the lies in my inner voice. I choose to listen to the voice of truth. Fear is the consequence of a lie. Trace a fear back to what lie you are believing.

    • dancer1409 August 17, 2012 at 7:05 pm

      Thank you. It’s really hard for me to trust in God because I’ve been hurt so many times. I was always told I’m not good enough, no one loves me, I’m fat, I annoy everyone, everyone hates me ect. I built up a bunch of walls to keep from getting hurt again. I have a HUGE problem with pretending to be someone I’m not. At church I am this good girl who believes in God and never has any problems. When I told a few of the adults at my church they were surprised about it. Now I still pretend with a lot of people but I trust a few people enough to open up to them. My youth minister has helped me a ton! So have a few CORE team members. Sorry you proboly don’t care.

      • dancer1409 August 17, 2012 at 7:56 pm

        Ya I’m pretty much broken beyond repair.

      • Kate August 21, 2012 at 11:50 am

        Hey, I’ve been there, and you’re NOT broken beyond repair. This is going to be hard, but you have to hang on with everything you’ve got to who God is. Know that he loves you, and that he is all powerful. And I love you. And I think I can confidently say that Kelly and Heather love you too. Nothing is too big for God, sweet girl!

  • Ellen August 17, 2012 at 2:26 pm

    Thank you so much Kelly for this post. I constantly put on my mask to the world and if someone can see through the cracks, I end up lashing out at them because my mask wasn’t strong enough and I dont want them to see my pain because they wont understand unless they’ve expereinced it themselves. When I tried to explain the “mask” I wear to my mom, she freaked out as if I am some disease and started asking me questions about why I would ever wear a “mask”. But as another girl posted, “We all wear masks”. Everyone has a mask that they have that hides something different, whether it’s a messy house, abusive parents, scars, or an alcoholic spouse.. Mine is hiding pain, depression, insecure, hurt, loneliness, a scared, afraid, anxious, and a confused girl who is fighting every day with the choice to wear the mask or not. “I am the pretender who tries to say everythings okay even when it’s not. I’ve come out of my shell a little bit, but sometimes I resort back to my old withdrawn ways and play pretender. It’s also something I struggle with. I pretend but in reality I’m unglued and have been for a long time.” Society definately teaches us that we have to be perfect people. We have to have the best clothes, clear skin, have a stick thin body, flowing hair, a fancy car… because if we arent any of these things, it is considered “weird” by our society. We wear the “normal mask” to hide the pain within. We are perfect in God’s eyes, and that’s all that matters.
    The Unglued Girl

  • Julia August 17, 2012 at 10:45 pm

    Thank you!!! I needed this so much <3 thank you!

  • Tina August 18, 2012 at 1:29 pm

    Once again you have done it. I am most certainly not as young as many of your readers, but I have felt and still sometimes feel the same things. While your husbands music is some of my favorite, I have been touched this week by a song by Matthew West called “Strong Enough.”(familiar?) This song talks about getting to the point of realizing we are not strong enough on our own, but need the love and guidance of our Lord to get through this life. We all have to learn to do what is sometimes, oh so hard, especially for the wife, mother, woman of today. We must learn to take off the “mask” and be ok with ourselves that we may rest in the arms of the Father. I am so stoked to possibly meet you in Cincinnati, Ohio. Thanks for writing what God puts in your heart.

  • Jess August 18, 2012 at 11:37 pm

    I just read this after reading Jesus Calling today, and WOW! The exact same message about how our God will fight for us! I am praying the same prayer with you Kelly.. that some day all of us girls will be able to worship in a way that will bring more to Christ.. instead of hindering others faith by faking a “perfect / everything all together” lifestyle!

  • michelledecarlo August 19, 2012 at 7:54 am

    Dancer1409, if he can save me, he can save anyone. I was that lost cause, I was the outcast. He died for sinners just like me. A grateful leper at his feet. He came for the lost cause. He came for the outcast. He can use you more when you are broken than when you have it all together.

  • michelledecarlo August 19, 2012 at 7:56 am

    Dancer1409, listen to nick vujicic. Love, Michelle

  • michelledecarlo August 19, 2012 at 7:58 am

    I had to realize that I am punishing myself by being afraid.

  • michelledecarlo August 19, 2012 at 8:45 pm

    But you loved me anyway. Its like nothing in life that I ever found. I was the nail in your wrist, but you loved me anyway. I was the thorn in your crown, but you loved me anyway. I was Judas’ kiss, but you loved me anyway. I am the sweat from your brow, but you loved me anyway. I was the one that yelled out from the crowd for your blood to be spilled on this earth shaking ground. Yes then I turned away with this smile on my face with this sin in my heart trying to bury your grace and alone in the night I still call out to you so ashamed of my life, my life, my life. But you loved me anyway… Oh God, how you loved me.

    • dancer1409 August 19, 2012 at 10:06 pm

      This was perfect timing. I was literally about to break down crying because I felt unloved, Im not good enough, and I can’t do anything right. I can’t thank you for all the help you’ve given me. You are such a kind and amazing person. Thank you so much. ~Alyssa

      • michelledecarlo August 20, 2012 at 8:17 pm

        Thank you! I had a giving up attitude a week ago about financial stuff, and testifying to you helped me grow in my relationship with Jesus. I have more peace and joy now knowing that Jesus’ words helped you.

  • michelledecarlo August 20, 2012 at 8:07 pm

    Don’t thank me. Thank Jesus Alyssa!:) Don’t see me. See Jesus:)

  • michelledecarlo August 20, 2012 at 8:11 pm

    Oh my God, Thank you that I have learned so much about You from Tenth Avenue North and Nick Vujicic in the past 2 weeks.

  • michelledecarlo August 20, 2012 at 8:26 pm

    Next time Satan tries to destroy your relationship with God by making you feel that your blog does not matter and no one cares and you feel like your posts don’t make a difference, just look back at the posts were something awesome like this happened. This is powerful in the name of Jesus. BOOM!!! I am very enthusiastic right now. This is what the Holy Spirit can do. God is calling us each by name. And it doesn’t stop here!

  • Mandie August 21, 2012 at 12:46 am

    Thank you so much for that! that so speaks to me at this point in my life right now.Thank you!

  • Teri August 21, 2012 at 2:38 pm

    Thank you.

  • Christy August 21, 2012 at 9:55 pm

    I just wanted to thank you for this post! All of your posts from this blog speak to my heart in more ways than you can ever know. I have been holding onto keeping it together and wearing masks for my entire life. As I stand now and take certain masks off, I only discover that there are more and more masks underneath it all. I can take the mask off about abuse in my past. Then I discover that I have the mask that hides the fact that I used to have an eating disorder and am still recovering from it. Then there are masks that I hide because of my shame and pride cripple me. Some masks bring pain and fear of others’ judgement. I can’t admit that I used to cut because then others will see my sins and think worse of me! Why am I afraid to take masks off when God sees beyond those masks and knows the real me? Why do I fear telling others and showing them the real me? God is more powerful than people, so why should I fear falling apart in front of people? I like to allow people to believe I have it under control but the truth is I have none at all. I am so thankful that God is able to peal off these masks and walls I hide behind to really allow me to heal. And what is more amazing is that as messed up as I am and as many times I worship everything but God, He still loves me! When I spit in His face with my pride and ingratitude He is there and whispers to me that He loves me. I am just starting to realize this for the first time in my life and I pray that it continues. It took extreme pain for me to turn to God and I pray that I will never leave His side and if He needs to that He will keep bringing trails, suffering and pain if that is what it takes for my selfish and fickle heart to turn to Him. So thank you for your honesty and for reminding us that it is ok to become unglued so God can glue us together the right way.

  • kellylynsiren August 22, 2012 at 12:37 pm

    I feel like I am a part of a family here on this blog. Maybe that sounds weird, but I cherish it. Thank you, again, for being so transparent and God-honoring. Even our mistakes honor God, which is kind of a weird concept…when we mess up, and then repent, it shows others that we CAN turn around to a loving Father. I think it also shows others our dedication to this whole “God thing”. It takes heart, and I think people see that in the body of Christ.
    I pray that you will continue to find security in the great I AM. Thank you again for sharing.

    Much love <3

  • insideout134 August 23, 2012 at 3:09 pm

    Isn’t it a temptation to come unglued? You quoted the verse 1 Corinthians 10:13 which says, “You are tempted in the same way all other human beings are. God is faithful. He will not let you be tempted any more than you can take. But when you are tempted, God will give you a way out so that you can stand up under it.” It says that we will never be tempted more than we can take. Any trial is a temptation to react badly to it. If someone dies, I can either choose to be angry at God or know He has a plan. When my life isn’t going the way I want it to, I can cry and blame God, or I can trust Him and give Him my life to move. In every trial there is a temptation. So in another words the verse is saying God will never give us more than we can handle. Not only that, but Philippians 4:13 says, “I can do everything by the power of Christ. He gives me strength.” So truthfully if we were fully relying on God, He will always give us the strength we need. We should never have too much to handle. I’m sorry but, I don’t agree with what you are saying.

    • insideout134 August 23, 2012 at 3:19 pm

      Follow up statement to my last…
      You said that if we could handle things then we wouldn’t need Jesus. I understand that, but what I am saying is, God will not give us more then we can handle because He gives us strength.

      • agirlikemee August 23, 2012 at 9:38 pm

        Thank you for taking the time to really think through what I have written. Heather and I are humbled to have readers who take to heart what we have to say and we pray that God would use these words to speak life and truth into other’s lives.

        I see what you are saying and I see the angle from where you are writing. It comes down to a bit of semantics. However, let me ask you… have you ever lost someone extremely close to you? Have you ever been so hurt by something that you feel like you can’t even breath? Have you ever been so weighed down by something that you question God and may even be led to anger?? Have you never cried when things in your life didn’t go your way? And If you did cry… was that a sin?

        I write from a real place. A place of honesty and a place of realness. Throughout all my writings I think I make it very clear that I am not perfect. And at the same time I am perfected by the blood of Christ. I first would like to make myself clear about 1 Corinthians 10:13. When I say that God most definitely can give us more than we can handle… I mean to say that left to ourselves we would not be able to handle certain tragic and painful situations. But with God He can give us the strength and the power to overcome. I, along with many other people, have been in situations that have completely broken us. It was more than we could carry and more than we could bare. We have cried out to God in our pain and in our anger. We have laid on the floor in complete weakness… and yet God came and met us where we were and gave us the strength to get out of bed the next morning. He was there to run to and gain peace and strength from. But it was only to HIS glory that we were able to overcome. There are many people in the world who are in tremendous pain and cannot understand why God does the things He does. Their only hope is in the power of Christ being perfected in their weakness. 2 Cor. 12. And check out Hosea 6:1- “Come let us return to the Lord; for He has torn us, that He may heal us; He has struck us down, and He will bind us up.” He is sovereign. So, yes, I still believe that God can give us more than we can handle which in turn draws us closer to Himself and gives Him even more glory.

        Now I ask you what “unglued” means to you. If “unglued” means a place where you become so angry at God that you stop trusting Him and stop believing in Him and just go your own way… than yes to be unglued would be a temptation. But that is not the kind of unglued I’m talking about… I am merely saying that I come to a place where I am undone to the point of exhaustion, and weak to the point of lying on the floor in utter brokenness. This was not a temptation.. this was a feeling. We are human, we have feelings and those feelings are not considered sin until we decide what to do with those feelings. For example, when I had a miscarriage in my first pregnancy I was mad at God. I was hurting in a very real and deep place. If I wasn’t allowed to feel that way and had to just suck it up and be happy in knowing that God had a plan… do you really think that would have brought healing? I had to mourn and had to be undone. I believe that you can be angry with God and at the same time know that He has a plan. I can feel pain and frustration and cry out to God in anger but also trust in God’s loving kindness and His will for my life. It’s not one or the other. We are allowed to feel… that’s what having a relationship with God is all about! It’s a relationship… a real relationship where we can voice our anger and our frustrations and the honesty of our heart with what God has decided to do in our lives. And again at the same time trust Him and know that He is good and He will be near us to the point healing. Can ‘more than we can handle’ lead to temptation? Absolutely!! It most definitely can lead to sin. But the feelings of brokenness, anger, frustration in the midst of tragedy and pain is not sin. Like I said.. it is what we do with those feelings that can lead to sin. But I am human, and I feel.. and I believe God allows me to feel. He could never bind up the broken unless we were broken. And if I am tempted to remain in my anger or blame God than yes He will provide a way out and with His strength I will choose it.

        In this post I wanted readers to see that we will most definitely have times of brokenness to the point where we fall to the ground in crumbles. Times where you can most definitely not handle it on our own. To become “unglued” as you will. But thanks be to God that we have a Savior who will lift our head and bring healing in the midst of our feelings. A God who definitely give us strength and power to overcome that which we cannot. And through that God will receive the glory and we will not.

        I pray that if you come face to face with this kind of pain and this kind of unraveling.. that you would not only allow yourself to feel and cry out to the Lord in your honest feelings… but that you would also trust Him and lean on Him for His strength and not your own.
        Godbless

  • dancer1409 August 23, 2012 at 10:02 pm

    Kelly thank you so much for your blog and this post. Earlier in the comments I was saying how I was broken beyond repair. One of your other readers helped me a lot. Reading your last comment has truly helped me. I get mad and angry with God a lot and I always thought it was a bad thing. I always thought that he was causing me this pain because he hated me. I have been told that it’s ok to be mad but I didn’t really believe it. Reading the comment helped me realize that it’s ok to struggle an question God. He can stand it and he loves me through it all. ( it doesn’t matter how much I believe otherwise)

  • Haley Shields August 26, 2012 at 12:46 pm

    I actually got taught that God won’t bring anything to you that is too much for HIM to handle. So…You’re exactly right. He’ll bring stuff to us that we can’t handle. Stuff that breaks us down. But HE can handle it. Because He’s God. That’s why we need Him in those times. Because He’s the only one who can get us back again. We can’t do it alone.

  • michelledecarlo August 26, 2012 at 11:47 pm

    I wish I knew some scriptures to go with this. I am still new to the bible. I have a radical concept to share. God is not a rapist. “Really that is your bout of wisdom? Like I or anyone would think that God is a rapist.” Many of us have been in a raped or molested position and many more of us have been in a non-sexual position where someone is forcing something on us. Rape is not about the sexual act. It is about taking something violently. That is what my therapist calls it. Yes therapy. Nothing to be ashamed of. You can soften the wording by calling him or her a counselor. If I am going to talk about it I am going to blatantly say therapist or even psychotherapist. At least I am getting help for my issues. Anyway, back to God not being a rapist. He doesn’t force us to do anything, not even the things that are good for us. His whole montage is choice. God is the opposite of rape. He doesn’t make us look at our character before we are ready even if he knows we are ready and it will help us. He doesn’t force us to do anything even stuff that would help us. He waits until we are ready to hear it, learn it, see it. He knows every good things that he has planned for you and I and we can’t move on until we let go. I could not even run to Jesus in the darkest part of my heart when he was there already with the light on saying I still love you, so I have some work to do. Layer by layer I am dealing with this and God is not forcing me to go any faster or sooner than I choose to. Rape is a surface problem. There are deeper issues inside me and maybe you that need to be acknowledged.

    I want to bring your attention to, even though I am not the writer of the blog, it is therapeutic, lol, the stuff deep down inside that preceded the rape. What is in your head in the darkest place of your heart that happened any time in your childhood or any time in your life. I believe this sets a tone in your life that creates energy that attracts negative situations because you held onto it and have not looked at it with the help of Jesus so that you could surrendered it to God. “Are you blaming me for getting raped?” Of course not. I have just noticed in myself that the confession of my rape led me to realize that the rape was not the issue, it is the surface issue, and it is not the problem of my life and it is on top the the bigger thing in my heart.

    I want to call out anyone that feels that they could look at a deeper part of their heart and see if God was calling them to himself through the rape and the following search for help with that issue that was actually only part of the problem. I am just saying that I have many deeper issues that I have found now that I have to surface admit that I was raped and that it is not ok. I tried to pretend that it did not happen by not persecuting and not fighting during, but that was not the truth and lies don’t work. This not fighting attitude developed from the way my parents and family treated me, whether non sexual or I just can’t see it in my head yet, they verbally abused me to the point of me seeing no point in fighting. Fighting only made it worse. Someone can force something on you or take something violently without sexual actions and it can also be very subtle.
    The point I am trying to make is that God does not take even your issues unless you fully willingly give them to him, so when you cry out to God and say, “Please take… away from me” and he doesn’t listen, that is why. God is not a rapist. He models the way we should act even now in our relationship with him. We don’t only have to go by the way Jesus acted 2000 years ago. He continues to act in the same personality today in your relationship with him. It is not a story and he doesn’t expect you to only know him through what he did in the past, but through prayer and what he is doing now, in and outside your life. God participates in the act of giving and receiving. He receives our burdens when we give them to Him and he gives us peace and joy when we accept it and acknowledge that we can receive it.

    God is not a rapist. He will pursue you, he will run after you, he will never turn his back on you, but he will not force you to love him or build a relationship with him or accept that Jesus, his son, is your savior and died and rose from the grave to forgive you of your sins and give you a relationship with Him so that you can see him in heaven, even though you are his child and he doesn’t want anyone to die.

  • Holli October 31, 2012 at 9:39 pm

    Amen! We must die to our flesh. I too tend to crave cleanliness and organization, and I too tend to want it over God. How wretched are we! I want to live by the Spirit which we are called to do. Die to our flesh, daily. Mmhmm!!