A reflection of Psalm 139
Have you ever found yourself with two hearts? One that seems to reside within your brain and the one that finds itself pounding in your chest? I have. The two of them given to me from the One who created me and sometimes work well together while other times fighting against each other as if to prove to me which one is true. I often find myself within the conflict of feeling peace and worry at the same time. One rings louder than the other only to be pushed down by the other ringing louder. It’s so hard to get my head and my heart to dance together in perfect rhythm fully trusting in God without the fight of flesh and soul. In those times of battling to believe what is true, like tonight, I try to reflect on a Psalm. There’s a reason why David, as well as other writers, wrote these perfectly poetic songs while in the midst of trouble and conflict. There’s a peace that comes from them and tonight I need peace. So wont you join me in reflecting on Psalm 139. Let the words penetrate your depths and soak in the peace.
“O Lord, you have searched me and known me! You know when I sit down and when I rise up; you discern my thoughts from afar. You search out my path and my lying down and are acquainted with all my ways. Even before a word is on my tongue, behold, O Lord, you know it altogether.”
Girls… the Lord knows us! He knows our deepest thoughts, our secret fears, our distant hopes and the things we dwell on from day to day. He knows when I would rather watch T.V. than be with Him. He knows when I look at instagram instead of conversing with those who are in the room with me. He knows when I secretly helped a friend and blessed my neighbor when no one was watching. He knows the good and the bad. He knows when I’m about to lash out at someone I love even before I do it. The Lord knows all there is to know about me and about you. It is too marvelous for us even to comprehend.
” You hem me in, behind and before, and lay your hand upon me. Such knowledge is too wonderful fo me; it is high; I cannot attain it.”
He is at work in your life. And as He lays His hand upon you He is reassuring you. He might say something like this- ” It’s going to be ok. I got you. I have my hand on you and I will never remove it from your fragile life. I am here’
” Where shall I go from your Spirit? Or where shall I flee from your presence? If I ascend to heaven, you are there! If I make my bed in Sheol, you are there! If I take the wings of the morning and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea, even there your hand shall lead me, and your right hand shall hold me.”
There is no place in the whole universe where you can be hidden from God’s view. He sees you. He sees your heart and He knows what it is you want Him to know. And with everything that He knows, He loves you. There is no where that God will not be present to lead you and to hold you. You belong to Him and He is with you wherever you go. WHEREVER you go. There is no where too dark for God to see you. God will care for you every day of your life.
” If I say Surely the darkness shall cover me, and the light about me be night, even the darkness is not dark to you; the night is bright as the day, for darkness is as light with you. For you formed my inward parts’ you knitted me together in my mother’s womb, I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.”
You are wonderfully made. No matter what you perceive in the mirror.. no matter what quirks you have or what flaws you believe you have… the truth is- you were made absolutely perfect and with purpose and intent. God created you beautiful and He loves what He sees. Think about this.. before you were ever created, you were thought up. God thought of you before He created you. He saw your face and knew who you were even before He distinctly set His needle and thread to work. You are perfectly woven into a wonderfully loved child.
“Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them.”
Does your soul know it? Does your soul know how wonderful His works are? Does your mind and your heart believe? Do you believe in His goodness in your life and trust Him to carry out good things for you in the future? Did you know that you were not an accident? The days of your life were written out before you were even born. There was a purpose to your life being made in secret. You have purpose.
” How precious to me are your thoughts, O God! How vast is the sum of them! If I would count them, they are more than the sand. I awake, and I am still with you.”
Are God’s thought’s precious to you? I can honestly say that I don’t believe this sometimes. When I find myself in a sea of disappointments and pain.. I don’t think of God’s thoughts as being precious. But If I knew all the He knows.. than I believe I might. His precious thoughts of us are so much more than we could ever count. So much so, that we would fall asleep counting them. And when we find ourselves awake we will see that He is still with us. He is Good.
” Oh that you would slay the wicked, O God! O men of blood, depart from me! They speak against you with malicious intent; your enemies take your name in vain! Do I not hate those who hate you, O Lord? And do I not loathe those who rise up against you? I hate them with complete hatred; I count them my enemies.”
When reading these few verses I found myself cringing as if I just heard nails on a chalkboard. This whole time I am dwelling on the goodness of God, the wonder and the awe in how He created me and His thoughts are precious… and then Bam! Such harshness… or so it seems. Sadly, there is wickedness in the world. There are people who oppose God and go against everything He says. Those who murder and have malicious intent. And If I find myself in the writers shoes- someone who knows God so deeply and my whole purpose is to know Him and enjoy Him forever believing His precious thoughts towards me.. than yes. I too may find myself hating those who hate the Lord. God is meant to be a precious treasure that you never let go of and hold so close to your heart… and when people start hurting your treasure and going out to destroy it.. than wouldn’t you have certain harsh feelings towards those people?? How much do you treasure God?
This then leads into the ending to this passage which becomes so fitting considering his feelings towards the wicked. He says,
” Search me, O God, and know my heart! Try me and know my thoughts! And see if there be any grievous way ( aspects of character that lead to grief) in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.”
Search me, O God. Look into the depths of my heart and my thoughts and show me any sin that is lurking in the corners. Make me aware of my sin and remove the thoughts of fear, of disbelief, of hatred, of bitterness, of worry, of jealousy…etc. Help me love my enemies. Show me what needs to change and then continue to lead me in the way that brings LIFE and not shame. Lead me in the way that God loves.
So- If you find yourself with two hearts ( the heart of your mind and the heart in your chest) fighting against each other in a battle to find truth.. our prayer for you is this, that you would become aware of just how vast the thoughts of God are towards you. That you would lay down your battle and cling to Him. That you would reflect on these words and believe in His love. How big His love is towards you that He thought of you before He even made you. He will lead you and lay His hand upon you as you live each moment. May you see His kindness in the midst of joyous moments and the midst of painful moments. You were created with a purpose. You were created with Love. You were created with a heart, mind and soul that can come together in perfect peace when you reflect on His face and truth.