Dragon Slaying, Princess Rescuing, He-Men

53

October 31, 2012 by A Girl Like Me

Dear readers of the female gender:

Hello to you all! My name is Ruben. First, let me start this thing off by saying thank you for having me on the blog today! And thank you for allowing myself and the Tenth Ave boys to have a go at explaining life and some biblical truths as we see them. Truly is an honor to get to encounter you guys on the road from time to time, and I can’t even begin to explain how much some of your hearts and stories have ministered to us.

So lets tackle this thing head on, shall we? I’m sitting at an airport, about to fly home for a few days, wondering why I’ve waited so long to even start writing this blog. I’d say one of my giftings has to be procrastination. I mean I really flourish in this area. Give me any task and I will put it off til the very last second (some of you can sympathize with me). But ironically, this leads me to reveal the question at hand – What does pursuing a mate look like for a guy? And does a godly dude prefer to go after a girl head on or wait patiently on God to present her? Hmm.

To get the obvious out of the way, I think we can agree all men are not created equal. Although I’m sure at times it may seem to you ladies we men have somehow all inherited the same stupid-gene, I can assure you there’s still some good chivalrous and considerate fellows out there. Here’s a quick tidbit of insight on a guy’s mind: simplicity is king. The complexity of the female mind can straight up freak us out! Throw emotion in the mix and you’ll find us hiding in the corner of the room in the fetal position trying to find our happy place. Point is, we like doing one thing at a time, focusing on nothing else but that, and getting the job done, especially if it involves some type of adventure or danger. If you’re interested in finding out more about the male mind, read a book called Wild At Heart. It was an eye opener for me, and I’ve been a guy my whole life!

Moving right along, let’s see what the bible has to say about a guy pursuing a mate. Czech it:

He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord.

Proverbs 18:22.

Boom.

The word that sticks out the most to me here is “find”. This verse actually reminds me of that one fairytale where the prince is in distress awaiting his courageous female rescuer who’s riding on horseback with her sword to come and rescue him from danger and slay the dragon and…. Huh? Wait, that’s not the way the story goes. Not even close! As many times as we’ve heard “the prince rescuing the princess story”, you have to admit there is a bit of truth to it. You don’t ever hear stories of “the passive prince who stood aside and twiddled his thumbs until the princess accidentally stumbled upon him and fired up a conversation”. Nope. He always goes after her. Ladies, let me be clear here: Man was created to FIGHT for the woman he loves. To boldly take risks. To courageously battle the dragon and rescue his beauty. Now, of course I’m not saying a guy should literally be fist fighting with people over you or walking around with a sword trying to poke dragons, but you get the idea.

But ok, what about waiting on God? What does that look like? Should that not even be a factor? Here’s a quick example: if a dude is in high school, he really has no business actively searching for a mate. Why not? Because he probably doesn’t even know how to wash his own clothes yet. This is the time when literally waiting on God is good–when instead of pursuing high school girls, he can be in prayer about his future wife, wherever she is, whatever she may be doing at the moment. Make sense? Now on the flip side of it–for a mature single man in his 30’s? It’s game on, son! And by game I mean- sweet talk that little honey into the best romantic dinner date and treat her like the fancy lady she is, AM-I-RIGHT??? Seriously though, all this to say, while it’s good for a man to be mindful of the Lord’s leading through prayer & the Holy Spirit, guys were not created to passively pull the God-card and say “I’m waiting on the Lord to present my future wife”. We were made to step up to the plate.

An interesting correlation you find throughout scripture is how parallel Christ’s pursuit of us is with a man finding a wife. I mean husbands are called to love their wives as Christ loves the church, right? For instance: A man sees a woman. He desires her, longs to be with her and near her. Chooses in his heart to love her above all else, flaws and all. So he presents his best offer and waits on her response. The ball is now in her court. She can decline the offer, or accept and take part in a mutual covenantal bond that will last forever. Sounds a lot like the gospel to me, don’t ya think? Christ has sought us out–he’s called us out of darkness into light. God delights in us despite our mistakes, pasts, failures, and to top it all off; He gives us a choice on how to react to his best offer. What would you say if Jesus were kneeling right in front of you with an engagement ring?

So what if you say- “Ok Rubes, that’s cool and all, but what if I’m already dating a guy that is sort of pursuing me?” (according to American society’s standards)

This is gonna get tricky to explain, so here’s a good rule of thumb. If you remember anything from this post remember this: IF THE GUY YOU’RE DATING ISN’T ACTIVELY LEADING YOU TOWARDS TREASURING JESUS MORE, YOU NEED TO RETHINK YOUR SITUATION.

Ok, so what does that mean exactly? And why am I shouting in caps lock? Because this is super important! Let me spell it out–(aside from already doing these things when he’s by himself) if he’s not interested in praying with you, studying and memorizing scripture with you, worshipping with you, isn’t transformed in his own heart to want to graciously bless others with you because of the grace he’s been shown, and generally isn’t mentioning how amazing Jesus is for loving a scumbag like himself, you need to do some thinking, girlfriend. Hard thinking. Because a guy that isn’t leading you towards the Lord is only leading you towards himself. And that’s the most selfish thing any guy can do to you.

The last thing I’ll say about a man’s pursuit of you is this. As I was writing stuff down and pulling thoughts out of the air, a question popped up in my mind that I think is an important extension to the subject already at hand and is worth mentioning. Because to me, when a girl asks “what does pursuing a mate look like for a guy?” I think in her heart she might be asking “why aren’t guys, or the right kind of guys, pursuing me?” This is quite a weighted topic to discuss, so if they haven’t already, maybe you guys can request the experts (Heather & Kelly) to cover it in full detail, but I will offer this small piece of advice. And I say this in a gentle and delicate manner, but today our culture encourages men to enjoy life and be free, have as much fun as possible, and generally be less assertive; while women are encouraged to go after what they want (careers, relationships, status, etc). Sadly, I think this empowering message geared towards females has been distorted into, “Women, if men aren’t going to do it, let’s do it for them–go after the guy you want!” Hmm. Think about it this way: when you make it easy for a guy and do all the work & pursuing for him, you will then start attracting certain types of dudes. And trust me when I say, they WON’T be the good kind. They’ll be interested in leading you towards themselves, physically, without any regard for your hearts or souls. So what then? I’m pretty sure all of the other Tenth Ave guys have said it in their posts in some form, but ladies- The Lord loves you. He desires to spend time with you. He’s in constant pursuit of you, fighting for your heart. Romans 5:8 says, “God proves His love for us in this that while we were still sinners, Christ died.” Proves is present tense. Because of His great love, we can all be called His children, no matter where we are in life or what we’ve done. Let that sink in and become an unshakable identity for you. No guy, husband, father, lover will ever satisfy your heart & soul the way our Father in heaven will. You were created to love Him back. As Mike the lead singer of our band says, “All we need to say back to God are the words I Love You Too”.

So! What did we learn today, class?

1.Don’t do drugs.

2.If he ain’t leadin’ you towards Christ, he probz… ain’t… very… nice. (rhyme points)

3.Don’t make it easy and do the work for him; focus on seeking the Lord diligently with all your heart. There is a guy out there doing the same thing, and if the Lord wills, this guy will eventually find you, pursue you–and then it’s GAME. ON.

Glad we had this talk. Go team, go! -Ruben

53 thoughts on “Dragon Slaying, Princess Rescuing, He-Men

  1. EMily S. says:

    Hahaha! Thank you for taking the time to write this post, Ruben. Definitely things to remember in the future. All you guys are awesome for guest-blogging the last few weeks. :)

  2. Ali says:

    Absolutely LOVED this. The message was clear and spot on, and I couldn’t stop laughing. Probably my favorite way I’ve ever read/heard about this topic. Nicely done Ruben!

  3. Brea L says:

    I agree! If he isn’t man enough to pursue you and wants you to just fall into his arms, than run gals run! Also, I have it easy, I have an AWESOME dad who I just compare every guy I meet to. Then, if the guy doesn’t measure up (no one has or probably will), we will only be friends…And yes, this is a way to never have a boyfriend. ;-)

  4. Brea L says:

    I love how you say “He-Men” Ruben. To me that means Men for Him.

  5. fotosbytess says:

    Amazing words of encouragement! Definitely needed to hear these words. Hearing you say: IF THE GUY YOU’RE DATING ISN’T ACTIVELY LEADING YOU TOWARDS TREASURING JESUS MORE, YOU NEED TO RETHINK YOUR SITUATION made me realize I did the right thing in letting go of a relationship no matter how hard is has been. Jesus has my best interests at heart. Thanks, Rueben!

  6. Lisa says:

    absolutely loved this—love your way of writing….makes me laugh but in a good way:) esp loved the recap at the end:)

  7. Ashley says:

    Great post – thank you! Love the blog, love the band. So, my question is this… what if I am already married? My husband started going to church when we were dating and though I see changes in his life, he is not acting as a spiritual leader in our family. I’ve tried to talk to him about this and when we’ve had these discussions he agrees with me, but then never changes. I’m torn because I don’t want to nag him but I want things to change. Any advice aside from actively praying for him?

    • tina says:

      I’m in the same boat. As s family we sometimes have spiritual discussions, but my husband never attends church or reads scripture with us. I have often told him our boys r looking to him on how to be a man. I can talk and lead all day long,but in the end it is His lead I want to see my boys follow.

    • audrey.d.jones@gmail.com says:

      Hi Ashley! I go to a Bible study with my husband, And it seems that many guys respond better when there is a group of guys talking about that subject (stepping up as a leader) instead of it just coming from their wife. When it comes from the wife it can come across as nagging… I think one of the best things you guys can do as a couple is start going to a Bible study Group. This way you both have support. Here is a link to the book that the guys read at the study.

      The Book is called Wild at Heart. I highly recommend it!

      http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/1846.Wild_at_Heart

  8. Liza Kittle says:

    Dear Kelly,

    Julia and her counselor  Jeremy are so excited about meeting you in Lenexa, KS next Thursday night (Nov. 8).  She really is beside herself.  I told them you could meet them at the Merc table at 6:15 (is that okay?) 

    Julia will be graduating from Shelterwood after Thanksgiving and she has worked so hard with Jeremy (and the Lord) to get to this place of healing, hope, and faith.  Do you think they will have time to meet the guys before the show.  She would love that, and I would love to get a picture of them with the band.  Jeremy’s wife Cassie will be with them and also a Big Sister Emily will be with them.  I so wish I could be there with all of you, but we have to fly out for her graduation and it’s just too expensive.  I know it will be a meaningful night for both Julia and Jeremy as they know I have talked to ya’ll about the journey we have had this year.

    You are all such a special group of young adults who are making such a difference. I can’t even imagine the lives that are changed after each show…they are really worship experiences where Mike presents the Gospel in such a winsome, yet serious way. 

    Blessings and tell the guys their blogs have been great!  I attached a picture of Julia and Jeremy so you could see them (I may have already done that, but oh well!)

    In Jesus,

    Liza Kittle

  9. eyesovvboulder says:

    So very good!! Exactly what I think every girl needs to know growing up, and every man should teach his son. Absolutely hit the nail on the head. Thanks so much for your time in writing all these posts and for really delivering God’s word in an honest and genuine manner.
    -W.

  10. Janette says:

    Great post Ruben! I learned this year that I can’t do homework the night before it’s due, but I didn’t do that last week. I really needed this post today. And a good laugh. :) It’s was something I needed to hear and repeated. I’ve been struggling with this for awhile. Thank you T.A.N. guys for blogging this month especially Jason who did an amazing post even though you don’t blog. :) Thanks Ruben for the post today and taking your time.

  11. That was great. Nice to know that a free lance guy has the same way of thinking that I do. It is also nice to be reminded that it is not about just finding a guy, but the right guy that will share you love and faith for your lord. All the post form theTAN guys was great and so informative. I know how busy you all are with the tour, so we all thank you guys. I can’t wait to see you all again in Davenport on the 10th.

  12. Cc says:

    Love this, was laughing when I first started till I finished, thanks for the words Rubes :)

  13. Winter says:

    “if he’s not interested in praying with you, studying and memorizing scripture with you, worshipping with you, isn’t transformed in his own heart to want to graciously bless others with you because of the grace he’s been shown, and generally isn’t mentioning how amazing Jesus is for loving a scumbag like himself, you need to do some thinking, girlfriend. Hard thinking. Because a guy that isn’t leading you towards the Lord is only leading you towards himself. And that’s the most selfish thing any guy can do to you.”
    AWESOME!

  14. Kristen says:

    Ruben,

    Thank you for this post. I love your sense of humor!

    The part that struck me the most was the part where you say how women are becoming more assertive in pursuit of a mate. Now you see, I’m almost 19, in college, and have never been in a relationship. The question thats been on my heart for a long time is, “Why aren’t nice, decent guys pursuing me?”. I’ve felt like my devotion to God and decision to wait for intimacy until after marriage has inhibited my dating life. So I am constantly thinking about how I need to go after a guy if I ever want a relationship. However, your advice to think ahead to the future when I meet my husband and how wonderful it will be to know he waited for me too put things into perspective. I mean, I’m not even out of my teens…there is plenty of time to find a mate!! Thank you for easing my worries and putting my situation in context.

    Kristen

  15. Charissa J. says:

    Good job Ruben! Its so good to know there are still real men of God like the TAN guys. Praying God will bring one my way. Thanks for being an awesome example to men and women alike.
    This reminds me of a shirt I have that says, “Your heart should be so lost in God that a man needs to seek Him first in order to find you”.

  16. Sophie says:

    Thanks for posting this Ruben! It was really encouraging and made some really good points. It was to good hear someone view, and what the bible says on the subject from a guy thats not old and outdated seeming. It makes me feel like I have time and don’t have to worry about not finding a godly guy(Especially since i’m still in high school lol) Plus I couldn’t stop cracking up lol.. Great post especially for procrastinating :) (i have the same problem lol) Will definitely remember this post!

  17. “So what did we learn today, class?:

    1. Don’t do drugs”

    Hahahahahaha.
    I laughed so hard throughout this entire post. A lot of good points were made in a humorous manner. Thank you for typing this! :)

  18. Anna Dollar says:

    Amazing really opened my eyes to something new thanks for sharing!

  19. tina says:

    Great post Ruben. Thanks.

  20. Julia Gregory says:

    Kelly, Heather, Jeff, Ruben, Jason, Brendon,& Mike, I thank you for this blog! This whole month I look forward to Wednesdays! Tthe reason I got into this blog is because the Tenth Avenue North boys were gunna write. Man, I am glad God showed me this! I have went to other blogs on here and I fell in love!!!! God has showed me soooo much this past month! I look forward to Kelly and Heather posting on here! I love you all in Christ! Give him the glory <3 :)

  21. Bigfoot says:

    Great article. I do not agree with your reference about waiting till your 30’s to marry though. This is a very damaging trend that the church has followed in the last few decades. Marry young and do it right from the start, instead of spending years going crazy and getting sucked into destructive behaviour. I married at 20 and have been married to my wife for 12 years now. Heaven on earth

  22. Greta says:

    THANK YOU RUBEN!
    I really needed to hear that. Even though I’m just a junior in High school, I often worry about the godly male population becoming “extinct” before the right one comes. And then of course when all my friends are dating, I wonder why I have not found the one yet!
    Well anyways BIG wake up call / very refreshing reminder- I don’t need to be searching yet! And then when my time comes I DON’T have to worry about finding him, because if its Gods will, he will come and pursue me!
    Thanks so much for sharing this “insight” Ruben and making us all rotfl in the process :)

  23. Elizabeth says:

    Excellent😘

  24. Holli says:

    WOW! What an encouraging post. Good reminders and good truth. I completely agree with u that the society is shouting for men to be passive and women to be assertive. It is a sick lie in our society. I do think that for girls who tend to be assertive in nature can be confused about how to behave when they are interested in a guy. Like is it appropriate to be assertive in some ways. It can make them think that they need to change and become more passive. I know this because I’ve been there. The past two years I have been running from the person God created me to be because I was afraid my power of influence would be used for bad or harm. I’ve seen woman with the same type of personality as me use their power for bad (yes I am referring to a woman’s ability to influence as a power, like a superhero power), but it’s true. Woman have the power of influence and women who tend to be more of a leader and are a powerhouse (as i am sometimes referred to) can use their influence in a relationship for bad or harm. My question is where is the balance? How can a woman who is gifted in leadership and power still use that gift to honor The Lord in a relationship? Although I am asking this I tend to be shyer when it comes to the male species (lol) but am not afraid to spark a convo or try and initiate something. Is that bad? Is that wrong? Should a woman deny how God created her or am I just in need of some shaping and molding by the Potter’s hands? (Ps sorry this is so long)

  25. Madison Foster says:

    WOW! Thank you Mr. Juarez!! Thank you for proving what I refuse to stop believing: chivalry is NOT dead! It’s extremely encouraging to know that there are men out there like you. It’s amazing how God’s timing works, ya know? Some of my guy friends have been talking about Wild At Heart recently, and my dad has read it as well. Also, in the young adult Bible study that I go to we have been talking about relationships lately and how men are always supposed to be the pursuers and women the pursuees, and the example with the “knight in shining armor” and the “damsel in distress” with the dragon was used as well! God never ceases to amaze me! You did a spectacular job with this post sir, maybe you and the rest of the Tenth Ave guys will be asked to blog again in the future, at least I hope so!

    Ps. Happy Birthday!

  26. Gina says:

    Many time reading this blog I’ve found myself thinking to myself, and even saying out loud, “Got it.” Thanks, Ruben, for the words from a Christian guy’s perspective. My friends and I have been having the conversation about gender roles in society and their reversals many times over the past few months, and having a Biblical perspective put to it, was just what I needed to hear/read. At the age of 27, I feel I am starting to reach a point in my life where I’m truly ready to look for my “other half” and this is coming from a person who made choices that caused me to grow up very fast. This post helped me decide to pass this blog on to my youngest sister, who is just now in high school, to hopefully give her some insight. Thanks :)

  27. THANK you ruben!!! You guys are soo awesome :) Thank you for taking the time to write this :) I saw you guys in Redlands, CA last week and it was the best concert I’ve ever been to. You guys are so powerful and are doing amazing things as a band. God Bless you all :)

  28. Loved this and agree wholeheartedly….. =)

  29. Laurie says:

    I just give up on all this!

    • Holly says:

      Thank you so much Ruben…great message! To Laurie (11/1/12 @9:36) Giving up is not necessarily a bad thing! Remember, all we have to do is pursue God and wait on Him. It is when I finally gave up trying to make a relationship happen for me, that God introduced my husband to me. You don’t have to DO anything but love God and seek after Him.
      Lots of Love!!

  30. Louise says:

    This made me laugh and cry. I loved it!!

  31. Allyson Arras says:

    Czech it out! Really loved this! Thanks for sharing Ruben! I’ve been thinking a lot like this lately and it’s cool to see it come from a guys perspective:) boom!

  32. Leah says:

    Loved it! Thank you SO very much for ALL the info!!

  33. Lisa Byles says:

    Amen to your blog! I am so encouraged to
    read your words and know that there are young men on the right path following God’s
    Word and honoring Him in their walk. I pray for Tenth Ave North to continue to be strong
    in mind, body and spirit, and God’s love and grace to shine through them. Abundant blessings!!:)

  34. Casey says:

    Fantastically well-written and right on point! Thanks Ruben.

  35. John D. says:

    I’m thinking you have some strange prejudices towards non-Christians. There are plenty of Jews, Muslims, atheists, etc., who are not solely interested in women physically; they are also interested in the girl’s heart and mind. Their religious beliefs have no bearing on that. Please don’t be so dismissive in your attitudes towards men outside your faith.

  36. Shea says:

    Just saw you guys in Clearwater tonight. You all are not only extremely musically talented, but extremely focused on Jesus as well. Thank you for an amazing night of worship. Also I read your entire post. I’ve been looking for Mr. perfection for way too long now. I like what you said about Jesus proposing with a ring. Thank you for reminding me that Jesus is all I need.

  37. Reblogged this on Im the One and Only Me and commented:
    Wow! I really think that all girls need to hear this. Ive seen so many girls in the past year chasing after men thinking that doing so will get them a boyfriend. It breaks my heart to see girls giving up themselves and in return getting their hearts broken.
    I wish that I could just get it through their heads that giving up themselves for a man who just wants a physical relationship will only leave them feeling hurt and abandoned.
    Trust me I’ve tried chasing after guys thinking that if I put myself out there then I’ll find Mr. Right but that’s just not the case. I’ve learned to just give up and let God handle it because He knows your perfect match.
    To all the women reading this:
    Dont settle for less than the best God has in store for you! If he doesn’t see that amazing person that you are then he isn’t worth your time. Be patient God will bring the right man into your life at just the right time.

  38. Ruth P.K says:

    Humourously captivating:) . Best blog on this kinda subject I’ve ever read!. Awesome job, thanks Rubes.

  39. Greta says:

    I am finding it a little bit awkward that men in their 30’s are on here. Especially commenting! I’m not meaning to be rude but Ruben had a point when saying “Readers of the female gender”! It’s a little bit awkward for a teenage girl like me to know that there are middle age men on here reading the posts/comments, and then criticizing them! Not meaning to offend anyone but it seems a little inappropriate.

  40. Jessica says:

    This was a really fun read, but more importantly, really good points, number one being: God is the focal point. In my life now, and in any relationships with guys in the future. Thanks Ruben!

  41. Diane says:

    I was not going to read this because I was kind of confused by the title, but I am so glad I did. I once cried a whole day, I mean for five minutes because I was convinced that no man will ever pursue me or choose me. What do you do with a thought like that…you pray, hard. God pursues me, and chooses me over everything, that is what I have learned from those tears. Tears will come and go always but one thing I can be assured of is that God loves me. God will never stop pursuing me. What God has promised me is better than an engagement ring…His love is the best accessory to have! God knows my desire for a godly man to serve HIM with and do go through this life with…God is a faithful God and I trust Him with my whole heart to not only come through for me in this area, but to bless me in this area even more than I could ever imagine!!!!

    Thank you for being concerned with the things the Lord is concerned with…our hearts and desiring to help us all guard them until the man with the key to our heart comes along one day!

  42. Sarah says:

    Thank you for this post Ruben! 1st of all, that had some good humor in it, I loved it! 2nd, it’s really nice to hear all of that from a guy. It hits home harder.
    I was in a relationship that was basically what you described as a wrong one for 2 years. He was a Christian and went to church and stuff, but didn’t try very hard to lead me to God. He was too busy playing video games and watching TV. I tried to get him to pray with me and stuff, and he did a little, but I could tell something was wrong with the whole situation. I was so scared of being single again, I kept making excuses for him and thinking stuff like “Oh, he’ll learn eventually. He’ll change.” He did change.. he ended up hooking up with another girl while we were breaking up. He stopped caring, stopped pursuing me, long before I stopped pursuing him, but somehow I just denied the whole thing. Now that I’ve been single for 3 months, it’s such a relief to not have to worry about all the little stupid things that caused so many arguments in the relationship. I’m trying to focus on God and get closer to Him before I worry about another guy, but the break up is still hard because I run into my ex on campus, once even with his new girlfriend. But now I see how wrong that relationship was and I know what to be looking for a little better. So thank you for this post because it reassured me that the breakup was the right move and that there’s good guys out there! :)

  43. modestybecomesme says:

    Beautifully said and believe me, it’s not only the ambitious girls or bad girls that attract unwanted attention. Sometimes guys just think that you are sweet and vulnerable and want to try their luck, which is why I am ever thankful for my God who has promised that He will be with me always, even unto the end and that He will keep me from all harm :)

  44. Isabella says:

    Well, Ruben, very interesting. The part that said, “… a boy in high-school doesn’t have business chasing a girl. Why not? Because he probs does even know how to wash his own clothes yet.” -really cracked me up so I choked on my doughnut. Lol, but it was very deep and I think I connected with it.

    But what do I tell my friends when their in Gr 7 and 8 and they’ve dated more than a high school student?? What do I say? They complain and stuff, but I think they don’t wanna hear it, plain and simple. How do I spread the Word when people don’t listen??

  45. Diana H. says:

    Well done.

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