Last week I came unglued. As you should know by now, I like to have it all together. I like to have a very clean house. I like to have my kids dressed super cute with their hair brushed and faces washed. I like to have my clothes on with my make up ready and my hair curled. I thrive on organization and cleanliness. It makes me happy and gives me a sense of self worth and accomplishment. I need to “have it all together” before I start pouring into my friends, my family, or a stranger. I like to “have it all together” before I allow myself to rest and just be. It could be called OCD… or its just me and my little personality that continues to like control. However, if you saw me last week you would have had no idea that I like to have everything in its place; that I’m clean and organized. If you saw me last week you would probably think that I was a wreck. Well I was. I was unglued.
Mike was out of town for 7 days last week. Usually 4 days is my limit…but there were some necessary things that needed to be done. I didn’t think too much about it because I was having some friends come into town mid way through the week with their two kids, so I was pretty excited to have the company. Picture this… 3 adults, 4 kids running around screaming, crying, wining, hungry, jumping and teething. All the while we’re staying at my moms who I get a lot of my OCD personality from. I was so busy trying to keep the house clean, getting up 5 times a night with my toddler who started having nightmares, holding my baby who is teething, and also wanting to entertain and enjoy my guests….Well, I started to lose it. Eventually my “I have it all together” mask was ripped right from under me and there I was left to my real heart dangling from a string. There I was standing in a sea of emotion. I was so stressed and overwhelmed while the chaos danced around me that I almost just hit the floor right there in a puddle of tears. My anger, frustration, and annoyances lay out for everyone to see. Who was this person?? This wasn’t me!! I’m not angry, I’m not constantly annoyed, I’m not uptight! But there I was exposed to feelings and sin that I didn’t even know existed within me. I couldn’t hide anymore. I didn’t have it all together and it was portrayed for all to see. I came unglued.
You see, we have been brought up in a world where Christians tell you that God will never give you more than you can handle. I’m sure you’ve heard this before, and I’m sure you’re convinced that it’s there in the Bible. Well I ask you… where? Where in the Word of God does it say that He will never give you more than you can handle? Because from what I have read and seen… It doesn’t exist. It somehow was formed from the misinterpretation of 1 Corinthians 10:13 which actually says- ” No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and He will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation He will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.” So here He is saying that He will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bare. But no where does He say that He will not give you hard things in life that are beyond your ability to bare. If that were the case then why would we ever need Jesus? If I could handle it all on my own, why would I be dependent on the strength of God? Therefore, I believe that there are times that God will most definitely give you hardship that will be beyond your capability to handle it. And that’s when we can fall into the arms of our Savior and can trust that He will most definitely be there to help us through. He will provide strength as we lean on Him to walk through the valley. He is our victory. My eyes were also led to the verses before and after these. Let me broaden the spectrum for you. 1 Corinthians 10:12-14- ” Therefore let anyone who thinks that he stands take heed lest he fall. No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and He will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation He will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it. Therefore, my beloved, flee from idolatry.”
Interesting that immediately after Paul goes into telling us that God will not allow us to be tempted beyond what we can bare he says to flee from idolatry. What is idolatry?? Well Tim Keller says its when you make a good thing an ultimate thing. Something that we want too much. Something that we want more than God. I am left convicted. Truly convicted. If I really look into my heart throughout the day… I tend to want a clean house more than God. I tend to want the perfect outfit more than God. I tend to want everything to be organized and put together more than God. I want to appear like I have it all together more than I want God. And those are the kinds of things that will lead us into temptations. Crazy right??
So… here I am at 12:30am telling you that despite what I may portray… I do not have it all together. And I am thankful that I came unglued last week, because it has shown me the ugly that lurks deep within. And It has also shown me that it’s ok to not have it all together. It’s ok if the house is a mess, it’s ok if my kids hair went unbrushed, it’s ok that the dishes are piled, it’s ok if my make up never makes it to my face… it’s ok. It’s also ok to want to have a clean house, clean kids, nice clothes, perfect make up and good friends. However, this desire to have everything perfect has become an idol and I didn’t even realize it until I read these verses. I have put this mask before the one who created me and delights in me. It has become more important to me to have it all together than to be with Jesus. It has become more important than living in the amazingness of His love that He has for me. What have I been doing all this time? What has my heart been clinging to?
After a long week of the glue that once held me together crumbling to the ground to expose the realness of my heart, I entered into worship last night. We went to a friends house to be a part of community in worship. As we lifted our voices up to the Father my tears began to fall. And there I was again left to come apart. But this time it was different. It wasn’t to expose my sin and the ugly truth, but it was a result of being reminded of the love God has for me even when I screw up. He loves me even when I put other things before Him. He loves me and drew me into His arms tonight. I sat there with my hand on my dear friends back as we prayed for healing. Her pain has been more than she can handle. And yet God is there with her giving her the strength to bare it. I sat there begging God to bring healing to her fragile body and begging to bring healing to my unglued heart. And as we worshiped and sang with heavy hearts I thought of you. Yes you. The girl who is reading this post. The girl who doubts God’s love for her. Who questions His existence. Who hurts herself because of the pain that is so unbearable. Who turns to other guys instead of God for love and fulfillment. Who won’t eat because she needs control. Who is in a constant state of fear and won’t let go. Who “has it all together” and won’t come unglued into the Father’s arms. And I cried. I cry for you friend. It hurts my heart to know that so many of you are missing out on the goodness of a loving Father. I want so badly for you to experience the goodness and love that Jesus continually pours out on us even when we hurt Him day in and day out. What is it that you have put before God and is now leading you to temptation? What is it that keeps you from being exposed so that you might be healed? What is it that keeps you from running into worship to our God?? Whatever it is… I pray that you come unglued. That God would rip away your mask and bring you to a place of worship. I pray that you would experience Him like I have. I have tasted and I have seen that He is good. He is beautiful. And He is fighting for you. He will never stop until He embraces your fragile heart. Let Him in and you will never regret it.