I don't think that I process my emotions correctly. My grandfather on my mom's side passed away Saturday morning after the doctors finding a brain tumor Thursday night. He'd been having health issues with his heart, so we'd all been kind of expecting it to happen, but not for a couple of years. And not because of his head. It sounds terrible, but I wasn't sad that he died. I was sad for my family (especially my mom and younger cousins) for having to go through it.And today I found out that my grandfather on my stepdad's side has rapid liver cancer, and the doctors only gave him a couple of months to live. I don't feel sad. I just feel numb and weird. I chalk it up to numbing myself emotionally whenever bad stuff happens - a childhood habit that I've had since my parents divorced when I was six.I'm afraid that because of this, I don't let myself get close to anyone emotionally. I have yet to tell any of my friends about my grandfather's recent death, or that my other one has cancer, apparently. I can't talk about this, and I feel like this is going to follow me throughout my life, unable to talk about my feelings due to situations that I've encountered.I don't like my two closest friends. I feel like everything could spin out of control and I'm terrified of the future. I'm scared that I won't ever meet "The One" and that I'm creating an idol out of the idea of getting married. I feel selfish that I feel all of these things, but not sadness for my grandpa dying, or the other one having cancer. I don't know. I just need prayer for strength. And probably a lot of other things.Sorry for rambling. I was only going to type a couple of things and this all vomited out.

Posted in: Other on September 28, 2016

Respond to This Prayer Request

  • October 5, 2016

    Girl it's okay to feel that way, and don't apologize. Sometimes you have to vomit it all out. No one can keep it all inside forever.
    I know you've probably heard this a thousand times, but you are not alone.
    So many people that I know feel like this.
    I've never struggled with sharing my feelings, but I know for those people you do, it can leave you feeling so alone.
    I'm really, really sorry about everything that's been happening and I'll be praying for you.
    All I can say is that you are so loved. That you are known for who you are. And who you are is beautiful.
    It's okay, and it's normal to feel numb and weird. That's okay.
    I just really want you to know that this is not all there is. The One in control loves you to death (literally) and He won't ever leave you or forsake you.
    This is probably all just rambling but I'm praying for you sweet friend.
    much love <3