Yesterday my oldest daughter almost got hit by a car. We were out to eat with some friends which included 7 kids. It’s always a bit chaotic when we get together because you have one eye on your child and the other eye is in the present conversation. As Eisley was running ahead of me to leave the restaurant I called her back and very intently told her to stay close to the adults. She listened for a moment but then I looked away for a brief second while a jeep slammed on his brakes and the driver practically shaking in his seat told me to watch my kid more carefully because he almost hit her and it scared the *#@* out of him. I then see Eisley running towards me from the street and into my arms. My eyes welled up with tears. Did that just happen? How did she even get in the street? I was relieved and mad all at the same time. ” Eisley- you know not to go in the street!! Why did you do that? You could have been hurt!” And then she proceeded to say….” I know mommy. I’m so sorry. I won’t ever do that again.” This fear began to well up inside of me of losing my daughter. The thought of her getting seriously hurt or even killed brought me to my knees. But then her words that followed blew me away…. “I was running and then Jesus came and helped me run the other way so I didn’t get hit by the car.” I sat there for a moment wondering if I heard her correctly. Jesus helped her!!?? I just held her tightly thanking God for protecting my baby girl in a moment when I had absolutely no control.
If you have followed our blog for a long time it will be no surprise to you my struggle with fear. In all honesty it’s a battle I can’t say I have won. I have good days and bad days. I’ve had two miscarriages and difficult pregnancies which has led me to fear losing my children. I have had past relationships with guys who gave me more attention if I was looking pretty which has led me to fear losing acceptance from people if I didn’t look up to their standards. I fear messing up my daily routine and schedule for fear of being left with a messy house and moody children. I long to be used by God yet fear being used by God. I fear that one day my husband will get sick of me or will no longer be attracted to me even though he has never given me any reason to ever worry over that. I fear God will bring some major tragedy into our lives in order to teach me a valuable lesson or build more character within me. Sometimes I even draw back from praying for certain things out of fear of the cost it will take in order to receive it. I fear losing friendships, gaining friendships, being judged, sagging skin, dying, truly living, darkness, being alone, what people think about me, others being used more than me, change, making the wrong decision, disappointing God, disappointing my dad…the list goes on and on.
Like the apostle Peter, I love Jesus wildly and passionately, but when given the option of looking at the wind of my fears or looking at the face of Jesus, my fears often win. It’s hard to step out of the boat when we are anchored to our fears. I think that’s why I tend to be a little over controlling in some areas. However, last night Jesus showed up to my little girl and controlled the very thing that I could not. Even when my trust in HIm has been lacking and my faith has been sinking in the storm… He still showed up. I can’t help but think all my self- preserving and self-protecting has kept me from truly seeing His hand at work in all the things I fear. Am I missing it? Am I missing the sight of goodness because my fear keeps my eyes so busy? God calls us out of ourselves and into Himself so we might live and leave everything up to Him. So we might be radiant and full of peace.
God is calling us out of our fears.
“When God calls us up, it’s easy and tempting to look down at everything we lack. We feel the limitations of our humanity and we become acutely aware of our weaknesses and foibles. When we focus on our fears ,the risk of stepping out feels greater than the potential reward of living by faith. In Christ we’re called, appointed, and equipped to live lives bigger than we are. We need to stop judging ourselves by what we lack. We come alive, find courage, and gain ground to the extent that we keep our eyes on the One who says we lack no good thing apart from Him.” – Susie Larson Do you trust HIm? Do you see HIm?
“What a God we have!! And how fortunate we are to have Him, this Father of our Master Jesus! Because Jesus was raised from the dead, we’ve been given a brand- new life and have everything to live for! Including a future in heaven- and the future starts now. God is keeping careful watch over us and the future. The day is coming when you’ll have it all- life healed and whole.” – 1 Peter 1:3-5 The Message
” I sought the Lord, and He answered me; He delivered me from all my fears. Those who look to HIm are radiant; their faces are never covered with shame.”- Ps. 34:4-5
Those who look to Him are radiant- meaning They found light! Their faces brightened up and became cheerful. Their minds were made calm, for they felt assured that God would protect them. In Hebrew it means “to flow together”. When you look to Jesus, not only will your face shine and be lightened but you will flow as one with God. Look to Him and be lightened. Look up to God in prayer and by faith, when in distressed and uncomfortable circumstances, for help and deliverance. Expect mercy. Your face will not be covered in shame which means you will not be disappointed by your hope but you will find relief.
I am sure there are past experiences you have had that has created fear within you. However, we need to be careful to not blame the past for our fears or even allow that to give us permission to fear… because Jesus commands us DO NOT FEAR! We have no excuse. His power resides within us and His death as overcome fear itself. Its easier said than done.. I know. I’m not one to sit here and say I have the answer because it is a daily struggle I face. But I am aware of my lack in trusting God… are you? Will you trust HIm today? Will you lay down your fears, look to His face and shine? Will you surrender your past to His loving hands and stop making excuses for your fear?
“Climb out of that drugged, dead comforting pit that is keeping you paralyzed and break right up through the earth and into the life you were born for, in the now of your life, while there is till time and hunger in your veins.”- Voskamp