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Faith, Forgiveness, Relationships, Spiritual Life

She Loved Much!

July 29, 2015

Continuing to share BIG news with you about A Girl Like Me!! I am super excited, humbled, and a little nervous for this responsibility and PRIVILEGE to walk along side of you girls even more deeply! THANK YOU for loving us, all of the AGLM writers, so well and encouraging us to continue in ministry!!!

Would love to hear from you! and again sorry about the lack of video quality and that I retreated in my bedroom to make this… you will find out why :-)

– Allison

Relationships

Quality vs. Quantity

July 8, 2015

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You know the phrase, “quality over quantity”?  I had heard it many times, but over the past several years it’s been something I have thought over, prayed over, even cried over when connecting that phrase to relationships.  I’ve had a lot of lonely seasons in life, and I am sure I will have many more to come (having a husband does not mean you will never be lonely FYI).  As I’ve walked through these lonely seasons I have found that the value of “that” friend….you know the one…the one that texts you to check on you and invites you into their home and makes you a cup of coffee and seems to ignore the hot mess that you are and instead looks straight into your heart? The friend who can read you so well they know by your countenance not to ask you how you are in a public place because they know you hate crying in public. Instead they give you a quick hug and distract you with a silly youtube video. That friend feels rare.  I can be around tons of people and be struggling with something in life or in my heart and it pushes me closer and closer to the lonely pit’s edge. The more quantity there is the more exhausted I seem to be and the more unknown I become. It’s when I step out of the picture for a moment and ask myself who I could go to in an emergency, who I could go to and just be fully me for a moment…and I realize it’s a very tiny handful….but that tiny handful fills that lonely void in such a great way….it’s those friends who you may not even see for months on end, yet one encouraging text leaves you feeling like a little bit of you has been revived, you’ve taken a step back from lonely’s edge, and you start to understand this quality vs. quantity thing.

I’ve also discovered that you may be that friend for someone else and they may not be it for you…just like someone may be that friend to you and you may not fill that role for them….and that’s ok. You begin to learn where you put your heart and energy. You begin to learn that you may have a circle of “hang out in big groups” friends, a smaller circle of “pretty close, but slightly wishy washy” friends, the friends that feel more connection from you than you do from them, and then those other ones, the ones that are there to stick through the good, the bad, and the ugly.

I’ve personally struggled most with those “I’m a friend to them but they’re not really a friend to me” friends. I’m a deep feeler. I’m either in or I’m out.  It has taken  is taking a lot of practice to lower expectations and see some friends as people I don’t expect reciprocation from, but that I am still a friend too. And it’s taking even MORE practice and self-reflecting to know when to step back and release a friendship. Girl’s, some friends can be life sucking. Sometimes WE can be life sucking. Sometimes we allow friends to be life sucking because we have unrealistic expectations for that friend.  As you, we, I grow and mold through the seasons God leads us through it’s important that we take time to asses these relationships. We are created for community, therefore introverted, extroverted, or the in-between….there is a longing for community, friendship, relationship. The relationships that come and go in life can either build us up or tear us down and it’s your/my responsibility to assess where we are. Is this a relationship that is difficult but challenging you to grow? Is it a relationship that leaves you anxious and exhausted every time you hang out? Is it a relationship where you could say you know as much about that person as they know about you? Is it a relationship that is unafraid to dig deep and approach the hard questions…always willing to end in respect and love for each other even in disagreements?

No one can make the decisions for you about your friendships, but as hard as it may be I would challenge you as you are facing new seasons to assess your relationships. It may be time to step away. And sometimes those stepped away from relationships are just for a season…while you both grow in new ways and they will be redeemed in a later season. Maybe it’s a relationship that you have been putting a wall up against, because it would mean really getting vulnerable and being intentional through some hard times. Remember quality vs. quantity? Is it bringing quality to your life even if it’s just you being a friend without reciprocation? Is it bringing quality though challenges and pushing you to be a better you? Is it quality because you feel refreshed and at home with that person?

And THEN there are the other hard questions. What kind of quality are you bringing to your friends? If you are leaving frustrated and drained after every meeting, you most likely aren’t giving the best that they need either….that or they won’t appreciate your best and that energy could be spent on a friend who is longing for that intentionality.    I have had some friends who I am completely exhausted by, feel unappreciated, abused, and only brought out when their other cooler friends aren’t available. I’ve been that friend that will listen to the venting sessions and gets texts through the night…but then won’t get acknowledged in public or even asked if I’m ok when I’m crying. Girls, I cannot lie….it hurts. But it hurts a little less after spending years learning that those friends only get so much of my heart. They only get so long with me before it is time to pour my heart into someone who needs and wants it more. Because they aren’t benefitting from the relationships just as much as you aren’t.

Girls, we are meant to live life and live it abundantly.  There are going to be a lot of times in our life that just don’t make sense. And it’s in those times that you want to know that your tiny ounces of energy are not just thrown to the wayside, but treasured. That even if things are not reciprocated, they are needed and received. You need to know that even in those lonely dark moments, while you may not have a lot of people to surround yourself with…you have even just one person who could understand or encourage…even if it’s not available everyday. No amount of people can fill the empty space and voids. Take it from someone who has cried tears over dozens of people…someone who has felt so guilty about letting go of a relationship because surely it isn’t the Christian thing to do, that it suffocated key parts of who God created me to be. Just as seasons come and go….some friends are only meant for seasons. Some may come back in and some may only be a memory in your story. All play a part in life lessons, growth, challenges, and building your story. But not all must remain throughout the next chapters. Some NEED to remain. Some NEED to be fought for. Some may go through the eb and flow of you carrying the weight for a season and then them carrying the weight for a season.

Many of you girls asked for more conversations on relationship. I could write a book on what I have learned about friendship in my life. The joys, triumphs, humble moments, pain, and tears. I could write about friendships redeemed after years had passed, and friendships that were so unhealthy they were being used to destroy me and distract me from moving forward. And I still find myself baffled and confused by this crazy thing we all long for…Friendship. Spend some time this summer reflecting on who you surround yourself with. Who is getting those precious pieces of your time, life, and heart.

Faith, God, Relationships, Spiritual Life, Suffering

On Seeking More Than A Cure

July 1, 2015

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I grew up knowing we would go two places religiously.
Church and Church Camp.
They were my places, they were filled with my people.

Church was where I was baptized and Church Camp where I recommitted my life… every. single. summer.  The two places are so intertwined in my memory I cannot think of one without remembering the other.

No matter where we moved, Fairview was home and Wesley Woods our home in the woods.  I was my most brave self in these places; my most vulnerable and innocent, most trusting and free spirited.

Church and Church Camp were also two places I was most deeply hurt.

Church Camp was the thing that made me the topic of a mean girl’s xanga post in sixth grade.
Church Camp was the place I was told someone had “run out of grace” for another.
Church was where I was told to, “get the hell out of my pew.”
Church was where I shared that her placenta had maybe torn and it was whispered in my ear, “perhaps it’s for the best.”

And of course it wasn’t The Church or The Church Camp who hurt me- but in the same way the smell of chlorine makes me think of Thanksgiving, or a single line in a song makes me twenty-one again… the hurts and the memories and the people and the places are all tangled up together in this mess of emotion.

I don’t think it’s a surprise or coincidence or even that poetic to be deeply hurt in places where I once felt most at home.  I don’t think it’s a mistake or incredibly unjust.*

I think this world is fallen and we are broken.
I think this in not our Eden.
I think the places our hearts are most vulnerable are the places at most risk of being deeply hardened.
And more than that- I believe we are a culture more concerned with finding a cure for our hurts than healing from them.

Today, and every day, you have permission
to not be tough.
to cry if you need.
to question and doubt and be confused.
to have an extra cup of coffee and sit with Jesus.
to seek more than just a cure.

There is grace enough for your hurts at the cross.
And there is grace enough here for you!

Healing will look different for each of us, and it will take a different amount of time, but the same Christ.  I love you girls, and so wish I could sit with you through the hurt and heartaches.  I wish relationships were easier and childhood memories were always innocent.  But I pray healing will come so fully and so deeply that you will be even more yourself at the end of this journey than you are today.  I pray for peace and courage that surpasses all understanding to surround you today.  I pray your own Church and Church Camp places will be restored.

“I suppose that since most of our hurts come through relationships so will our healing, and I know that grace rarely makes sense for those looking in from the outside.” ― Wm. Paul Young

*note:: if you are being abused or neglected, physically, sexually, emotionally, or otherwise- please seek immediate help and shelter from someone you can trust.  this post was written from the perspective of hurt feelings, mean girls, and people who just say the wrong things sometimes.  YOU ARE NOT ALONE

Faith, Family, God, Relationships

Bear the Armor

June 17, 2015

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YO GIRLS!

Happy Summer to you! Every Wednesday morning, it is a rush for me to think about you ladies who are reading the newest post with anticipation—for us to get to know each other better, for a refuge from the craziness of the day, for hopefully getting one more glimpse of the mighty, beautiful God we serve.

Lately, we’ve been focusing on who we are as individuals- the characteristics and qualities that God has given us. On learning how to use what we’ve been given for the kingdom of God, how to embrace our quirks, how to answer the question “Who Am I?” honestly. And I don’t know about you, but if I spend too much time in my own head, I go crazy with the future and tend to forget the now.

 I am obsessed with knowing the next thing. Graduation. Marriage. Job.

But what about when we have no idea? What about when a season of life is coming to a close and we’re stuck with a big fat question mark? When we know Jesus is an extraordinary Savior and we have nothing to worry about but we still want to know.

Dear friend, if you’re there, I’m standing right there with you.

I’ve recently stepped out of a busy season doing my own thing into one of assisting the people I’m surrounded by. I am a helper. I am a supporter.

 

Maybe in the tension of wanting to know what God is “going to do with our lives” we should just look outward. In Matthew 22, Jesus is asked what the greatest commandment of all is, and He says, “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’”

Love God, love people.

 

So I’m starting a social experiment on myself and you are more than welcome to join me.

I want to be an armor-bearer.

No, I’m not enlisting in the military.

1 Samuel 14 is a prime example.

Read it if you have a minute.

Imagine this:

Once upon a time, highly regarded military men would have the weight of the army on their shoulders. It was their responsibility to make decisions, take care of the troop, and protect the camp. They casted vision for their team. By being in the military in the first place, you are expected to respect, honor, and follow the leaders of the army. So every major had one man. One armor-bearer. Someone they trusted with their lives to walk and fight alongside them. While the major may have two spears in his hands, he was defenseless. The armor bearer would be the one holding a shield- being their rear guard, their front guard, all the while fighting with their soldier.

 

So this concept is figurative in many ways for us ladies, but listen,

Imagine living in the woods far from home.

Since you are an armor bearer, their schedule becomes yours.

You strap on heavy protective gear and carry the weight with joy.

When your camp is attacked, you go with your friend into the fight.

Being attentive to all sides, you encourage them to persevere.

It’s the hardest thing you’ve ever done, but it’s the tightest relationship you have now.

 

So when I get stuck in my own head about my future, my dream, my goals, the “what is God going to do with my life?”, I remember my duty and serious honor of being an armor bearer for the people God has given me to live alongside.

In 1 Samuel 14, God tells Jonathan to approach the enemy camp because He will deliver them into His hands. Jonathan tells his armor-bearer the plan and without hesitation, he gets up to follow Jonathan and says, “Go ahead; I am with you heart and soul.” There is great trust there.

Being an armor-bearer means taking risks for people. I pray that I would be useful to God in other people’s lives because of this thought.

 

I want to be my husband’s armor bearer to lift Him up.

I want to be my friend’s armor-bearer, to be her loyal confidant and to lovingly walk alongside her in her engagement.

I want to be my mom’s armor-bearer, to remind her of the grace God has given her for today and that what might seem like loss and distance may turn into greater growth in our family.

I want to be my future boss’ armor-bearer to encourage them in integrity.

I want to be my 87 year-old neighbor’s armor-bearer, to be her companion when she has few and to make sure she knows she is still a blessing to others.

This is not a burden, it is a great joy.

 

So when I ask, “What can I do for them?” God gives me room to learn more about His heart of service, which is eternally valuable.

You know the over-your-shoulder, breathing-down-your-neck, how-can-I-focus-at-all person who can’t leave you alone long enough to finish something you’ve already started? Sometimes I get a sense that I am that way with what God is doing.

So let’s spend our time being thankful for Him and not just what He gives us.

Let’s spend our time standing for the people in our lives, the easy-to-love and not-so-easy-to-love, bearing their armor.

And when we give of ourselves, may we see more clearly

 

Great is Thy faithfulness

Great is Thy faithfulness

Morning by morning new mercies I see

All I have needed Thy hand hath provided

Great is Thy faithfulness, Lord, unto me

 

 

 

 

 

 

Faith, God, Relationships

The Waiting

May 20, 2015

kels (147 of 165)It’s time for a good ol’ girl-talk confession: I have never done relationships right. To the point where they’ve mostly all just been “flirtationships” that never became real relationships. I was always the go-getter, the chaser, the pursuer, the queen of DTR, being the first to ask the question of “where is this going” after just a couple weeks.

I probably came off pretty desperate. And maybe I was.

After watching guy after guy pull away after only just starting to get to know me, you can imagine how unwanted I felt. I thought something was wrong with me. And over the course of the next couple years I found out there was.

It wasn’t that I wasn’t pretty enough or smart enough or funny enough…too tall, too loud, too dramatic. I wasn’t “too much” or “not enough”.

The problem was my impatience.

My thought process went something like this:

I see boy.
I like boy.
Boy has texted me for 3 days.
Boy must like me.
“Boy, do you like me?”
“I just want to be friends.”
*Crushed*

Oy. If I could just go back and talk to me then…

So you get the picture. You could have handed me a “Relationships for Dummies” book and I STILL would have messed it up. Because I wanted what (in my exaggerated view) everyone around me had. And I wasn’t about to wait for a guy to make up his mind and pursue me. I wanted to skip the whole process and get to the part where we were hand in hand, making plans.

It took a couple years for me to really understand all of this, to cut the guy-chasing nonsense, and to put all my energy into chasing the One whose feelings and intentions I never had to question. Once that relationship became enough for me and I’d stopped scanning every crowd for my future husband…a really great guy unexpectedly stepped into my life.

As I got to know him and things gradually progressed between us, I did everything differently. He was the first guy I ever allowed to pursue me. I resisted being the initiator and waited for him to make each move. And though it ultimately didn’t last, for the first time I got a glimpse first hand of what a Godly relationship is supposed to look like – what my role is, what a guy’s role is. And for a while, I was thankful just to have learned that, in that way, in that season.

But unfortunately that wore off a little too quickly.

Don’t get me wrong, I am still thankful. But now I’m back to the waiting. Oh, the dreaded waiting…

I always wanted to be married in my early twenties. At 19 I thought I had plenty of time, but the second I hit 20, I felt like the clock started ticking. Now I’m 22, everyone around me is dating, engaged, married…and here I am. Single. And I feel like I’m WAY behind.

I feel like God has given me a love for a man I’ve never met and this strong desire for marriage…but my life is one big “not yet.”

So often lately I’ve found myself wondering if God’s holding out on me. Have you ever felt that? I mean, He already knows where my future husband is. He has the power to bring us together and free me from the torture (or so it sometimes seems) of waiting! So why doesn’t He? Where’s my Prince Charming? My knight in shining armor? When do I finally get my fairytale?

At times I’ve even found myself back in a place where I believe there’s something wrong with me. Maybe I’m not growing enough, not praying enough, not close enough to God…maybe I’m too insecure, too unsatisfied with the Lord alone, too desperate for a worldly fulfillment. Maybe I have to fix and change all of these things in order to prove to God that I’m ready. Maybe that quick, teasing glimpse I had of a relationship was Him rewarding me for good behavior or something…and then I must have done something to mess it up.

Or maybe none of this is in my control.

Maybe, just maybe, the lesson is in the waiting.

Sure, there are without a doubt areas of my life God is still working on to prepare me for a future relationship, to mold me into the friend/girlfriend/fiancé/wife I will someday need to be.

But to get there, I have to wait. I have to rest in knowing that there’s a reason for the journey, a purpose behind the whole process. If we got everything we wanted when we wanted it, what would we ever hope for or trust God for?

I know this has all been mainly geared towards my fellow single ladies (“now put your hands up!”) given that that’s the season of life I’m currently walking and speaking from. But no matter what season you’re in, there is always impatience and always something you’re waiting for. So, my sweet friends, wherever you sit as you read this today – whether you’re waiting on a cup of coffee, a miracle, or your Prince Charming – remember this:

Hopes are high.
Dreams are overwhelming.
Desires are strong.
And patience is hard.

But the Lord is working in those lulls.
And there is joy to be found in the waiting.

Faith, Fear, God, Identity, Redemption, Relationships, Spiritual Life

Remain

February 25, 2015

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“Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. 
And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity. Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful. Let the message of Christ dwell among you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom through psalms, hymns, and songs from the Spirit, singing to God with gratitude in your hearts. And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.” Colossians 3:12-17

On January 31st, as those words covered the gathering, my heart grew and my life changed. Brendon and I stood at the altar, surrounded by the dense tropical forest of south Florida and more love than I have ever felt in my life.

Everything is new. My last name. My official state of residence. My college degree. 2014 was a year of discovery in my life and God began clarifying my dreams for His purpose. Since we all rang in the New Year with sparkly dresses and noisemakers, or for me, my parents and their friends eating chocolate cake and playing ping pong, life has been a flash mob of wedding planning, marriage, settling our home, and living on a tour bus.

So much change. GOOD change! And in all of this movin’ and shakin’ I realize that there is one single thing in life that is constant. And that is the truth of the gospel of Jesus.

God remains. That’s it. He is steady. He is faithful.

 

“…as surely as the sun rises, He will appear…” hosea 6.3

 

To the ladies of A Girl Like Me,

The six of us writers are for you. We are for you because God is for you.

We want to challenge you and walk with you in life.

He cares about you deeply—deeper than what we can possibly know.

In times of distress and in times of joy, admit it!

Let your community bear burdens alongside you and celebrate with you.

God remains in every instant of our lives,

in every country of our world,

in every cry of our souls,

in every promise that He has said.

Rest in His faithfulness today.

 

Choose to speak life.

Choose to be encouraging in a society of criticism.

Choose to reject hate and replace it with compassion.

 

May we be a group of women- quick to run to Jesus, ready to obey God, sensitive to the Spirit working in this ministry, confessing our dirt and sharing our joys, embracing the growing pains and always armed with the Truth of the gospel of Christ.

Whatever changes you are facing, whether it be moving to a new place, switching schools, stepping into a new season of any kind, may you face that new season of life with such grace. Grace that Jesus laid down His life for.

So here I sit, in the back of a tour bus somewhere in north Florida, feeling like a baby calf that was just born- covered in goo and awkwardly wobbling around on my new blogging-legs. Honestly, I just want to write something that will stick with you.

And all I can think of is a Snowy Owl. Snowy Owl parents fiercely protect their young. They know their babies weaknesses and defend their nest. They perch on the highest branch of the tree to look out over the community seeking to provide adequate food. Instinctually, they adapt to change in the climate. They know when their babies are ready to fledge… to fly out of the nest for the first time. To courageously start the next part of their story.

Isn’t that like God?

To protect us and love us in our weaknesses.

To provide for us and prepare us for change.

To be ever-present and all-knowing.

To be our guardian as we face new beginnings.

And remain with us through all time.

 

“…the Lord will fight for you. you need only to be still…” exodus 14.14

 

May we all be fledglings.

Ready for what is to come.

Consumed by His love.

With faith to fly.

 

 Here are a few lyrics to the song “I Will Follow” by Vertical Church Band:

When the sea is calm and all is right // When I feel Your favor flood my life

Even in the good, I’ll follow You

When the boat is tossed upon the waves // When I wonder if You’ll keep me safe

Even in the storms, I’ll follow You

I believe everything that You say You are // I believe that I have seen Your unchanging heart

In the good things and in the hardest part // I believe and I will follow You

God, Identity, Judging, Relationships

Judging Stephanie

August 13, 2014

Back in the day I used to know this girl named- well lets just say Stephanie.  Stephanie lived in my neighborhood.  There was a group of us that would always hang out and  Stephanie wasn’t one of them.  She was different.  She wore really short shorts and cropped tops usually showing most of her bra.  Her long blond hair was always hanging down the middle of her back and her face was hidden somewhere beneath all of the makeup.  I remember my friends and I would talk about her a lot.  Things usually like- “I can’t believe she is wearing that.  Who does she think she is?  I can’t believe she smokes…. that’s so wrong.  She’s really bad and we shouldn’t be associated with her.  So glad we’re not like her.”  Words like these were exchanged for a whole year between me and my friends.  But one day we stopped seeing her around.  We didn’t think much of it until we met another girl who used to be friends with her who told us what happened to her.  Stephanie had moved away because she was a foster kid.  Apparently she would stay with a family until they got sick of her and then she would be shipped off to live with someone else.  Most of her life she felt unwanted.  When I heard this I remember feeling sick to my stomach.  Here I was judging her without knowing anything about her.  Without knowing her at all.

“Judging others is a blindfold.  Judging others is a blindfold that blinds us to our own grime and blinds us to the GRACE which others are as eligible and entitled to as we are.” – Voskamp

 Everyone has traveled their own road.  Everyone has a story to tell, pain they have had to suffer, and life experiences that has shaped them one way or another.

Matthew 7:1-5- ” Do not judge, or you too will be judged.  For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.  Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your (sister’s) eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?  How can you say to your (sister) Let me take the speck out of your eye, when all the time there is a plank in your own eye?  You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your (sister’s) eye.”

Phew!  Girls!  Where is your heart?  Is there someone that you may be presuming assumptions upon because of the way they look, because of their attitude towards you, because of the choices they have made and all of the outward things your eyes may see??  Ask yourself do you know their story?   Do you know them at all?  Or are you just sizing them up to be the very thing you want them to be in order to make yourself feel better about yourself? Have you looked at your own heart lately?

 “Do you hold other people to a standard of perfection instead of letting them all be held in the arms of grace?”- Voskamp

Oh sweet grace.  We can rejoice because we are covered by GRACE!!  We can rejoice because they too are covered by GRACE!!  I am dancing and singing with my arms outstretched because of who I am in Christ!  The more I believe in His love for me the more I am able to love everyone else regardless of who they are or who they seem to be.  We are called to love and we are ALL entitled to grace.

And then there are those of you who find yourself on the other side of it.  You feel alone and isolated because you have been accused of being a certain way.  Or other girls have their opinion about you because they are only looking at your outward appearance and not taking the time to really get to know your heart.  Maybe you’re the one who has had to travel a dirty road leading you to a pain so deep that the only thing you know to do is to inflict pain onto others.  Maybe you’re hurting others because you yourself are hurting.

There is hope for you dear friend.  “The Lord does not look at the things man looks at.  Man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.”- 1 Samuel 16:7

The Lord sees your whole story and sees the very depths of your heart.  He is lifting up your head, staring into your eyes and carrying through the weight of each day.  You are not what everyone else says of you… you belong to Jesus and He says that you are His child!  You are His friend. – John 15:15  You are justified and redeemed. Rom. 3:24  You are a fellow heir with Christ.  Rom 8:17  You are a temple of the Holy Spirit. 1 Cor. 9:19  You are joined to the Lord and are one spirit with Him.  1 Cor. 6:17  You are a new creation  2 Cor. 5:17  The list goes on and on.  Who cares what others say about you… who does Jesus say you are?  The one who knows everything about you actually calls you one with Himself!  Hold on to this truth and be careful to not find yourself judging those who judge you.

In whichever situation you find yourself in, go to Jesus.  May he open our hearts to our own sin and dig out the filth that has been piling up needing to be plucked out.  I pray that pride will fall and shame will be thrown to the ground.  I pray our eyes be taken off of ourselves all together and placed on the cross. I pray we live each day with kindness on our lips uplifting one another, encouraging one another and loving each other because we have been given kindness and love when we do not deserve it ourselves.  May we not find ourselves assuming the worst in someone but may we find ourselves always seeking to understand.  “Set a guard over my mouth, O Lord: keep watch over the door of my lips.  Let not my heart be drawn to what is evil….” Psalm 141:3-4

I wish I could go back to that little neighborhood where all my time was wrapped around my friends like my feathered bangs wrapped around my head, and Stephanie sitting on her front porch with a cigarette between her fingers.  I would do things a little differently.  My hope is that I would walk up to her and say hi.  I would tell her my name.  I would sit down next to her and maybe ask her questions about herself.  I would try to get to know her.  I may even risk being associated with her.  After all- Jesus was associated with sinners.  The tax collectors, the drunks, the prostitutes……hmmmmm….. even me.

I was no better than Stephanie.  I am no better than you.  We are all just children in need of Jesus.

“When this life ends we will all see each other for what we really are.  There will be surprises.  One of those surprises will surely be how ill-willed our judgements were.  Another will be how much suffering we caused others through wrongly judging them.  Yet another will be how often we were guilty of the very thing we judged another for”. – Anonymous

Faith, God, Identity, Redemption, Relationships, Spiritual Life, Suffering

Hey There Lonely Girl

July 9, 2014

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Hey There Lonely Girl,

On some park bench in the middle of the day, there you sit. You see everything and everyone around you, and you wonder, do they see you back. These vacant benches and quiet spaces have become like an old comfy shirt to your weary and broken soul.

For to be seen, is to be known. 

Sitting in secluded corners sipping coffee, you look like you’re waiting for a friend to arrive, but you know that’s not the case. You seem confident in the loneliness, almost as though you prefer the solace. No one can see, however,  that silently your heart is screaming for someone, anyone to notice you. To come into your pain. To make you…not so lonely.
Coffee Shop Girl

Fear of your destiny to forever be abandoned, excluded, denied, rejected, and forgotten sweep over your already tired soul and you just cant imagine how this life could ever bring you joy again. You will forever be alone.

Darkness has a way of captivating our spirit. Consuming us thick and tricking us into believing that dawn will never come, only night. Only the emptiness.

But hear me when I say this, Lonely Girl- light HAS come. He has come. He has seen those spaces and places you keep hidden from the world. The things that trap you in your loneliness. He knows the thoughts and regrets that plague you in the night when you feel the most alone. He knows it all.

And the moments when your heart’s mouth cries out to be known, to be loved, to be seen, He is right there, looking right at you….and loving you.

The world will always lie to you. It will tell you that you were a mistake, too screwed up to ever be fixed; destined for solitude. But He who is named TRUTH says otherwise.

He has said that you are more precious than rubies. He has said that you are so worth loving, that life itself is not too great a sacrifice for you. He has said he would never leave you or abandon you. To Him your name is not Lonely. To Him, your name is

Holy, Righteous, & Redeemed

He is for you. I am for you. And a chord of three strands cannot be broken.

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So hold hands with me as we hold onto to Him and together we will see just how abundant this life can be.

“For Greater is He that is in me, than he that is in the world.”