March 15, 2013 by A Girl Like Me
After reading many of your comments, I felt the need to address a few things. I feel there are a few things that may bring encouragement to the way you view yourself and the way you view your future in regards to marriage. It breaks my heart to see where some of you have been, where some of you are standing now, and where some of you see only certain outcomes that you feel you may or may not deserve.
I would first like to address sex before marriage not as another post, but as a point to entitlement. God calls us to “save ourselves” for the person we marry and to not get involved physically with another man before so. It is something precious, sacred, and a seal for the covenant of marriage. I believe that God asks us to wait for our benefit. Not to keep us from something amazing, but to keep us from heartache and pain. So, I would first like to address those who have done this and who have remained pure for the sake of the covenant. You may feel entitled to finding someone who has done the same, am I right? In your mind you may come to expect and think that you deserve someone who has saved himself for you. However, this is wrong. Now hear me out, it is not wrong to desire that. Of course you would want someone who has saved themselves for you physically and has saved their body only for you! Of course! I think that is good and I think that is ultimately what God wants. However, when we come to find ourselves not just desiring, but deserving and feeling entitled to such a thing then that’s where the rub begins. It is only by the grace of God that you have not found yourself giving into sexual sin. We are all sinners. We all make mistakes. And any good that we do and any obedience that we have done is by God’s grace and mercy. Therefore we deserve nothing and we are entitled to nothing. God told Hosea to marry a prostitute. Do you think that’s what Hosea desired? Heck no. But it was through their relationship that God showed His redemption and mercy. We are called to forgive. We are called to love. And we are called to humble ourselves with gratitude that God has protected you from falling into sexual immorality before marriage. It is by God’s grace alone.
Now to those of you who have already given in to sexual sin. It is not too late. You have not ruined your chances to marry a godly man who honors and lives for the Lord. You can repent and in all honesty your slate will be wiped clean. No speck of it anywhere in your record. And there is the beautiful thing about forgiveness, those who have been forgiven much, love much. There are amazing men out there who will look at you only as God looks at you! Clean. No blemish. A bride to be won. Run to the feet of Jesus. I have a dear dear friend who gave herself to a man before she was married. Through growing in her relationship with the Lord she found that what she had been doing was wrong. Through tears of remorse she fell to the feet of Jesus and repented only to find that she was forgiven immensely. She was made new. A few years later she met the man she was going to marry. He was the worship pastor at his church, good looking, God honoring, amazing man full of life. She felt like she didn’t deserve him. But when he had heard of her past and saw the woman she was now, he wept with her and forgave her and gladly with all his heart married her. Sex under the covenant was as if it was the first time. He loved her like Christ loved the church. And you can experience that as well. So I urge you, instead of feeling sorry for yourself, instead of wallowing in shame and despair, look to God, see His forgiveness, and believe that He makes you new. A godly marriage is possible for you because of the amazing love and grace of Him who loves you most.
I would also like to address those who have been hurt by parents who have gotten divorced and have found themselves doubting marriage and doubting commitment. I know that some of you have been in a battle your whole life. A battle where you watch those who raise you fight, yell, hurt each other, ignore each other, and take it out on other people, maybe even yourself. I know that it is possible for you to have a long line of divorces within your family and you think that it’s inevitable that the same will happen to you. I have news for you!! It DOESN’T HAVE TO BE THAT WAY FOR YOU!!!!! I don’t know the reasons for your parent’s marriage or other’s marriages falling apart. Some may think they have good reasons, most likely it was all selfish reasons. But, do you trust in your circumstances to dictate the rest of your life? Or do you trust in the Almighty God who created us humans to dictate the rest of your life?? Do you place your future in the palm of your parent’s hands? Or do you place your future in the palm of God’s hands and trust that He loves you, He cares about your life, He cares about your marriage and He is a God of miracles who can save any marriage?? There is far less divorce in marriages that contain two individuals who don’t live together before they’re married and both love God and live a life reflecting Him. If you both are God fearing people, than no matter what challenges you face, no matter what heartaches lurk, you can overcome them because you have a God who moves hearts even when you can’t. You can’t control what your husband will do, but God can. And if He loves God… then don’t you think God will give him wisdom on how to best serve you and love you? And vice versa. I know it can be scary to step into something you have only seen fall apart. But I ask you to find marriages that have lasted. Find other people you have seen make it work, and dwell on those. I ask you to look into the Bible and find what God has to say about it. And I promise you, it’s a beautiful thing.
I pray that as you begin to pray about your future spouse (because it’s a good thing to do) that you would not feel as though you deserve any specific thing or are entitled to any certain type of person. But that you would lay your desires at His feet and be open to what God has in store. I pray that you find just how much you are forgiven and live accordingly. I pray that you would see all that God has done for you and trust that He is working within you, making you new, and preparing you for a beautiful adventure around the bend. I pray that you would be grateful; that you would live full of life, without shame, and with excitement in your heart for the beauty He has made you to be. I pray that your heart would be bent towards our Savior and not focused on the what ifs. Remember just how much you are loved in spite of your mistakes and walk with hope in the God who loves you.