So I struggled with writing this post. Not because I have something very important to say, but quite the opposite. I don’t know what to say. When you find yourself writing as much as we do you tend to find yourself falling into ruts. I really think my rut happened because, in all honesty, I’m just bored. I feel like we write in circles. I find myself writing on the same topics, the same struggles, reading from the same authors and going back again and again to the same verses. We need reminders all the time…. but I’m bored.
As I sat on my front porch watching the storm roll in last night, I realized something. Maybe I’m bored with my writing because I’m bored with God. Did I just say that? How embarrassing is that to admit? Have you ever felt that way? I think I’m bored with God because my time with Him, when I do spend time with HIm, has become a thing to do and not out of necessity or hunger for His presence. HIs words have become just mundane words to me. I find myself in circles with Him- saying the same prayers, reading the same books and all around disinterested. Of course I desire HIm, I want to know Him and be in His presence but I feel so dry. I’m in this season of business and it has left me in the desert thirsty for new life and thirsty for God himself to supply water to my numb soul.
There’s this girl in the Bible my heart has always gone out to. Her name is Hagar. Poor Hagar. Here she is minding her own business just serving her master, in this case Sarai, like the good little servant that she is. And then boom! Sarai comes to her with this crazy request. She asks her to sleep with her husband in order to get pregnant and bare him a son because Sarai herself cannot do it. Hagar does as she is told and has a baby boy. But then Sarai becomes jealous and despises her! She begins to mistreat her and look down on her and the only thing Hagar did in this situation was obey! Later on Sarai has her own son Isaac and decides to send Hagar and her son away because she fears that they will have to share the inheritance. Hagar is sent away with just a little food and little water.
” She went on her way and wandered in the desert… When the water in the skin was gone, she put the boy under one of the bushes. Then she went off and sat down nearby, about a bowshot away, for she thought- ‘ I cannot watch the boy die.’ And as she sat there nearby, she began to sob.”- Gen 21
” Then God opened her eyes and she saw a well of water. So she went and filled the skin with water and gave the boy a drink.” Gen 21
Here is Hagar and her boy dying of thirst with a well less than a bowshot away! What’s interesting is that God let her get to the point of almost death before He opened her eyes to the well. He let her get to the point where she had absolutely nothing before reminding her that He is faithful and He Himself is life.
Even in the desert there is always a well of water nearby… we just have to open our eyes to it. The very thing that will quench my thirsty soul is right in front of me… please God!
” What insanity compels me to shrivel up when there is joy’s water to be had here?” Open my eyes to see your words afresh! Open my heart to hear your whispers new and full of life! I want to taste and see that You are good. The reason why I’m so disenchanted with life in His presence is not because I’ve tasted and come to find there is nothing exciting about it. But because I haven’t stopped myself in my crazy busy life to actually sit in His glorious presence. His words are not mundane and boring. His words are powerful and refreshing! My eyes have just been focused on other things. He is in this moment. The well is always here- God is always here because He cares about me. He cares about you.
Gen 16- ” Thereafter, Hagar used another name to refer to the Lord, who had spoken to her. She said, ‘ You are the God who sees me.'”
Its amazing to know that even when I find myself in these ruts, these so called deserts – God sees me. And because He sees me He will never stop pursuing me. He sees you friend. He’s not looking at you with disgust and anger when you are not spending time with Him. He looks at you with love and compassion and longs for you to experience the greatest joy you could possibly experience through HIm. He sees your very heart, all of your secrets, all of the dry places and complacent feelings towards Him.. and He offers you water of life. It is always available, always refreshing, always exciting and true. He’s just asking us to come. I pray that He opens your eyes to it. I pray that His words come alive in your spirit. I pray He do the same in me.