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Faith, God, Relationships

The Waiting

May 20, 2015

kels (147 of 165)It’s time for a good ol’ girl-talk confession: I have never done relationships right. To the point where they’ve mostly all just been “flirtationships” that never became real relationships. I was always the go-getter, the chaser, the pursuer, the queen of DTR, being the first to ask the question of “where is this going” after just a couple weeks.

I probably came off pretty desperate. And maybe I was.

After watching guy after guy pull away after only just starting to get to know me, you can imagine how unwanted I felt. I thought something was wrong with me. And over the course of the next couple years I found out there was.

It wasn’t that I wasn’t pretty enough or smart enough or funny enough…too tall, too loud, too dramatic. I wasn’t “too much” or “not enough”.

The problem was my impatience.

My thought process went something like this:

I see boy.
I like boy.
Boy has texted me for 3 days.
Boy must like me.
“Boy, do you like me?”
“I just want to be friends.”
*Crushed*

Oy. If I could just go back and talk to me then…

So you get the picture. You could have handed me a “Relationships for Dummies” book and I STILL would have messed it up. Because I wanted what (in my exaggerated view) everyone around me had. And I wasn’t about to wait for a guy to make up his mind and pursue me. I wanted to skip the whole process and get to the part where we were hand in hand, making plans.

It took a couple years for me to really understand all of this, to cut the guy-chasing nonsense, and to put all my energy into chasing the One whose feelings and intentions I never had to question. Once that relationship became enough for me and I’d stopped scanning every crowd for my future husband…a really great guy unexpectedly stepped into my life.

As I got to know him and things gradually progressed between us, I did everything differently. He was the first guy I ever allowed to pursue me. I resisted being the initiator and waited for him to make each move. And though it ultimately didn’t last, for the first time I got a glimpse first hand of what a Godly relationship is supposed to look like – what my role is, what a guy’s role is. And for a while, I was thankful just to have learned that, in that way, in that season.

But unfortunately that wore off a little too quickly.

Don’t get me wrong, I am still thankful. But now I’m back to the waiting. Oh, the dreaded waiting…

I always wanted to be married in my early twenties. At 19 I thought I had plenty of time, but the second I hit 20, I felt like the clock started ticking. Now I’m 22, everyone around me is dating, engaged, married…and here I am. Single. And I feel like I’m WAY behind.

I feel like God has given me a love for a man I’ve never met and this strong desire for marriage…but my life is one big “not yet.”

So often lately I’ve found myself wondering if God’s holding out on me. Have you ever felt that? I mean, He already knows where my future husband is. He has the power to bring us together and free me from the torture (or so it sometimes seems) of waiting! So why doesn’t He? Where’s my Prince Charming? My knight in shining armor? When do I finally get my fairytale?

At times I’ve even found myself back in a place where I believe there’s something wrong with me. Maybe I’m not growing enough, not praying enough, not close enough to God…maybe I’m too insecure, too unsatisfied with the Lord alone, too desperate for a worldly fulfillment. Maybe I have to fix and change all of these things in order to prove to God that I’m ready. Maybe that quick, teasing glimpse I had of a relationship was Him rewarding me for good behavior or something…and then I must have done something to mess it up.

Or maybe none of this is in my control.

Maybe, just maybe, the lesson is in the waiting.

Sure, there are without a doubt areas of my life God is still working on to prepare me for a future relationship, to mold me into the friend/girlfriend/fiancé/wife I will someday need to be.

But to get there, I have to wait. I have to rest in knowing that there’s a reason for the journey, a purpose behind the whole process. If we got everything we wanted when we wanted it, what would we ever hope for or trust God for?

I know this has all been mainly geared towards my fellow single ladies (“now put your hands up!”) given that that’s the season of life I’m currently walking and speaking from. But no matter what season you’re in, there is always impatience and always something you’re waiting for. So, my sweet friends, wherever you sit as you read this today – whether you’re waiting on a cup of coffee, a miracle, or your Prince Charming – remember this:

Hopes are high.
Dreams are overwhelming.
Desires are strong.
And patience is hard.

But the Lord is working in those lulls.
And there is joy to be found in the waiting.

Faith, Fear, God, Identity, Redemption, Relationships, Spiritual Life

Remain

February 25, 2015

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“Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. 
And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity. Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful. Let the message of Christ dwell among you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom through psalms, hymns, and songs from the Spirit, singing to God with gratitude in your hearts. And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.” Colossians 3:12-17

On January 31st, as those words covered the gathering, my heart grew and my life changed. Brendon and I stood at the altar, surrounded by the dense tropical forest of south Florida and more love than I have ever felt in my life.

Everything is new. My last name. My official state of residence. My college degree. 2014 was a year of discovery in my life and God began clarifying my dreams for His purpose. Since we all rang in the New Year with sparkly dresses and noisemakers, or for me, my parents and their friends eating chocolate cake and playing ping pong, life has been a flash mob of wedding planning, marriage, settling our home, and living on a tour bus.

So much change. GOOD change! And in all of this movin’ and shakin’ I realize that there is one single thing in life that is constant. And that is the truth of the gospel of Jesus.

God remains. That’s it. He is steady. He is faithful.

 

“…as surely as the sun rises, He will appear…” hosea 6.3

 

To the ladies of A Girl Like Me,

The six of us writers are for you. We are for you because God is for you.

We want to challenge you and walk with you in life.

He cares about you deeply—deeper than what we can possibly know.

In times of distress and in times of joy, admit it!

Let your community bear burdens alongside you and celebrate with you.

God remains in every instant of our lives,

in every country of our world,

in every cry of our souls,

in every promise that He has said.

Rest in His faithfulness today.

 

Choose to speak life.

Choose to be encouraging in a society of criticism.

Choose to reject hate and replace it with compassion.

 

May we be a group of women- quick to run to Jesus, ready to obey God, sensitive to the Spirit working in this ministry, confessing our dirt and sharing our joys, embracing the growing pains and always armed with the Truth of the gospel of Christ.

Whatever changes you are facing, whether it be moving to a new place, switching schools, stepping into a new season of any kind, may you face that new season of life with such grace. Grace that Jesus laid down His life for.

So here I sit, in the back of a tour bus somewhere in north Florida, feeling like a baby calf that was just born- covered in goo and awkwardly wobbling around on my new blogging-legs. Honestly, I just want to write something that will stick with you.

And all I can think of is a Snowy Owl. Snowy Owl parents fiercely protect their young. They know their babies weaknesses and defend their nest. They perch on the highest branch of the tree to look out over the community seeking to provide adequate food. Instinctually, they adapt to change in the climate. They know when their babies are ready to fledge… to fly out of the nest for the first time. To courageously start the next part of their story.

Isn’t that like God?

To protect us and love us in our weaknesses.

To provide for us and prepare us for change.

To be ever-present and all-knowing.

To be our guardian as we face new beginnings.

And remain with us through all time.

 

“…the Lord will fight for you. you need only to be still…” exodus 14.14

 

May we all be fledglings.

Ready for what is to come.

Consumed by His love.

With faith to fly.

 

 Here are a few lyrics to the song “I Will Follow” by Vertical Church Band:

When the sea is calm and all is right // When I feel Your favor flood my life

Even in the good, I’ll follow You

When the boat is tossed upon the waves // When I wonder if You’ll keep me safe

Even in the storms, I’ll follow You

I believe everything that You say You are // I believe that I have seen Your unchanging heart

In the good things and in the hardest part // I believe and I will follow You

God, Identity, Judging, Relationships

Judging Stephanie

August 13, 2014

Back in the day I used to know this girl named- well lets just say Stephanie.  Stephanie lived in my neighborhood.  There was a group of us that would always hang out and  Stephanie wasn’t one of them.  She was different.  She wore really short shorts and cropped tops usually showing most of her bra.  Her long blond hair was always hanging down the middle of her back and her face was hidden somewhere beneath all of the makeup.  I remember my friends and I would talk about her a lot.  Things usually like- “I can’t believe she is wearing that.  Who does she think she is?  I can’t believe she smokes…. that’s so wrong.  She’s really bad and we shouldn’t be associated with her.  So glad we’re not like her.”  Words like these were exchanged for a whole year between me and my friends.  But one day we stopped seeing her around.  We didn’t think much of it until we met another girl who used to be friends with her who told us what happened to her.  Stephanie had moved away because she was a foster kid.  Apparently she would stay with a family until they got sick of her and then she would be shipped off to live with someone else.  Most of her life she felt unwanted.  When I heard this I remember feeling sick to my stomach.  Here I was judging her without knowing anything about her.  Without knowing her at all.

“Judging others is a blindfold.  Judging others is a blindfold that blinds us to our own grime and blinds us to the GRACE which others are as eligible and entitled to as we are.” – Voskamp

 Everyone has traveled their own road.  Everyone has a story to tell, pain they have had to suffer, and life experiences that has shaped them one way or another.

Matthew 7:1-5- ” Do not judge, or you too will be judged.  For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.  Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your (sister’s) eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?  How can you say to your (sister) Let me take the speck out of your eye, when all the time there is a plank in your own eye?  You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your (sister’s) eye.”

Phew!  Girls!  Where is your heart?  Is there someone that you may be presuming assumptions upon because of the way they look, because of their attitude towards you, because of the choices they have made and all of the outward things your eyes may see??  Ask yourself do you know their story?   Do you know them at all?  Or are you just sizing them up to be the very thing you want them to be in order to make yourself feel better about yourself? Have you looked at your own heart lately?

 “Do you hold other people to a standard of perfection instead of letting them all be held in the arms of grace?”- Voskamp

Oh sweet grace.  We can rejoice because we are covered by GRACE!!  We can rejoice because they too are covered by GRACE!!  I am dancing and singing with my arms outstretched because of who I am in Christ!  The more I believe in His love for me the more I am able to love everyone else regardless of who they are or who they seem to be.  We are called to love and we are ALL entitled to grace.

And then there are those of you who find yourself on the other side of it.  You feel alone and isolated because you have been accused of being a certain way.  Or other girls have their opinion about you because they are only looking at your outward appearance and not taking the time to really get to know your heart.  Maybe you’re the one who has had to travel a dirty road leading you to a pain so deep that the only thing you know to do is to inflict pain onto others.  Maybe you’re hurting others because you yourself are hurting.

There is hope for you dear friend.  “The Lord does not look at the things man looks at.  Man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.”- 1 Samuel 16:7

The Lord sees your whole story and sees the very depths of your heart.  He is lifting up your head, staring into your eyes and carrying through the weight of each day.  You are not what everyone else says of you… you belong to Jesus and He says that you are His child!  You are His friend. – John 15:15  You are justified and redeemed. Rom. 3:24  You are a fellow heir with Christ.  Rom 8:17  You are a temple of the Holy Spirit. 1 Cor. 9:19  You are joined to the Lord and are one spirit with Him.  1 Cor. 6:17  You are a new creation  2 Cor. 5:17  The list goes on and on.  Who cares what others say about you… who does Jesus say you are?  The one who knows everything about you actually calls you one with Himself!  Hold on to this truth and be careful to not find yourself judging those who judge you.

In whichever situation you find yourself in, go to Jesus.  May he open our hearts to our own sin and dig out the filth that has been piling up needing to be plucked out.  I pray that pride will fall and shame will be thrown to the ground.  I pray our eyes be taken off of ourselves all together and placed on the cross. I pray we live each day with kindness on our lips uplifting one another, encouraging one another and loving each other because we have been given kindness and love when we do not deserve it ourselves.  May we not find ourselves assuming the worst in someone but may we find ourselves always seeking to understand.  “Set a guard over my mouth, O Lord: keep watch over the door of my lips.  Let not my heart be drawn to what is evil….” Psalm 141:3-4

I wish I could go back to that little neighborhood where all my time was wrapped around my friends like my feathered bangs wrapped around my head, and Stephanie sitting on her front porch with a cigarette between her fingers.  I would do things a little differently.  My hope is that I would walk up to her and say hi.  I would tell her my name.  I would sit down next to her and maybe ask her questions about herself.  I would try to get to know her.  I may even risk being associated with her.  After all- Jesus was associated with sinners.  The tax collectors, the drunks, the prostitutes……hmmmmm….. even me.

I was no better than Stephanie.  I am no better than you.  We are all just children in need of Jesus.

“When this life ends we will all see each other for what we really are.  There will be surprises.  One of those surprises will surely be how ill-willed our judgements were.  Another will be how much suffering we caused others through wrongly judging them.  Yet another will be how often we were guilty of the very thing we judged another for”. – Anonymous

Faith, God, Identity, Redemption, Relationships, Spiritual Life, Suffering

Hey There Lonely Girl

July 9, 2014

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Hey There Lonely Girl,

On some park bench in the middle of the day, there you sit. You see everything and everyone around you, and you wonder, do they see you back. These vacant benches and quiet spaces have become like an old comfy shirt to your weary and broken soul.

For to be seen, is to be known. 

Sitting in secluded corners sipping coffee, you look like you’re waiting for a friend to arrive, but you know that’s not the case. You seem confident in the loneliness, almost as though you prefer the solace. No one can see, however,  that silently your heart is screaming for someone, anyone to notice you. To come into your pain. To make you…not so lonely.
Coffee Shop Girl

Fear of your destiny to forever be abandoned, excluded, denied, rejected, and forgotten sweep over your already tired soul and you just cant imagine how this life could ever bring you joy again. You will forever be alone.

Darkness has a way of captivating our spirit. Consuming us thick and tricking us into believing that dawn will never come, only night. Only the emptiness.

But hear me when I say this, Lonely Girl- light HAS come. He has come. He has seen those spaces and places you keep hidden from the world. The things that trap you in your loneliness. He knows the thoughts and regrets that plague you in the night when you feel the most alone. He knows it all.

And the moments when your heart’s mouth cries out to be known, to be loved, to be seen, He is right there, looking right at you….and loving you.

The world will always lie to you. It will tell you that you were a mistake, too screwed up to ever be fixed; destined for solitude. But He who is named TRUTH says otherwise.

He has said that you are more precious than rubies. He has said that you are so worth loving, that life itself is not too great a sacrifice for you. He has said he would never leave you or abandon you. To Him your name is not Lonely. To Him, your name is

Holy, Righteous, & Redeemed

He is for you. I am for you. And a chord of three strands cannot be broken.

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So hold hands with me as we hold onto to Him and together we will see just how abundant this life can be.

“For Greater is He that is in me, than he that is in the world.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

Body Image, Family, God, Identity, Relationships

My Digital Friend is Taking Over

May 29, 2014

I consider myself to be a pretty well rounded mother of three. I do the laundry, cook the food, clean the messes, bandage the boo-boos, read stories and kiss little cheeks. I’m a multi-tasker to the max and I take pride in getting many things done at once.

I also consider myself an excellent phone consumer. I can scroll through Instagram, check my email, search the weather, pick through Pinterest and text my friends and family all at once.

What’s truly impressive, however, is my ability to be a mother and a phone consumer at the same time. Although impressive, this “talent” you could say has led me down a path of habit, addiction and absence.

My i-phone has become another member of the family. I catch myself constantly saying “hold on a minute, wait one sec, let me just finish this sentence, I’ll be right there, etc.” as I hold my phone in my hands typing away as my child pulls on my pant leg and as my husband waits for my full attention to say something. I hear the bing of an incoming text and I’m answering its call as if it has trained me to come like a dog by its master. Somehow everything seems urgent on the phone. My friend asked an important question, this person needs something from me, I need to get back in touch with this person right away…. Or else what? What will happen if I just wait to answer? What would happen if instead I gave my attention to those who are right in front of me? -The ones looking at my face waiting for me to make eye contact with them. The ones who are wanting to know if they are more important than the machine in my hand.

According to Catherine Steiner-Adair, author of The Big Disconnect: Protecting Family and Childhood Relationships in the Digital Age– she says that I am not alone. “ Kids suffer as a result. After interviewing hundreds of kids and adults, I have found that what kids feel the most is sad, isolated and alone. They feel like it’s impossible to get their parents’ attention. Walking into a room to talk to a parent and being told brusquely “in a minute, hold on,” makes the kids feel deflated and bad about themselves.”

This breaks my heart. And it’s not just kids who are reaping the consequences. It’s relationships period! The husband and wife who sit next to each other and instead of looking at one another in conversation they are looking at the screen. The friend who is sharing something important while the one across the table is reminded to look at a picture or an email instead of being fully present. We cant even watch a movie all together without the majority of us looking up facts about the movie, where else did we see that actor, and when was this movie made all leading us back to our phone.

It has become a crutch to lean on when we find ourselves in awkward situations, when we find ourselves alone while waiting for someone to show up, when we are wanting the world to think that we have it all together when really we don’t. My husband just said the other day….. “Do we ever do anything anymore to just do them? Or are we living our lives to make for a good picture on our social media?”

In the film “The Secret Life of Walter Mitty” there is a scene where a photographer has traveled across the world to take a picture of a snow leopard that rarely makes an appearance. As he sits there gazing upon the animal as it emerges from the caves… he doesn’t take the picture. His friend asks if he plans to capture this moment and his response is so profound. He answers by saying there are moments so good he wants to remain in them fully present rather than interrupting it with a push of a button.

Our lives are filled with precious moments and we can certainly miss them.

In Deuteronomy 6:6-9 it says “ …. And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.”

Sounds like all the times we’re on our phone. Right? And yet its talking about verse 5- “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might.”

Phew.  The majority of my day is spent with my mind on the phone rather than on loving God with my whole heart.

Before you even read this post, I’m sure you were already aware of the digital problem we face. You know this, but have you done anything about it? Of course it isn’t realistic to throw away your phone or stop emailing and answering texts all together! I mean the phone allows me to see my husband when he’s gone.  The phone allows me to connect with people.  But we definitely can learn to manage better. This is about boundaries. This is about what our minds and hearts are constantly stayed on as we go about our day. We can learn to check our phones when we want, not when it wants. Set your boundaries, walk outside and be fully present where you are.

Identity, Judging, Relationships

Don’t Give the Mouse a Cookie

April 30, 2014

 

Do’s and Don’ts I have learned in the last month.

  • – Don’t form ” I hate so and so clubs.”  Even in your mind… look at everyone with an open heart.
  • – Do freak out if you see a mouse run across your kitchen floor like I just saw.  It’s ok to feel invaded by their little presence and you are allowed to have feelings of animosity towards them.  This mouse is not welcome here and we will be sure that his little friends get the message.
  • – Do stay present in the midst of conflict.  Sometimes marriage, friendships and other relationships just get hard.  Don’t run away from them…. fight to resolve it and your relationship will deepen.
  • – Don’t wear white while cooking spaghetti.  You more than likely will receive a beautiful orangish stain somewhere on your shirt that will leave you feeling frustrated and sad.
  • – Do color outside of the lines.  Sometimes we get so caught up in being perfect that we forget to allow ourselves to let go and let our creativity just flow.  I am reminded of this as I look at my daughter’s version of strawberry shortcake.  Lets just say her blue face and multicolored hair screams originality.
  • – Don’t always hold your feelings in.  If you’re upset, tell a friend.  If you’re sad, cry with someone.  If you’re mad, be real about it.  If you’re needing someone to rejoice with you, go find that someone and dance until you can’t feel your legs.
  • – Do paint your toes hot pink.  Sometimes a little color goes a long way.  And it’s spring for pete’s sake.
  • – Don’t hold grudges.  If your friend hurt you… tell her, forgive and move on.  (enter here the saying you have heard a million times- Life’s too Short!!!!)
  • – Do floss.  I’ve always been really bad about this.  But suddenly I have a fear of losing all of my teeth when I’m older.  Seriously, How horrible would that be??  Flossing it is… no matter how much I hate it.
  • – Don’t let the loss of your favorite sports team ruin your day.
  • – But… DO yell at the TV if they just aren’t playing like they should when they get paid millions of dollars to win.
  • – Don’t pet a lady bug… it ends up peeing on you.  You think I’m kidding… just try it.
  • – Do run in the rain.  It’s freeing, and invigorating, and childlike.
  • – Don’t watch Parenthood… you WILL cry!!
  • – Do watch Parenthood… you WILL cry!!
  • – Don’t go to Target expecting to walk out with just the one thing you went in for…. you always walk out with more.
  • – Do pray for someone right when they ask you to… out loud with them….because lets be honest, we say we will pray for them and a lot of times just forget.
  • – Don’t look at your phone more than looking into the face of someone else.
  • – Do look into the eyes of the person who is talking to you.
  • – Don’t look around the room to see who else is around while someone is talking to you.  It makes them feel unimportant and unloved.  Pay attention and show them that you care. That’s what you would want isn’t it?
  • – Do take spontaneous road trips with your favorite music and your favorite coffee.  Sometimes just a drive with fresh air and some good tunes is good for the soul.
  • – Don’t compare yourself to everyone else on instagram, Facebook and Pinterest.  You are lovely and you are worth more than what a picture says.
  • – Do call your grandparents.  If they are around they want to hear from you and they think about you probably more than you think about them.
  • – Don’t judge someone just because they do things differently than you.  Always seek to understand.
  • – Do think about others more than yourself.  Better yet find things to get involved in that keep you from thinking about yourself at all.
  • – Don’t always wear makeup.  Sometimes it’s nice to just be natural..
  • – Do force yourself to pray when you are feeling anxious.  You may not feel peace immediately… but it does come.

Do know that this life will hand you ups and it will hand you downs, but we are no longer defined by our successes or failures.

“And if you have not been enchanted by this adventure-your life-What would do for you?”

-M. Oliver

“There is a time to be born.  And there’s a time to die.  There is a time to plant.  And a time to pluck up what is planted.  A time to break down and a time to build up, a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance, a time to get and a time to lose, a time to keep and a time to cast away, a time to keep silence and a time to speak.” Ecc. 3

 

Forgiveness, God, Judging, Redemption, Relationships

Thoughts at a Funeral

February 12, 2014

It’s very rare that I find an urge to write.  It was on my way home from a funeral it happened, in the rain, in the car. The drive couldn’t seem to go fast enough for me to find myself here… writing my thoughts.  You ever notice how the thoughts come quickly when despair is knocking at your door or when joy is filling up every corner of your room?  I often find myself reflecting most when I whiteness a change in one’s life… a wedding, a funeral, the birth of new life…

In this case a death.

I thought about her as I sat there looking over the sea of black.  I took my seat in the last row, my heart heavy and my thoughts wondering.  I thought about how she woke up this morning and the ache that must have hit her in her chest as she had to force herself out of bed.  I thought about how she looked in the mirror and asked herself what she should wear to the funeral.  Her daughters funeral.   Something dark to represent the mourning she feels? Or something bright to bring about the celebration of knowing her sweet babe is in the arms of Jesus?  She chose bright… which in some way tells me that she has a spark of hope that still rests within her weary soul.  I sat there seeing just the very top of her head and began to feel the tears well up in my eyes.  How do you say goodbye to a precious baby?  How is she sitting there in front of all these people?  Is she wishing this would just be over with?  Is she glad we’re here or does she wish we would all just go away?  Oh how her heart must be feeling so many emotions all at once.

I looked out the window of the church and thought about how fitting it was that the skies were grey and the rain was falling heavy.  Almost resembling tears from Jesus’ eyes.  I thought about Him up there and how His heart must be feeling so much the same as hers.  How His heart is crying out in pain for her as he watches her below breaking and fighting to stay strong.  And yet at the same time rejoicing to have this little child in the very hands that had created her- looking up and smiling into His eyes.  So many feelings.  So so many feelings.

And somehow… these feelings brought us all together today.  Some people I recognized and some I had never seen before.  But we all had this common thread.  Her.  She is our friend, our daughter, our wife, our mother….  We all knew her and we all were there to support her.  This thought amazes me.  God created us so that even just our presence in a room can be a support to someone else.  Oh God you are good.  I may not have the right words to say or be able to carry her every time she falls. I may not be able to be a strong foundation for her when she is weak in her knees… I can’t be the perfect support beam or nail to keep everything together when its all in pieces… but through my friendship I can support.   He will be her foundation, He will be her nail, He will be her true support whenever she needs. “The Lord upholds all who are falling and raises up all who are bowed down.”- Psalm 145:14   I will be her friend.

I watch from the back as one by one each person hugs her on their way out.  Everyone so different.  Everyone with different stories to tell, different joys and heartaches they have felt themselves…

And then I see him.  This man who I have strongly disliked for years.  This man who hurt my other friend so deeply.  This man who I couldn’t really look in the eyes before.  But as I watched him hug her and the family.. something in me changed.  I didn’t know if it was the tone of the day, or the smoothie I had for breakfast .. .but just then I felt God say… you must forgive.  You must not let his past mistakes keep your thoughts towards evil.  For I can turn evil into good. Even here.  Even in these dreadful moments.

We are so different.. he and I.. but there was something the same.  We were both being supporters.  We were both being a friend to the same person.  I’m not called to know his motives or even to know his heart.  God knows.

And so, in that moment I watched him and I forgave him.  I buried my anger and my accusations at that funeral.  I buried my lack of faith that God could change someone at that funeral.  And I buried every right I thought I had to hate him in that funeral.

God saw me in the chair in the back row and called me to die.  1 Peter 2:24- ” He himself bore our sins in His body on the tree, that we might die to sin and live to righteousness.  By HIs wounds you have been healed.”  To die is gain.  It hurts a lot to die to ourselves.  It’s painful to let go of sins we hold onto sometimes.   Especially when we feel entitled to hate, entitled to be angry, entitled to think of ourselves better than someone else.  There’s even a comfort we find in our evil thoughts sometimes.  How twisted am I?   But when we surrender them over to death… we find that our hearts start to beat again in a new way.  We begin to see that we are no better than anyone else.  And it is only because God has had to forgive me over and over and over do I find that I can extend the same grace.

Her eyes were heavy and I cried as I held her.  His eyes were indifferent and I forgave him.  I turned my back to the sanctuary and walked away with so many feelings.  I walked away with the ache of a child gone yet the hope that she will be reunited with her lovely mom again.  I walked away with the ache of confession and yet the hope of redemption even in death.

A lot of times I find healing through joys and life.

But in this case it was death.

” In Him we have redemption through His blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God’s grace that He lavished on us.”- Ephesians 1

Oh God, come lavish your grace on me so that I may lavish your grace on others.

 

 

 

 

 

Faith, God, Relationships, Theology

Color Coded

January 22, 2014

As an adult, there are a lot of different things I think/feel/like/do that my younger self never would have thought to happen. Things like eating sushi and living in Tennessee and enjoying zombie themed TV shows. But I don’t think any of those things surprised me as much as the fact that I am in an interracial marriage.

If you had told me ten years ago that my husband would be a studly Korean fellow, I would have laughed in your face. More accurately, I would have said something to the affect of, “I don’t date Asian guys.” But here I sit, almost five years married to the most amazing man…and he is Asian. Who would’ve thunk.

Society, culture, media, the church, and even at times the people in our own family will with good intention impart their worldview upon us. Not always are they right, or even biblically sound. It’s our job to run to Jesus and His words, seeking the truth for ourselves.

I wasn’t always in agreement with interracial dating and marriage. The area in which I grew up, my church, and a little in my own family, I was unintentionally displayed the idea that dating outside my race was not necessarily wrong, but not necessarily accepted either.

I spent years under the misguided notion that dating someone who was not “white” wouldn’t be ok, but I never knew why. I could have left it there, but I chose to question. I chose to ask the why and then go to the only place that I felt could give me truth. Here’s what I learned.

Throughout the old testament, various scriptures point to the fact that one tribe should not marry someone from another specific tribe. (Example: Deuteronomy 7:3-4) Critics stating that interracial dating and marriage is wrong will use this to argue that God is against it. And if we look at just that verse, they’d be right.

The beauty of the gospel girls is that each word, sentence and phrase hold a purpose and weight. It flows beautifully into the next, all working together to tell the love story of Christ. In this case, the verses surrounding the scripture will tell us that the opposition to marrying outside the tribe had nothing to do with skin color, but with religious practice. These tribes did not follow God, and to be matched with them would be devastating to the tribes who were following God. Because of this, God commanded they not marry, not out of preferring one group over the other, but out of love and concern for the hearts of his children.

In truth, there is only one place specifically written out in scripture where there’s a distinct guideline given on restrictions in dating and marriage. This is 2 Corinthians 6:14 which speaks on how a Christ-follower should not be with a non-Christ follower. Of course, that is a post in and of itself, and one for a later time. 😉

James 2:1-10 reminds us that God holds no partiality for one person or people group over the other and neither should we. His priority for who he loves most to least is not color coded. His love extends and exceeds to every tongue nation and tribe. Take into consideration many heroes of our Bible. Moses, Ruth, Rahab, Esther….all people praised for their obedience to Christ and love for Him. Each married to someone not of their race or tribe.

I thank God that He loves me for me and not because I’m white. I’m thankful that I understood that those I love and the world around me are people flawed like myself, capable of getting it wrong. And I’m thankful that in spite of all our shortcomings, Jesus pours out His grace and still gave us His word as a solid rock- a place to see His heart for what it truly is.

His heart is good. His heart is loving. His heart, it sees no color other than the crimson stain of His blood that has washed over us, covering every prejudice and criticism until we have been wiped clean and are pure once again. That should be the only color we worry about.