Made To Relate


March 5, 2013 by A Girl Like Me

I’ve been putting off writing this post for a while. Partly because I’ve been busy, but mainly because I just don’t want to write it. I know that as a woman, we all long for relationship. However, I don’t want to belabor this idea that what we are all about as daughters of our King is nothing more than an moony-eyed girl pining over some boy who may or may not be our husband. Because we aren’t. BUT…in spite of knowing that, I do know that God has made us to ache for earthly connection and that connection is meant to reflect Him in the end. So walk with me, would you, as I try to take the jumbled, hesitant thoughts in my brain and help kick us off in this discussion of relationships in the light of the Lord’s grace and mercy.

(Deep breath)

Much like we discussed several months ago while talking about sex, it’s important for you to know that your desire as a woman to have companionship with a man under the covenant of marriage is a beautiful and God-given gift. Consider the beauty of the story of creation in Genesis. Here, God has perfectly crafted a world with more creativity and beauty than we could ever fathom. In His longing for relationship as God, he chooses to create Adam. Here’s the crazy part…Adam really was enough. God had a companion and had given Adam access to all the blessing and beauty God had to offer. Yet…and this is a big yet…in Genesis 2:18 we hear God say, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.” And so God created woman. Eve. The perfect complement to Adam, and the part of God’s character that sees and feels deep within the desire for relationship.

So, let’s get it straight, the fact that since you were four years old you have been dreaming about the day you would be married is completely ok. God put that there. He put that piece of His heart that so longs for a mate inside you, allowing you as a woman to reflect that back into our world. I know a lot of books and sermons out there are going to tell you to not think about a husband or that your longing for one is bad. But I would disagree. If God himself saw that man should not be alone and then created us to fill that, I think it’s safe to say that He is ok with us acknowledging that desire within our hearts.

And here is where my heart begins to race a little…Your longing for a mate is beautiful and acceptable only when it thrives within the parameters of being an earthly representation of a heavenly covenant. Like anything, as Kelly wrote a few weeks back, if taking over our thoughts to the point where it becomes our ultimate, it becomes an idol. So no big surprise that one of the best gifts God has given us, can also be our greatest weakness in distancing ourselves from him.

You can want a husband. You can desire and long for it. But when you ache for nothing more than that, you are saying that a mate is the only possible means for you to find satisfaction in your life. And that kind of longing, no matter how well intentioned, is not what God had intended.

Our hearts were made for relationship, this we know. But as we move forward we need to begin to ask ourselves exactly how God wishes that desire to be used.

14 thoughts on “Made To Relate

  1. jesssing4him says:

    Wow heather, thank you so much for posting this! It’s incredible how perfect Gods timing is. I’ve been longing for such a long time for this relationship & it’s something that I’ve been praying about for a long time. Literally this past week God drove this point home in my heart… Because the desire started to get in the way of my thoughts when I was praying and seeking God for his direction and clear purpose. The moment that it clicked that’s what I was doing I felt guilty, but quickly He reminded me that it’s ok to have that desire but I have to continue to let him do his work in and through me as he’s continuing to prepare me.

    Today was the perfect day that you could post this :) thank you so much for listening to His heart– this was a reaffirming word for me. God is using you and Kelly in so many lives and it is so inspiring to me! Keep pressing forward and keep telling your heart stories, so many need to hear them. Love both of you girls!! Thank you for listening to His heart and being transparent; it’s so encouraging and helpful to know that we’re going through this life together, even if it is through words on a screen, God knows what and why he’s doing something, even when we don’t. <3 Jess

  2. Reblogged this on awesomesnoodle and commented:
    I agree with what Heather says regarding a relationship between a woman and a man. It’s not wrong to have a desire for a mate. What is wrong is when this desire is becoming an idol. It’s ruling your life. Take a read for yourself and comment what you think. :)

  3. Catherine says:

    This has really hit me in the gut. As much as I want to deny it. Thank for sharing, it has given me something to think about.

  4. Marissa says:

    This seriously has been on my mind a lot recently with friends getting engaged and waiting on God to provide a godly man for me to marry. Thanks for articulating it so well! It puts things into perspective :)

  5. Beth says:

    Thank you so much for posting this. It cleared up a lot for me, actually, and sets me free because now I realize that it really is ok for me to be excited about marrying the guy that God has brought into my life. Honestly, I’ve been feeling guilty about it lately–like I shouldn’t want it. But now I know that I /can/ want it and still have a good relationship with God.

  6. Just as Jessica4him previously stated, i have been longing for the right man to come along too! this was perfect timing! thanks for the encouragement to leave everything in God’s hands.. I know everything will be ok and will turn out in HIS time, not ours :)

  7. gemamethy says:

    On Tuesday, March 5, 2013, A Girl Like Me wrote: > agirlikemee posted: “I’ve been putting off writing this post for a while. Partly because I’ve been busy, but mainly because I just don’t want to write it. I know that as a woman, we all long for relationship. However, I don’t want to belabor this idea that what we are all abo” >

  8. Cynthia says:

    Wow – all I can say is thank you Father for using two beautiful girls to help us in this journey. I have been guilty of this very thing but each time I start thinking what is my future and I just don’t see any light at the end of the tunnel, I hold that thought captive. Our Father loves each and every one of us. Hs love is so eternal and unconditional. I have grown in my faith so much and it is truly from the words here and knowing that God is guiding my every path. You guys really have an amzing word and I pray that His blessings will always be upon your life ; )

  9. Lori says:

    Once again, you have read my mind. Seriously. THANK YOU.

  10. Janie Hague says:

    This, is exactly what I neeeded to hear. I have been going back and forth on if what I am feeling is actually glorifing god. And that God would not put that longing on my heart unless it is what he intended for me. But I find my self constantly thinking about it, and asking God to just move on this part of my life. This is when it does not glorify him because it can be at times all I think about. I need to just allow God to do his work and in his time. I read the book when God writes your love story-amazing! However it talked about giving God the pen so he can write your love story. It is hard to do, but amazing at the same time. I need to trust in the fact that he has a plan, and I need to be patient while he is writing out that plan, and take in ever glourious moment.
    Thanks for writing this, I really needed to hear this.

  11. I read this at the most perfect time. We as women must always remember that we are worth so much more than to sit around dreaming up our Prince Charming. We must sit BACK, relax, and put our focus on God, our one true king. All will work out in our favor in His time. Thank you ladies :)

  12. JP says:

    So, here is a question. What if we *don’t* long to get married? Is there something wrong? I’ll be 29 soon, still single, never dated, have never really dreamt up the perfect husband/wedding/marriage, and really don’t long to have children. It’s not that I don’t find men attractive (I do! Oh trust me, I do!), just the whole getting married thing is not something that I long for. I see all my peers either already married or longing for a husband/marriage. All of my friend’s pins on pinterests are for their perfect wedding (weather or not they have a boyfriend, let alone a fiance)…mine is filled with pictures of recording studios, funny cartoons, mission trip stuff, and anything purple I can find. I love kids, but I’ve never envisioned myself having any, and even though I call John Cena (a famous wrestler if you didn’t know) my future husband, in reality I really don’t foresee myself married.

    So, again, back to my questions…is that wrong? My mom sure does think so, lol

    • Happy in Nature says:

      Let me just say that there is NOTHING wrong with that, but in fact consider it a blessing. You have the freedom to follow God to the ends of the earth without pining away for a partner or having to consider another. I’m 28 have struggled with my singleness often (though sometimes not) and I have never dated either for many reasons. Again, consider it a blessing that you don’t desire this and pursue God with all your heart and get ready for an adventure that only God has in mind for you and that ONLY YOU can fulfill.

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