Hey ladies! I could really use some prayer/advice/encouragement right now. I apologize in advance that this may get a little lengthy. So I've been married for a year now and it's been great but something has been really bringing me down. So I've been a Christian all my life, but when my dad passed away 6 years ago, right before I started college, I rebelled against God. I was angry, hurt, and stuck in grief and depression for years. Instead of drawing nearer to God in my pain, I wanted nothing to do with him. Fast forward some years -- my husband and I got together at a time where I was starting to come out of my grief, but still wasn't looking to God anymore. As I mentioned, I grew up a Christian. I have known my husband since we were 5 years old. Growing up we always wanted to date each other but whenever one of us was single, the other was taken. Finally we were both single and decided to date and it was wonderful. Here's the thing though, my husband was so anti-Christian when we got together because when he was young his family pushed him away from Christianity. All they did was threaten him going to hell and being punished if he didn't do as they said. He was never introduced to what it really means to have a relationship with Jesus. He ended up having a near death accident and injuring his arm really bad. That was one of the lowest times in his life and because he was so turned off by Christianity he started to venture into other religions for guidance. As you can imagine, this only made his family come down on him even harder, which only pushed him more away from Christianity. So yeah, when we got together he knew I was a Christian and he made it very clear to me that he wasn't a Christian anymore like he was when we were younger. He didn't deny that God existed but thats about as far as he would budge. At the time it wasn't imperative to me that the person I dated be a Christian like me because I hadn't even thought about God, prayer, the bible, or anything since my dad had died. We dated for a long time, then we were engaged, then we got married. Here's the thing though...after we got married God started reaching out to me and drawing me nearer to him and much as I wanted to ignore it, I couldn't. All of my life (even though I was a Christian) I relied on my relationship with who I was dating to complete me, yet here I was, married to my best friend but still needing more. I spent the first half of our relationship not talking about what was going on with me spiritually because I knew how burned my husband had been by Christians before. But I couldn't keep that up for long. I finally broke down one day and told him that whenever he is experimenting with all these different religions I support him and listen to him talk about them while I'm burying the fact that I need Jesus and I needed him bad. I decided to search for a church because I needed it so desperately. My husband was super supportive and decided he would come with me. I fell in love with a church and was able to call it my church home. My husband comes with me to church every week and he volunteers with me and goes to small group with me and I can see his heart is opening up a little. He told me that he wanted to heal his relationship with Jesus and become a Christian and it makes me so happy, especially since we plan on having children. But I feel like he'll take one stop forward and five steps backwards. One day my husband will come to me excited and telling me how Jesus spoke to him and told him that all he needs is Jesus, everything he has been looking for, the answer is Jesus. But then a week later he'll tell me how he reached out to a Hindu god for protection. I don't know what to do because I'm finally back to trusting in God, reading my bible, being really involved in my church, and I feel like for me there is no turning back.. but my husband just isn't on the same page as me. He enjoys going to church with me, singing worship songs/raising his hands in worship, and volunteering with the church..but when it comes down to it, he has said that if it wasn't for me he wouldn't be going to church, and that breaks my heart. (He told me this when I didn't feel well and decided I was going to skip our small group but told him he can still go and he was like I only go to everything involving the church because of you, if you stopped, I wouldn't keep going. Guys, I am LONGING for a godly marriage. All around me are couples who both believe in Jesus as King of Kings and Lord of Lords and I just don't know what to do. I love my husband dearly and I pray for him everyday that God would open his heart and remove the blinders from his eyes but it seems like it's not going to happen. I'm losing hope. I would NEVER get a divorce but I'm just sad because I want a marriage with someone who sees Jesus as more than just a cool being who loved and cared about others. *sigh* Whenever I feel down about it I remember 1 Corinthians 7:13-14 And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him. For the unbelieving husband has been sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife has been sanctified through her believing husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy. But then I'll also remember verses like 2 Corinthians 6:14 which says Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness? ... Man my heart is so heavy guys. I know God has the power to change my husband's heart but it seems so impossible. My husband likes to take bits and pieces of different religions and he thinks they all have beneficial things they can offer. He isn't hip to the idea of hell and being condemned for our sins. He doesn't even like the word sin. I just feel so sad. I so badly want for him to be a Christian 100% and believe what I believe but I feel so hopeless. I love him so so much and always will and will never leave him but I don't know what else to do besides pray for him. Please help with any advice or encouragement. And please please pray! If you read all of this, THANK YOU! <3

Posted in: Relationships on October 8, 2016

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