Faith, Fear, God, Relationships, Spiritual Life

God Is Understanding

March 16, 2016


If you were to ask me what is the one thing that I desire most in life, I would probably tell you about my dream job that would allow me to travel all over the world, drink tea and lattes all day long, and have deep conversations with people…and get paid for it.

Or I’d share with you the vacation I have planned to take my family on if one day I find that tree people say money grows on.

Or I would rattle off all of the things that make up the perfect life I’ve imagined on Pinterest.

And while each of those things certainly rank high on my list (however unlikely they may be 😉 ), there is still one desire that trumps them all…one I tend to keep hidden so deep in my heart because somehow I think if I tell anyone what I wish for, it won’t come true.

But really, if I’m completely honest, what my heart longs for more than anything is companionship.

Gosh, I just want to be married. I’m almost 23, I’m young and “I have my whole life ahead of me.” But when it seems like everyone around me is falling in love and getting married, it feels like this constant reminder that I’m alone.

Some days it’s like, if I see one more relationship status update on Facebook…
…if I hear one more sappy date story…
…if I see one more engagement ring on my Instagram feed…
…if I get one more “you plus one” wedding invitation (and if THAT one isn’t a double whammy…”not only am I getting married and you’re not, I’m inviting you to bring a date that you don’t have.”)…
Lord, help me…it might just drive me to Christian Mingle. I mean, obviously nothing else is working…

Friends, can I be candid? Sometimes singleness just sucks. I know there is so much good that comes out of this time, so much freedom in being able to focus on me, go anywhere, do anything. This season should be embraced. But that doesn’t change the fact that sometimes (most times) I just want someone to do life with. I want my own fairytale. I want to be in love.

I have prayed soooo much about this. Seriously, if you could see my journals…

But every week, Friday and Saturday night roll around and the closest I come to a hot date is lounging in my sweatpants with Heather, catching up on the Bachelor (sorry Heather, but sometimes I want to spend my weekends with someone a little more “tall, dark and handsome.” 😉 )

For one more week my prayers go unanswered. And you know what?

I’m mad at God.

There. I said it. I’m mad at Him because I feel like He’s holding out on me. I’m annoyed because He knows what I want, what I have been hoping and dreaming for, and He’s fully capable of giving it to me! But for some reason He’s holding back. I feel like He’s not listening. I feel like I’m being punished. All of which I know isn’t true, but it doesn’t make me feel any less lonely, like I’m missing out and He doesn’t care.

But He does. That’s just it. He understands what I’m feeling because He’s the one who gave me that desire to be married and walk through life in partnership with someone else. He knit this longing for love into my being when He made me.

He gets it. He understands my anger and my frustration. He understands my confusion and my impatience. And because He understands, He gives me so much grace for when I don’t understand Him.

So to you, single girl…don’t feel guilty if you can’t find joy in this season, if you’re tired, if you’re jealous…I get it. I’m right there with you, and I understand. But more importantly, so does He.

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  • Gabriela Santos March 16, 2016 at 6:57 pm

    Are you sure you wrote this? Cause this sounds exactly like me! Just this week , I felt so bad for feeling exactly how you described you felt. I felt as if God was upset with me for not being content with just His presence in my life.
    I’m single.
    My friends aren’t. I guess it’s okay if we are not okay.
    We trust God and His promises!
    We got this.
    Thank you so much for sharing!

    • agirlikeme
      agirlikeme March 20, 2016 at 2:39 pm

      I know that feeling all too well. Contentment isn’t easy. But it’s so freeing to know that, while that’s still what God wants for us and a place He wants us to get to, He’s not mad or disappointed when we just don’t feel it. He just patiently continues to love us and remind us that He’s there.

  • Gabriela Claros March 16, 2016 at 8:40 pm

    I definitely needed to read this! I’ve often felt like I’m the only one who has ever felt like this and it most definitely sucks to feel alone. So thanks for writing this!

    • agirlikeme
      agirlikeme March 20, 2016 at 2:41 pm

      We’re in it together, girl! :)

  • Mary March 16, 2016 at 8:45 pm

    Thank you Chelsea. This post is so encouraging for me! Just recently my best friend got engaged and it’s hit me, and my brain is pretty much flooded with the thought of never getting married. It really feels overwhelming. You’ve really encouraged me with your post. Thank you, Chelsea.

    • agirlikeme
      agirlikeme March 20, 2016 at 3:02 pm

      Oh, I am RIGHT there with you. Literally as I was working on this post I got 2 save the dates in the mail, and discovered that 2 of my best friends will be getting married within a week of each other this summer. And of course all of this would come as I’m writing about how frustrating it is. Haha

  • Mollie March 16, 2016 at 9:30 pm

    This was just absolutely perfect. It’s like you were reading my mind, because everything you said is pretty much everything I’ve been thinking. It’s so nice to know I’m not alone in feeling this way. THANK YOU.

    • agirlikeme
      agirlikeme March 20, 2016 at 3:07 pm

      It just proves we’re all more alike than we think! You’re definitely not alone, Mollie :)

  • Kate March 17, 2016 at 10:57 am

    I’m actually extraordinarily happy and I’m single, but I don’t think of myself as a single or a “not yet married” as Desiring God would say. I think of myself as abiding in Christ.

    I have decided that I truly hate desiring god’s term “not yet married”. It was previously just annoying. But now I would go so far as to say that it is really destructive for the church.

    It assumes that everyone desires to be married and is called to do so. And it’s just not the case. It also gives permission for singles to be discontent right now. It’s so oxymoronic to say “not yet marrieds have everything they need on Christ right now” because the very use of not yet means something else is to be expected and it is better than what you have now.

    People ask me – in the church and out – if I have the desire to be married. And it’s hard to answer because it truly baffles people. I love marriage. I think it’s beautiful and reflects the gospel and rock on. But beyond anything else, I truly desire Jesus. And that is such a lovely and merciful and kind grace to me. God is going to do whatever He is going to do and it is going to blow me away because how will He who did not spare His own Son not give me all good things that will lead to deeper fuller truer joy in Him?

    And it’s not like I’m saying waiting is fun. Singles is awesome. I’m saying Jesus is awesome. You know? I just think the whole paradigm is off. We’re asking the wrong question to solve the wrong problem

    • agirlikeme
      agirlikeme March 20, 2016 at 3:53 pm

      I agree! Thanks for sharing your heart, Kate.

  • Amber March 17, 2016 at 9:21 pm

    I felt that way when I was your age. Exactly your age, actually. I got married right before I turned 24, but when I was your age we hadn’t even met yet. I will tell you this. My husband was not ready for me yet. He had another girlfriend, and when I told him I wished we had met earlier, he said, “I wasn’t ready for you yet. I had to wait a little while after her.” If I had met him earlier, he definitely wouldn’t have asked me out like he did three days after we did meet. I don’t know what your future holds. But my husband is amazing and was so worth waiting for. You might not have wanted comments like this, because they don’t help the way you feel now. But I can tell you real life fairy tales do happen because I’m living one.

    • Michaela March 18, 2016 at 8:57 pm

      This is awesome, Amber! Thanks for sharing and being an encouragement to entirely single 21 year old me. :)

    • agirlikeme
      agirlikeme March 20, 2016 at 3:21 pm

      Amber, thank you for sharing this! Sure, it may not change the way I feel, but your story does offer hope, and it does remind me (and others) that God really is working behind the scenes, whether we see it or not. I may not feel like He’s moving fast enough, but despite how I feel, I do truly believe that His timing is perfect. I so appreciate your perspective here…it’s not just about whether or not I’m ready, it’s about the man God is preparing for me being in that place, too. Thanks again for the encouragement!!

  • Sarah March 18, 2016 at 4:01 am

    I’m really feeling this right now. SO MANY of my friends are engaged or dating I’m starting to lose it. I’m only 21, so I know it’s crazy to feel like I should already be married or at least dating someone, but we can’t really help how we feel. (Unfortunately, am I right?) But this helped me refocus and place my doubts and fears back in the right place again, and not feel so insane for thinking these things. Thanks for writing on this! :)

    • agirlikeme
      agirlikeme March 20, 2016 at 3:38 pm

      You’re definitely not insane. Actually, I think it’s more insane that this expectation is placed on us to be sporting a diamond on our left hand in our early 20s! That’s in the plan for some people, and that’s great! But for others, the timeline is different and that is perfectly ok. It doesn’t stop us from “feelin all the feels,” but it does feel soooo good to know someone else is there, too, and really gets it. Thanks girl!

  • Michaela March 18, 2016 at 8:55 pm

    Wow, this is literally exactly what I’ve been going through, and almost word for word with the conversations I’ve been having with friends and mentors. It’s so encouraging to know that none of us is alone in the dreaming and impatient waiting.

    • agirlikeme
      agirlikeme March 20, 2016 at 3:26 pm

      Sometimes I wish ALL of us could sit down together and talk openly about our hopes, dreams, doubts and fears…we’d all find that, though we’re from different places and live such different lives, we still fight such similar battles and share so many of the same thoughts and feelings. All of these comments prove that! Thanks for sharing, Michaela :)