Faith, Fear, God, Identity, Spiritual Life

Fear

July 30, 2014

Yesterday my oldest daughter almost got hit by a car.  We were out to eat with some friends which included 7 kids.  It’s always a bit chaotic when we get together because you have one eye on your child and the other eye is in the present conversation.  As Eisley was running ahead of me to leave the restaurant I called her back and very intently told her to stay close to the adults.  She listened for a moment but then I looked away for a brief second while a jeep slammed on his brakes and the driver practically shaking in his seat told me to watch my kid more carefully because he almost hit her and it scared the *#@* out of him.  I then see Eisley running towards me from the street and into my arms.  My eyes welled up with tears.  Did that just happen?  How did she even get in the street?  I was relieved and mad all at the same time.  ” Eisley- you know not to go in the street!!  Why did you do that?  You could have been hurt!”  And then she proceeded to say….” I know mommy.  I’m so sorry.  I won’t ever do that again.”  This fear began to well up inside of me of losing my daughter.  The thought of her getting seriously hurt or even killed brought me to my knees.  But then her words that followed blew me away….  “I was running and then Jesus came and helped me run the other way so I didn’t get hit by the car.”  I sat there for a moment wondering if I heard her correctly.  Jesus helped her!!??  I just held her tightly thanking God for protecting my baby girl in a moment when I had absolutely no control.

If you have followed our blog for a long time it will be no surprise to you my struggle with fear.  In all honesty it’s a battle I can’t say I have won.  I have good days and bad days.  I’ve had two miscarriages and difficult pregnancies which has led me to fear losing my children.  I have had past relationships with guys who gave me more attention if I was looking pretty which has led me to fear losing acceptance from people if I didn’t look up to their standards.  I fear messing up my daily routine and schedule for fear of being left with a messy house and moody children.  I long to be used by God yet fear being used by God.  I fear that one day my husband will get sick of me or will no longer be attracted to me even though he has never given me any reason to ever worry over that.  I fear God will bring some major tragedy into our lives in order to teach me a valuable lesson or build more character within me. Sometimes I even draw back from praying for certain things out of fear of the cost it will take in order to receive it.  I fear losing friendships, gaining friendships, being judged, sagging skin, dying, truly living, darkness, being alone, what people think about me, others being used more than me, change, making the wrong decision, disappointing God, disappointing my dad…the list goes on and on.

Like the apostle Peter, I love Jesus wildly and passionately, but when given the option of looking at the wind of my fears or looking at the face of Jesus, my fears often win.  It’s hard to step out of the boat when we are anchored to our fears.  I think that’s why I tend to be a little over controlling in some areas.  However, last night Jesus showed up to my little girl and controlled the very thing that I could not.  Even when my trust in HIm has been lacking and my faith has been sinking in the storm… He still showed up.  I can’t help but think all my self- preserving and self-protecting has kept me from truly seeing His hand at work in all the things I fear.  Am I missing it?  Am I missing the sight of goodness because my fear keeps my eyes so busy?  God calls us out of ourselves and into Himself so we might live and leave everything up to Him.  So we might be radiant and full of peace.

God is calling us out of our fears.

“When God calls us up, it’s easy and tempting to look down at everything we lack.  We feel the limitations of our humanity and we become acutely aware of our weaknesses and foibles.  When we focus on our fears ,the risk of stepping out feels greater than the potential reward of living by faith.  In Christ we’re called, appointed, and equipped to live lives bigger than we are.  We need to stop judging ourselves by what we lack.  We come alive, find courage, and gain ground to the extent that we keep our eyes on the One who says we lack no good thing apart from Him.” – Susie Larson  Do you trust HIm?  Do you see HIm?

“What a God we have!! And how fortunate we are to have Him, this Father of our Master Jesus!  Because Jesus was raised from the dead, we’ve been given a brand- new life and have everything to live for! Including a future in heaven- and the future starts now.  God is keeping careful watch over us and the future.  The day is coming when you’ll have it all- life healed and whole.” – 1 Peter 1:3-5 The Message

” I sought the Lord, and He answered me; He delivered me from all my fears.  Those who look to HIm are radiant; their faces are never covered with shame.”- Ps. 34:4-5

Those who look to Him are radiant- meaning They found light!  Their faces brightened up and became cheerful.  Their minds were made calm, for they felt assured that God would protect them.  In Hebrew it means “to flow together”.  When you look to Jesus, not only will your face shine and be lightened but you will flow as one with God.  Look to Him and be lightened.  Look up to God in prayer and by faith, when in distressed and uncomfortable circumstances, for help and deliverance.  Expect mercy.  Your face will not be covered in shame which means you will not be disappointed by your hope but you will find relief.

I am sure there are past experiences you have had that has created fear within you.  However, we need to be careful to not blame the past for our fears or even allow that to give us permission to fear… because Jesus commands us DO NOT FEAR!  We have no excuse.  His power resides within us and His death as overcome fear itself.  Its easier said than done.. I know.  I’m not one to sit here and say I have the answer because it is a daily struggle I face.  But I am aware of my lack in trusting God… are you?  Will you trust HIm today?  Will you lay down your fears, look to His face and shine?  Will you surrender your past to His loving hands and stop making excuses for your fear?

“Climb out of that drugged, dead comforting pit that is keeping you paralyzed and break right up through the earth and into the life you were born for, in the now of your life, while there is till time and hunger in your veins.”- Voskamp

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  • Abby July 30, 2014 at 9:37 am

    Thank you so much, Kelly. Fear is something I stuggle with as well. You are such an encouragement. I am learning to surrender everything. I love you, and I pray for you. God bless all three of you at A Girl Like Me.

  • Katie Atkins July 30, 2014 at 9:37 am

    Wow Kelly. I’m glad little Eisley is ok! My 5 year old brother ran out in front of a car and almost got hit not too long ago. I can relate with the fear and sudden shock that comes over you in that situation! It brings joy to my heart that she knows it was Jesus who took care of her (and you!) in that situation. I struggle with fear as well, and I know that it is something I can’t overcome on my own. But I have to constantly remind myself that no matter what happens in this life, my savior is waiting for me with arms wide open, and I just need to run to him. And, your husband is VERY lucky to have you. Thanks for sharing you heart with us. :) I’m praying for you and your family!

  • ebee333 July 30, 2014 at 10:34 am

    EFT has changed my life in regards to fears and my past, which is similar to yours. If you have questions, I’m happy to share more of my experience.

  • loveaotearoa July 30, 2014 at 11:27 pm

    Thank you

  • Talitha K August 1, 2014 at 7:58 am

    Wow! I often read your posts, but don’t often comment, but today this was just for me. Just a while ago something came up and it exposed a lot of my fears, ones I didn’t even know I had. Thanks for a good reminder that God is in control of everything and calls us to trust in Him.

  • A Worn Girl August 3, 2014 at 2:33 pm

    Encouraged. :) So glad Eisley is safe!

  • Meg L August 4, 2014 at 4:23 am

    It’s an encouraging message that God can break through our fear and even through past hurt and overcome it all 😀 Was hoping that maybe you could write something about social media and how to approach it? Just something I think would be helpful to quite a few young women.
    Thank you for sharing your wisdom and experiences, it means a lot! :)

  • silentdreamer14 August 5, 2014 at 4:39 pm

    Reblogged this on Re. and commented:
    I, too, have a huge list of fears that tend to paralyze me and my faith. But I decided several months back that I am not going to always live in fear and distrust. I’d much rather live in Love. :)

  • Amanda August 9, 2014 at 12:31 am

    Wow I’m sorry you had to go through that!! Can u please write a post on what’s it’s like being married to Mike? & having a famous husband! He seems like the perfect guy! Everyone adores him! I wish i was married to him! I feel like you guys have the perfect marriage. Do u ever get In fights lol he is so amazing! I just love him
    So much! Is it hard spending time away from him when he’s on the road? Do u ever get worried while he’s on the road? How are your daughters? I know you wrote there where some concerns for you’re younger daughter June having down syndrome. You never updated us on her I’ve been praying for her! Please let us know! I was alway wondering why you done accept any of our friend requests on Instagram? We would love to see your pics’! I love seeing heathers! Please let us see Ur family pics like heather does.

  • Amanda August 9, 2014 at 12:44 am

    Sorry for all the grammar errors. I guess I should of read it over! Sorry!

  • Jamie August 9, 2014 at 1:01 am

    I feel like Kelly thinks she’s better than everyone. Met her a while back. Maybe I’m wrong though. It’s sad she writes for a blog about Gods grace acts like that . I was really disappointed. Just like Amanda said she didn’t accept my request to follow her on Instagram too. I guess she doesn’t wants is to see her pictures. Oh well. I guess I figured we where like “family” cause I’ve read this blog since it started….I will say Heather was as sweet as can be though. I really do love reading this blog. Maybe Kelly was having a bad day cause both kelly and heather have helped me so much just by reading there blogs. Please don’t take this the wrong way. I love y’all

    • agirlikemee August 9, 2014 at 3:33 pm

      Dearest Jamie

      I am so very very sorry that you feel this way. The last thing I ever want to come across is arrogant or seeming like I think I am better than anyone else. That is never my heart. I know that I am not better than anyone. I am a sinner, I make mistakes, I am a girl who struggles just like you and I only live in this world through the grace of God. I am absolutely nothing without Him. Your comment really breaks my heart and I am so sorry I came across that way. The reason we started this blog was to help girls. And through this journey I have learned so much about myself and wanting nothing more to be a vessel that God can use to minister to others hearts. I am no better than you. I am no worse than you. Im just a child saved by grace and loved in spite of my faults. There are times that I meet people that my attitude may come across wrong. If I ever meet someone when I’m with Mike I automatically feel that they are there to talk to Mike and so I stand off in the background not thinking that anyone would be there to really meet me. That could come across the wrong way as if I don’t care to meet you. I also can tend to be really awkward around meeting new people. With that said, I pray that through my writings you would know the intensions of my heart.
      As far as instagram goes…. some people feel very comfortable with sharing their private life with anyone. I am not one of those people. I have three very important and beautiful little girls that I want to keep private and close with those who I am closest with. It is nothing personal towards anyone…. In a life where my husband is well known in the public eye I desire to have some sort of boundaries for my children and for myself. I pray you understand.

      To anyone who I have met and who has felt that I did not care about them or that I was too good for them… I pray that you would know that is not my heart, that is not my desire, that is not me. I care about you…. I’m just awkward, maybe a little insecure, and less vocal to people I do not know.

      Thanks for your comment Jamie.
      Kelly

      • Jamie August 12, 2014 at 11:08 pm

        Please forgive me kelly, I never meant to hurt you. I just felt that way after meeting you & seeing you took the time to write back & reading your words made me see I was wrong. I just look up to you so much & maybe I’m a little jealous of you, it seems like u have the perfect life with the perfect husband & children. I honestly think so much of you and you & heather have both helped me so much with your blog. Please forgive me for judging you & thinking you thought you where better than everyone just because you didn’t talk to me. I never thought that maybe your just shy around people you don’t know or feel like they just wanna talk talk to mike. I’m truly sorry. Please know I think you are a great person & look up to you so much. Please keep doing what God has lead you to do & know you are making a big difference in so many girls lives ESP TAN fans that see the wives wanting to help us girls out. I know I don’t know you guys personally but I feel like I do lol & that’s why I just wanted to be your friend on Instagram but I completely understand why you would want keep some things private! It would me cool if y’all posted family pics on the AGLM insta, or pics of you guys, just a suggestion tho! I know prob a lot of readers would love to see pics of Ur lives. :) thank you kelly & thank you for your words. Sorry from the bottom of my heart!

  • Danelle August 9, 2014 at 1:13 am

    Wow I felt the same day.

  • Danelle August 9, 2014 at 1:37 am

    I mean I feel the same as Jamie!