What's on my mind? Oh so many things, but today I am struggling. Today i need a friend that I don't have. I have never had many friends the ones I did have found a way out or my life and they didn't even care to come back. I have had some terrible friends in my life "friends" who made me feel that I wasn't good enough a friend actually told me I didn't matter I was stupid enough to still want to be friends after that in the end I was hurt and we rarely speak any more. I've had friends who just had me as a filler until the better people came along and I was thrown to the side like and old pair old socks. I am shy and awkward and I don't like to talk about my self and my feelings, i don't let people because I have always felt I didn't matter because the people that I would open up to just found someone else anyway or they would find some stupid reason to be angry at me and there I was left again. Most of the time I don't mind not having any friends it just allows me to not get hurt yet again , but today I hurt because I don't have that friend to talk with and feel that I matter. I pray everyday that God would send me a good friend i know one day he will answer that prayer but until then I have to feel good about myself and not let those bad friends ruin me and break me down long after they found someone better. That is me struggle today, knowing I am good enough and I do matter. I have a friend in Jesus and that is what gets me through rough days like today!
Posted in: Relationships on June 17, 2015