By God’s Grace

15

March 15, 2013 by agirlikemee

After reading many of your comments, I felt the need to address a few things.  I feel there are a few things that may bring encouragement to the way you view yourself and the way you view your future in regards to marriage.  It breaks my heart to see where some of you have been, where some of you are standing now, and where some of you see only certain outcomes that you feel you may or may not deserve.

I would first like to address sex before marriage not as another post, but as a point to entitlement.  God calls us to “save ourselves” for the person we marry and to not get involved physically with another man before so.  It is something precious, sacred, and a seal for the covenant of marriage.  I believe that God asks us to wait for our benefit.  Not to keep us from something amazing, but to keep us from heartache and pain.   So, I would first like to address those who have done this and who have remained pure for the sake of the covenant.  You may feel entitled to finding someone who has done the same, am I right?  In your mind you may come to expect and think  that you deserve someone who has saved himself for you.  However, this is wrong.  Now hear me out, it is not wrong to desire that.  Of course you would want someone who has saved themselves for you physically and has saved their body only for you!  Of course!  I think that is good and I think that is ultimately what God wants.  However, when we come to find ourselves not just desiring, but deserving and feeling entitled to such a thing then that’s where the rub begins.  It is only by the grace of God that you have not found yourself giving into sexual sin.  We are all sinners.  We all make mistakes.  And any good that we do and any obedience that we have done is by God’s grace and mercy.  Therefore we deserve nothing and we are entitled to nothing.  God told Hosea to marry a prostitute.  Do you think that’s what Hosea desired?  Heck no.  But it was through their relationship that God showed His redemption and mercy.  We are called to forgive.  We are called to love.  And we are called to humble ourselves with gratitude that God has protected you from falling into sexual immorality before marriage.  It is by God’s grace alone.

Now to those of you who have already given in to sexual sin.  It is not too late.  You have not ruined your chances to marry a godly man who honors and lives for the Lord.  You can repent and in all honesty your slate will be wiped clean.  No speck of it anywhere in your record.  And there is the beautiful thing about forgiveness, those who have been forgiven much, love much.  There are amazing men out there who will look at you only as God looks at you!  Clean.  No blemish.  A bride to be won.  Run to the feet of Jesus.  I have a dear dear friend who gave herself to a man before she was married.  Through growing in her relationship with the Lord she found that what she had been doing was wrong.  Through tears of remorse she fell to the feet of Jesus and repented only to find that she was forgiven immensely.  She was made new.  A few years later she met the man she was going to marry.  He was the worship pastor at his church, good looking, God honoring, amazing man full of life.  She felt like she didn’t deserve him.  But when he had heard of her past and saw the woman she was now, he wept with her and forgave her and gladly with all his heart married her.  Sex under the covenant was as if it was the first time.  He loved her like Christ loved the church.  And you can experience that as well.  So I urge you, instead of feeling sorry for yourself, instead of wallowing in shame and despair, look to God, see His forgiveness, and believe that He makes you new.  A godly marriage is possible for you because of the amazing love and grace of Him who loves you most.

I would also like to address those who have been hurt by parents who have gotten divorced and have found themselves doubting marriage and doubting commitment.  I know that some of you have been in a battle your whole life.  A battle where you watch those who raise you fight, yell, hurt each other, ignore each other, and take it out on other people, maybe even yourself.  I know that it is possible for you to have a long line of divorces within your family and you think that it’s inevitable that the same will happen to you.  I have news for you!!  It DOESN’T HAVE TO BE THAT WAY FOR YOU!!!!!  I don’t know the reasons for your parent’s marriage or other’s marriages falling apart.  Some may think they have good reasons, most likely it was all selfish reasons.  But, do you trust in your circumstances to dictate the rest of your life?  Or do you trust in the Almighty God who created us humans to dictate the rest of your life??  Do you place your future in the palm of your parent’s hands?  Or do you place your future in the palm of God’s hands and trust that He loves you, He cares about your life, He cares about your marriage and He is a God of miracles who can save any marriage??   There is far less divorce in marriages that contain two individuals who don’t live together before they’re married and both love God and live a life reflecting Him.  If you both are God fearing people, than no matter what challenges you face, no matter what heartaches lurk, you can overcome them because you have a God who moves hearts even when you can’t.  You can’t control what your husband will do, but God can.  And if He loves God… then don’t you think God will give him wisdom on how to best serve you and love you?  And vice versa.  I know it can be scary to step into something you have only seen fall apart.  But I ask you to find marriages that have lasted.  Find other people you have seen make it work, and dwell on those.  I ask you to look into the Bible and find what God has to say about it.  And I promise you, it’s a beautiful thing.

I pray that as you begin to pray about your future spouse (because it’s a good thing to do) that you would not feel as though you deserve any specific thing or are entitled to any certain type of person.  But that you would lay your desires at His feet and be open to what God has in store.  I pray that you find just how much you are forgiven and live accordingly.  I pray that you would see all that God has done for you and trust that He is working within you, making you new, and preparing you for a beautiful adventure around the bend.  I pray that you would be grateful; that you would live full of life, without shame, and with excitement in your heart for the beauty He has made you to be.  I pray that your heart would be bent towards our Savior and not focused on the what ifs.  Remember just how much you are loved in spite of your mistakes and walk with hope in the God who loves you.

15 thoughts on “By God’s Grace

  1. Jessica says:

    Awesome post, Kelly, and very timely. Thank you!

  2. Liza Kittle says:

    Beautiful words of wisdom, Kelly. My husband and I met as two divorcees….I thought God would never give me another man because I had so much sexual sin in my life. I did meet Bill and we would have a very rocky marriage for several years as we weren’t following The Lord. Alcohol abuse was tearing our family apart. We had divorce papers drawn up twice….and then The Lord intervened and a miracle occurred . He led me to Bible Study Fellowship, an interdenominational BS that lasts for 9 years. I highly recommend it for young women to older. Jesus changed my heart and then changed my husband’s heart and our marriage was restored from the pits of despair. He freed us from alcohol abuse and helped us change completely as spouses and the parents of 4 children. I want to encourage all the young girls who read your blog….never underestimate how God can redeem a life…no matter how much sin you’ve had in your life. Now everyday when my husband comes home from his very stressful job, the first thing he does is take his Bible, goes to our porch swing, and spends an hour with The Lord reading God’s Holy Word. It brings tears to my eyes to see what God has done. Turn to him and He will lead you through the worst of circumstances, hold you when you are discouraged, and bring you unspeakable peace and joy.

  3. JP says:

    So…here’s a question…

    First of all, I would like to say that I have loved everything you’re written so far Kelly. I love reading these blogs and they are always so inspiring.

    As so my question, I read that you say that we should we praying about our future spouce. That is something I’ve heard before that we should all be doing. I tried doing the whole praying for said spouce and writing letters to him and such. However, my heart was never quite in it, mostly because as I posted on a previous post (http://agirlikeme.com/2013/03/05/846/) I do not see myself getting married. It’s not that I’m against the idea, I just don’t feel I will ever be married (and I’m 100% OK with that BTW). So, is it wrong that I’m not praying for this said future spouce? I don’t know, I know I’m completely different than the norm, so I’m just so confused that if what I’m feeling and doing (or not doing in this case) wrong, un-Godly, or unbiblical.

    • Kelly says:

      Hey there. Thanks for the question. If you do not feel called to marriage than of course that is not a bad thing. I know many women who have stayed single their whole lives and God has used them and brought them to ministries and other areas where they are serving and are completely happy doing so. Even Paul says in the Bible it is good to remain single so that your attention is not divided and can be fully focused on the Lord. Does this mean it’s not good to marry? No.. God did create Eve for Adam. So I believe there are good in both and you should follow whichever way the Lord is directing you. Just pray from your heart- something like this maybe- Lord, Right now I feel that you are calling me to singleness and I am excited to see what you have in store. However, if you change my heart and lead me into a relationship I pray that relationship would be God honoring.
      All that to say- there is absolutely nothing wrong with feeling led to be single. I was mostly addressing those who do desire to marry. Hope that helps.

      Kelly

  4. Chelsea says:

    I just have to say…amen. Thanks for speaking truth!!

  5. Jennifer says:

    Thank you so much for this post! My parents aren’t divorced but they don’t exactly have a happy marriage, and it has really effected me and my views on life, including marriage. I do have some good friends however whom I babysit for. They have an awesome marriage and they serve the Lord together. It is one of the most beautiful things I have ever seen, and it gives me hope that I can have the same.

  6. Jess says:

    Thankyou for this challenge. O that I may be open to whatever God has in store for me!

  7. LM says:

    This entry definitely spoke to me on a personal level. I seem to be one of those rare females who hasn’t dreamed about a wedding her whole life. I haven’t had divorces in my life but I have watched people hurt each other in their relationships and I haven’t believed that love between people on this earth could be anything worth all the trouble it seems to cause. I’ve let the hurt I’ve seen make me bitter and have given up altogether on ever being truly happy with someone. But the idea of praying about any relationships that may come my way is a new idea to me. I want to give it up to God and trust that whatever He brings my way will be worth my time because it’s His will, not mine. Thank you for opening my eyes so that I can learn to open my heart.

  8. switchfootstarr says:

    Thanks so much you guys are so special!!!<3

  9. Happy in Nature says:

    I needed this so much.ONLY by God’s grace have I remained a virgin, not any special commitment or purity on my part…that I can assure you without getting into the reasons why. I have done things I’m ashamed of and I’m finally (after years of shame and pain) realizing that I serve a God of mercy. He’s writing my story and He can make it beautiful, no matter what mishaps the main character gets into.

  10. Cynthia says:

    This really spoke to me. Sometimes I feel like giving up – I really do. Its hard to look ahead with hope when you see nothing good in the future. But this morning I woke up and my morning verse was, Do not worry about tommorrow Matthew 6:34. Then I read this and I know no matter what I cannot give up, my hope is in my Father and not on my circumstances. Thank you Kelly ; )

  11. mjscrogg34 says:

    I am really against the statistic that says couples who live together before marriage are more likely to divorce. My aunt and uncle lived together before marriage, she had a child from another man, neither was serving the Lord. He is now a pastor of a church, they both serve the Lord, and will celebrate 25 years of marriage this year. My husband and I lived together before getting married because economically it was better. I won’t lie and say we were pure sexually, we weren’t. By the time we moved in together we were engaged and planning the wedding. I am not justifying my choice. I stand by it. I was 32 when we met and he 36. We married at 34 and 38. Neither of us intend on getting a divorce. We both are christians. It takes work, and sacrifice to make a marriage work. I really don’t think it matters if you live together before you are married or not as far as your chances of divorce go. Marriage and making it work and making it good is a choice you make every day. Statistics can be skewed to produce desired results, based on your sample size and group you are sampling, and I always wonder if the “if you live together before marriage you are more likely to divorce” is evidence of skewed statistics. Just saying. We lived together before marriage, and I believe it will last. Again just saying..

  12. Natalie says:

    This is exactly what I needed to hear today! I have felt so much shame about not saving myself for marriage and have been feeling like because of it I would never find a Godly husband or that a man who has saved himself could never love me. I have read many blogs by christians on this topic and so many of them are so quick to say that a person who has saved themselves deserve someone who has also saved themself or that someone who hasn’t saved themself can’t expect to to be loved by someone who has and it’s very discouraging. Your post has given me the hope I needed so THANK YOU!

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