I've grown up very rooted in church, and my parents are both very strong christians, but my hardest struggle for most part of my life has been with my salvation. I'm really just stuck tbh, I don't know if I'm lost or if I'm saved or whether or not I've rejected God completely. A couple months back I tried for the longest time to work this issue out and it sunk me deeper and deeper into depression, so instead I chose to run from God. It's easier to not feel the pain, confusion, and depression rather than deal with it. I cried out to God with months on end with no response, so I guess I just gave up. I am tired of running, and I am tired of failing to reach the potential God has given me, but not really sure what to do at this point.

Posted in: Faith on January 1, 2015

Respond to This Prayer Request

  • January 14, 2015

    A couple of years ago I went through something similar to you. I went through a struggle of repetitive thoughts where I was insulting God with my words, but I didn't mean anything that I said and I couldn't stop them and because of that I felt like my salvation was hanging in the balance. Because of the things in my thoughts I thought that he could never forgive me and I couldn't possibly be saved. I know that wondering about your salvation is a horrible place to be. You feel alone and constantly afraid because you worry about what happens after death if you're not saved and you don't enjoy anything in life because you just feel so ashamed about the struggle in your heart that no one else can see. You feel like the exception and wonder why everyone else seems so confident in God. You wonder why you're so much harder to save and if you just don't have enough faith. But I'm here to tell you that you're not alone, I've been there too. But don't give up on God. He is not the source of your confusion and he is not angry with you. The moment that he freed me from my obsessive thoughts was at an Acquire the Fire experience. I heard the gospel preached over again and I heard that Jesus' love and sacrifice is so much stronger than any of my fears and anything that I've done and I stopped obsessing over the repetitive thoughts (eventually they subsided) and just trusted him. He is stronger than your doubts and fears. It's been a few years now and sometimes I still don't feel as close to Him as I should be and I worry about fulfilling the plans he has for me, but even so there is a peace that comes in trusting that he is always with you and there is nothing that you could do that would make him love you less. Don't give up on Him because He hasn't given up on you. You don't have to be good enough or compare your faith to anyone else's. "'For I know the plans I have for you', declares the Lord,'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future'."

  • January 4, 2015

    Don't beat yourself up about depression. God has saved you once and for all, through grace. God loves you and no matter what you believe I do not accept the fact that he would send his beloved children to a fiery place called hell. I've studied scriptures and I interpret the Bible using my mind and the Holy Spirit inside of me, not always literally. You don't need to worry about if you are saved or if God is mad at you. It is just not who God is. God is love. God is acceptance. In the midst of all of your troubles, God is on your side trying to tell you how much he cares about you. And even if you leave God, God does not leave you. A relationship with God doesn't have to be a fight, or something that you feel like you have to do, like cleaning the toilet. It is joyful. Yes, sometimes there are rough patches. But they help us grow. And even if you don't know what to say, open your heart and your mind and let God's peace fill you. Because hell is life without God. Hell is what you experienced when you went through depression and tried to leave God. But God is always following you and wanting to welcome you back home, no matter what you do. So try taking some deep breaths and think of how big and beautiful God's love is. You are God's precious creation, and nothing can ever change that. I love you and so does God :)