October 31, 2012 by A Girl Like Me
Dear readers of the female gender:
Hello to you all! My name is Ruben. First, let me start this thing off by saying thank you for having me on the blog today! And thank you for allowing myself and the Tenth Ave boys to have a go at explaining life and some biblical truths as we see them. Truly is an honor to get to encounter you guys on the road from time to time, and I can’t even begin to explain how much some of your hearts and stories have ministered to us.
So lets tackle this thing head on, shall we? I’m sitting at an airport, about to fly home for a few days, wondering why I’ve waited so long to even start writing this blog. I’d say one of my giftings has to be procrastination. I mean I really flourish in this area. Give me any task and I will put it off til the very last second (some of you can sympathize with me). But ironically, this leads me to reveal the question at hand – What does pursuing a mate look like for a guy? And does a godly dude prefer to go after a girl head on or wait patiently on God to present her? Hmm.
To get the obvious out of the way, I think we can agree all men are not created equal. Although I’m sure at times it may seem to you ladies we men have somehow all inherited the same stupid-gene, I can assure you there’s still some good chivalrous and considerate fellows out there. Here’s a quick tidbit of insight on a guy’s mind: simplicity is king. The complexity of the female mind can straight up freak us out! Throw emotion in the mix and you’ll find us hiding in the corner of the room in the fetal position trying to find our happy place. Point is, we like doing one thing at a time, focusing on nothing else but that, and getting the job done, especially if it involves some type of adventure or danger. If you’re interested in finding out more about the male mind, read a book called Wild At Heart. It was an eye opener for me, and I’ve been a guy my whole life!
Moving right along, let’s see what the bible has to say about a guy pursuing a mate. Czech it:
He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord.
The word that sticks out the most to me here is “find”. This verse actually reminds me of that one fairytale where the prince is in distress awaiting his courageous female rescuer who’s riding on horseback with her sword to come and rescue him from danger and slay the dragon and…. Huh? Wait, that’s not the way the story goes. Not even close! As many times as we’ve heard “the prince rescuing the princess story”, you have to admit there is a bit of truth to it. You don’t ever hear stories of “the passive prince who stood aside and twiddled his thumbs until the princess accidentally stumbled upon him and fired up a conversation”. Nope. He always goes after her. Ladies, let me be clear here: Man was created to FIGHT for the woman he loves. To boldly take risks. To courageously battle the dragon and rescue his beauty. Now, of course I’m not saying a guy should literally be fist fighting with people over you or walking around with a sword trying to poke dragons, but you get the idea.
But ok, what about waiting on God? What does that look like? Should that not even be a factor? Here’s a quick example: if a dude is in high school, he really has no business actively searching for a mate. Why not? Because he probably doesn’t even know how to wash his own clothes yet. This is the time when literally waiting on God is good–when instead of pursuing high school girls, he can be in prayer about his future wife, wherever she is, whatever she may be doing at the moment. Make sense? Now on the flip side of it–for a mature single man in his 30’s? It’s game on, son! And by game I mean- sweet talk that little honey into the best romantic dinner date and treat her like the fancy lady she is, AM-I-RIGHT??? Seriously though, all this to say, while it’s good for a man to be mindful of the Lord’s leading through prayer & the Holy Spirit, guys were not created to passively pull the God-card and say “I’m waiting on the Lord to present my future wife”. We were made to step up to the plate.
An interesting correlation you find throughout scripture is how parallel Christ’s pursuit of us is with a man finding a wife. I mean husbands are called to love their wives as Christ loves the church, right? For instance: A man sees a woman. He desires her, longs to be with her and near her. Chooses in his heart to love her above all else, flaws and all. So he presents his best offer and waits on her response. The ball is now in her court. She can decline the offer, or accept and take part in a mutual covenantal bond that will last forever. Sounds a lot like the gospel to me, don’t ya think? Christ has sought us out–he’s called us out of darkness into light. God delights in us despite our mistakes, pasts, failures, and to top it all off; He gives us a choice on how to react to his best offer. What would you say if Jesus were kneeling right in front of you with an engagement ring?
So what if you say- “Ok Rubes, that’s cool and all, but what if I’m already dating a guy that is sort of pursuing me?” (according to American society’s standards)
This is gonna get tricky to explain, so here’s a good rule of thumb. If you remember anything from this post remember this: IF THE GUY YOU’RE DATING ISN’T ACTIVELY LEADING YOU TOWARDS TREASURING JESUS MORE, YOU NEED TO RETHINK YOUR SITUATION.
Ok, so what does that mean exactly? And why am I shouting in caps lock? Because this is super important! Let me spell it out–(aside from already doing these things when he’s by himself) if he’s not interested in praying with you, studying and memorizing scripture with you, worshipping with you, isn’t transformed in his own heart to want to graciously bless others with you because of the grace he’s been shown, and generally isn’t mentioning how amazing Jesus is for loving a scumbag like himself, you need to do some thinking, girlfriend. Hard thinking. Because a guy that isn’t leading you towards the Lord is only leading you towards himself. And that’s the most selfish thing any guy can do to you.
The last thing I’ll say about a man’s pursuit of you is this. As I was writing stuff down and pulling thoughts out of the air, a question popped up in my mind that I think is an important extension to the subject already at hand and is worth mentioning. Because to me, when a girl asks “what does pursuing a mate look like for a guy?” I think in her heart she might be asking “why aren’t guys, or the right kind of guys, pursuing me?” This is quite a weighted topic to discuss, so if they haven’t already, maybe you guys can request the experts (Heather & Kelly) to cover it in full detail, but I will offer this small piece of advice. And I say this in a gentle and delicate manner, but today our culture encourages men to enjoy life and be free, have as much fun as possible, and generally be less assertive; while women are encouraged to go after what they want (careers, relationships, status, etc). Sadly, I think this empowering message geared towards females has been distorted into, “Women, if men aren’t going to do it, let’s do it for them–go after the guy you want!” Hmm. Think about it this way: when you make it easy for a guy and do all the work & pursuing for him, you will then start attracting certain types of dudes. And trust me when I say, they WON’T be the good kind. They’ll be interested in leading you towards themselves, physically, without any regard for your hearts or souls. So what then? I’m pretty sure all of the other Tenth Ave guys have said it in their posts in some form, but ladies- The Lord loves you. He desires to spend time with you. He’s in constant pursuit of you, fighting for your heart. Romans 5:8 says, “God proves His love for us in this that while we were still sinners, Christ died.” Proves is present tense. Because of His great love, we can all be called His children, no matter where we are in life or what we’ve done. Let that sink in and become an unshakable identity for you. No guy, husband, father, lover will ever satisfy your heart & soul the way our Father in heaven will. You were created to love Him back. As Mike the lead singer of our band says, “All we need to say back to God are the words I Love You Too”.
So! What did we learn today, class?
1.Don’t do drugs.
2.If he ain’t leadin’ you towards Christ, he probz… ain’t… very… nice. (rhyme points)
3.Don’t make it easy and do the work for him; focus on seeking the Lord diligently with all your heart. There is a guy out there doing the same thing, and if the Lord wills, this guy will eventually find you, pursue you–and then it’s GAME. ON.
Glad we had this talk. Go team, go! -Ruben