You used to be an old friend of mine. We would sit for hours while you told me lie after lie and I would listen. You saw into my heart and you knew the strings to pull bringing me closer to you and farther away from truth and peace. You somehow shadowed my vision so that all I saw in front of me was the painful circumstances at hand. It was as if your home was a deep pit and once I walked through the door I would fall onto your cement floor and stay for awhile.
You sat across from me and told me this life was too much for me. You told me there would be no more money to provide for my needs. You told me there would be no job coming to my door and my searching would go in vain. You told me I would be alone forever and no one would ever want me. You told me that I wasn’t worth much. You told me death would win and I would be left only in sadness without hope. You told me my burdens would continue to push me down and this struggle would get the best of me. You told me there was only light if I could see it, feel it, and sense it. You told me to put my hope only in my friends, family and others who I admired. You taught me how to put people on pedestals and secretly worship them. When I sat there crying you told me I had every right to be upset- I deserved to feel hopeless- I deserved to feel like the victim, to remain the victim. In some twisted way that brought me comfort. In some twisted way it gave me control. You told me God was failing me and He didn’t really care at all.
For some reason I trusted and believed you.
But even in my doubts of a loving God and in my believing of your lies… truth broke through as it always ends up doing. You were wrong. You didn’t tell me- ” He knows what He is doing with me, and when He has tested me, I will come forth as pure gold!!” (Job 23:10)
You didn’t tell me that God may be calling me to live my life without something I never thought I could live without. But if I have Him- I have the only wealth, health, love, honor, and security I really need and cannot lose.
You didn’t tell me that these present burdens are actually mercies from God.
You didn’t tell me when it feels like God is killing me He is actually saving me!!
You didn’t tell me of the redemption that lies at the end of all this. The Joy available to me in every moment. The peace residing in me who is Jesus.
My trust has not been in God but has been in my circumstances, public opinion and my own competence!
I may not always understand… but I now see the truth.
God will provide for all of my needs. (Matthew 6)
I don’t have to fear because God is always with me and I’m never alone. (Isaiah 41:10)
I am worth more than sparrows. (Matthew 10:31) The sparrows were worth nothing… and yet God was concerned with them! He cared for them and not one of them fell to the ground without God knowing. If God is concerned with these birds… how much more He must be concerned with me?
Death may come and sickness may sneak in, but even death cannot overcome me or my God. (1 Cor. 15) There can somehow be peace present in the pain. Unimaginable peace. Unexplainable hope!
There is light. When I don’t see it, feel it, or sense it…. it is there. (2 Sam.22:29, Ps. 27:1, Psalm 4:6, Ps. 119:105, 119:130, John 8:12, 2 Cor. 4:6, 1 Peter 2:9)
God will not fail me. (Jos. 1:5) At times I feel as though He has dropped me from His hands. But in those times I now see my faith is found in God, not my feelings. He is Gracious and Holy. Merciful and Loving.
You’re very good at persuading me to look at what God may not be doing. But you forget that it’s all about who God is.
You won’t win. You cannot have my heart, my thoughts and my body. I have believed your lies too often and now I see the truth. For even when I am discouraged I will look to Him and rejoice in what He did for me, I will have the joy and hope necessary- and the freedom to follow the call of God when times seem at their darkest and most difficult. I choose to not remain a victim. I will stand up and shadow my eyes from the darkness so that all I can see is Him standing there with me- lifting my heavy shoulders, teaching me how to walk again up the mountain, and bringing me out of this shining as pure gold.
“We’ve all felt it- the uncertainty, pain or fear that leaves us on the brink of despair. Perhaps you are feeling it today as you rise to meet what greets you. We close our eyes and drink in the truth like water: He is our hope.”- Anonymous