I have to admit, I’m tired. For those who aren’t aware, I recently moved, spent a month on the road and am currently trying to grow a little human inside of me. These three things plus a crazy almost two year old will send even the strongest of women into a fit of insanity. So in all honesty, the last thing I want to be doing right now is sitting in front of a screen, typing away my feelings to you all. It just feels…exhausting.
I’m learning that in these times in my life….when I’m most exhausted and weary…I don’t really like myself much. I tend to be short tempered, negative, unkind, and a down-right grump. I struggle to see the beauty in the moment and cherish those sweet blessings The Lord gives me, even if they are small. Really, I sometimes don’t even resemble someone who looks like a child of Christ at all. The worst part of it all, I often don’t even care.
And then I am reminded of one simple verse. 2 Corinthians 12:9, “But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Ahhh. (deep soothing breath) HIS grace is sufficient for ME. You see, I already struggle in life to be gracious towards others, but more than them, I am extremely stingy in extending grace to myself. When I fail, I look at myself as though I am the lowest of low, so deserving of this poor attitude that I am feeling. I struggle to want to wake up and seek hope because I know I will just get tired and weary again, destined to fall and disappoint Christ once more. BUT…
His grace is sufficient for me. So when I yell at my son out of frustration and exhaustion, when I am disrespectful to my husband, short tempered with a friend and uncaring towards a stranger…His grace covers me. And by covering me, he is renewing me. Reminding me yet again of how much I need him and how there is no depth of weary or lowliness that I can go that his grace is unable to reach me. And because of this knowledge, I can find the hope to move through these times of feeling worn and beaten down knowing that as I clumsily stumble my way through it, His grace is holding me up, pushing me towards his face and to a greater understanding of his love for me.
So tonight, tonight I rest with peace in my heart. Peace in knowing there is grace for the weary and new beginnings each morning. For that, I can find joy.