Sexually Abused

14

September 20, 2012 by A Girl Like Me

A beautiful thing about this blog is that it reaches into your personal space.  It can sit with you in your bedroom and speak to you when I physically cannot.  It can reach to your secret places within and bring a spark of hope.  I wish that I could see each one of you face to face, sit in your home, and just talk.  Cry.  And confess.  That, however, is not a reality… so it brings me such joy in knowing that words on a page can reach you right where you are and bring life to dead places.  I know that there are some of you who have been sexually abused.  Some of you have named it so, and some of you may not have really known it for what it was.  My dear friend Jenna has been a victim of this evil act and she has come out on the other side shinning with the love of Christ.  My hope for you is that you too will find life again, and I know her words will be enlightening and encouraging to those who have suffered such great pain.  It’s sensitive and it’s real.

Jenna’s Story

DisclaimerWhenever talking about the nature of sexual abuse we are walking on sacred ground.  This topic brings to bear a weightiness that asks your heart to be examined. One word that I have become familiar with is self-care… if you are already in an unstable place it might not be helpful for you to continue reading.  Ask yourself the question, “What does self-care look like for me right now?” It may be that you go call a friend and share your heart with them, it might look like sitting outside with your favorite book and a cup of tea or coffee, or it might be that you continuing to read on. As your eyes take in line by line what is held on your screen, you may realize for the first time that you were sexually abused. Many people go their entire lives without ever naming their abuse.  Mostly because they had no idea that when their childhood friend convinced them to  get naked and play a “game,” they were being sexually abused.  People assume that if they were “compliant” or didn’t stop “it” from happening that they too are responsible. It’s about the narrative of the story and how you came to the place where your sexuality was first marked– for better or for worse. And for those of you who come to find that you were sexually abused or for those of you who already know that you were sexually abused, but never opened yourself up to engage the harm committed against you, there is hope. One of the most profound things I ever learned in Graduate School was that Christ had to stand at the footsteps of hell before he could ever be resurrected. Out of suffering comes life, but you must first allow God to take you to those places of darkness so he can restore what was taken from you.  So breathe… this might hurt.

 
I write as a survivor of sexual abuse, I write as a someone who, as a little girl, suffered greatly at the hands of my abusers, and I write as a woman who returned to her memories of past abuse- to heal the little me that was left in a pool of fragmented confusion, contempt toward my body, and a distrust of men, woman and God- and invited God as well as my counselor into those places of torment to help me redefine my understanding of the traumatic events that occurred and to deepen my understanding of who I am as one who has been forgiven and one who forgives.  And this process, it took me years to walk through; and at times I still reenter my darkness so God can continue to bring more healing to the places where love was lost.
In order to talk about sexual abuse, it must first be defined:
Sexual abuse is any contact or interaction (visual, verbal, or psychological) between a child/adolescent and an adult when the child/adolescent is being used for the sexual stimulation of the perpetrator or any other person.   Sexual abuse may be committed by a person under the age of eighteen when that person is significantly older than the victim or when the perpetrator is in a position of power and control over the victimized child/adolescent. When the sexual abuse is perpetrated by an adult or older child who is a blood or legal relative, it constitutes incest, or intrafamilial sexual abuse. – Dr. Dan Allender The Wounded Heart
 
Sexual abuse ranges on a spectrum of least severe, to severe, to most severe. The level of trauma that occurs is due to a number of different factors including the relationship to the perpetrator, the severity of the intrusion, use of violence, age of the perpetrator, and the duration of the abuse.  No matter how a person was violated the point that needs to be acknowledged is that sexual abuse is damaging. And be aware that one of Satan’s tactics against your soul is to obscure the subtleties of sexual abuse and have you deny the impact that the abuse had on your heart. It is true, however, that a person whose dad used them as a surrogate spouse (confidant, ally, intimate friend) will experience less trauma than a person who was raped by her brother. To deconstruct more specifically the severity of abuse, I will use portions of my story to give examples, starting with Least Severe.
Least Severe. I had a teacher in High School who would playfully say things to me with a smile on his face like, “Sometimes I can’t even look at you because you remind me so much of my ex-wife, and she is a beautiful woman.” Statements like this create confusion. Something about his comment felt good, it was a compliment? But this compliment was laced with a tone of desire and disgust.  The complex underlying messages were, “You are so dangerous that I must look away,” and “I had sex with a beautiful woman who looks just like you.” He compared me, a fifteen year old girl, to his adult former wife. This man was my teacher, he was in a position of authority over me. At the time, his words didn’t seem all that harmful especially because there was a thread of kindness that awakened my adolescent heart, yet his desire for me had been perverted and crossed the boundaries of a teacher student relationship.  Unknowingly, deceit and betrayal had occurred, but as time went on the nuances of the abuse increased and became more overt. A few weeks later my parents sat me down in our living room to discuss what was going on with me and this teacher.  Again, confusion warped my perception of reality. I felt shocked, a sense of shame and rage aggressively turned inside of me. My parents shared that this teacher confronted the Principal and explained that I was inappropriate with him, that he would see me in the hallways and I would be dressed fine, but when I would show up to his classroom my clothing was more revealing. Do you see it? Do you hear the setup? In the interactions we had he had approached me, yet I was the one that was named as the seducer.  I finished my semester in his class with my head down and a sense of contempt both toward myself and toward him.  Three years later, as a senior and never interacting with this teacher again, I was walking in the hallway and I saw his face.  He was moving directly toward me, he looked at me and said, “I just have to tell you, you are one of the most, if not the most, beautiful girl in the entire school.”  I smiled and said, “Thank you.”  That compliment was direct, straight forward, and at the very onset felt nice.  But then his words dropped down inside my soul and anger filled my lungs and I wanted to scream at him. And I wanted to cry.  I had been falsely accused. For three years I bore the weight of responsibility for his desire toward me. And in that moment he revealed what was in his heart all along, he was attracted me and he used his position of power to control and manipulate the circumstances. He shamed me for what he feared most within himself.
Again this story of Sexual Abuse is on the spectrum of least severe, I was never touched by my teacher, He never specifically said anything sexual in nature, but there was psychological component to this abuse that subtly and sexually violated the teacher/student boundary.  He never should have invited me into his personal struggle with my likeness to his beautiful ex-wife and he should have gotten help for what he was feeling toward me rather than blaming me for his desire. And the Principal as well as my parents should have addressed the situation differently.  Had they been more curious, had they asked more questions my heart would have been defended and I would not have been the bearer of his shame.
When I think about my history of sexual abuse, this memory is not what comes to mind.  It is easy for me to dismiss this story as merely a shameful memory. It is easy for me to think that this exchange had no lasting affect on my heart, but the truth is his betrayal was damaging.  Had this been my only experience of abuse, I might have reacted differently and the betrayal would have seemed far greater or maybe not, but there were marks that raged war on my soul long before this experience ever took place which the enemy used to further deepen my wounds. I absorbed the word dangerous and agreed that my beauty made people hurt me. I also questioned the role I played, not only in that abusive experience, but also in other experiences where I was previously sexually abused.  I wondered if every time that I was sexually abused if the abuse was my fault, I blamed myself for momentarily enjoying his attraction to me, and I blamed myself for being the seducer.  So to minimize this experience, I would be aligning with Satan, the one who disguises himself as the angel of light, and I would fail to see how I colluded with darkness and agreed with my abusers.
Severe. When I was twelve… my older sister met an attractive guy on our family vacation.  A few months later he stayed the night at our house on his way to massage therapy school in Hawaii. That night he had given my sister a massage while we were all in the family room. Soon after, everyone began to go to bed until it was just the two of us sitting on the couch watching TV. He then asked me if I wanted a massage too.  I turned my back toward him, as a yes to his question, and he began gently rubbing my shoulders and talking.  Talking about how much he cared for my sister… how amazing Hawaii is— essentially he was telling me to relax.  All of a sudden I began to question, as his hands wondered off my back, if what he was doing was still part of the massage. Confusion.  My thoughts were, “But he likes my sister and is talking about his feelings for her… he couldn’t possibly be trying to do something with me. I don’t understand what’s going on.  Is this how they give massages in Hawaii?”   His ability to confuse and manipulate was brilliant. As his touch continued to progress it became more violent. The pain became unbearable and I abruptly stood up. Told him I was tired. Turned off the television and walked up stairs to my bedroom. He followed behind.  When I grabbed the handle of my bedroom door he whispered, “Hey, give me a hug goodnight.”  I turned toward him, still confused as to what just happened, and opened my arms.  When we hugged he softly spoke in my ear, “That’s why you’re such a slut—because you don’t know how to say no.”
It took me six months to go through this traumatic story in therapy.  When I imagined myself back in my twelve year old body I was embarrassed and ashamed to tell the end of what happened that night. I believed that I wanted this guy to abuse me because I didn’t leave sooner.  I thought if I was able to stand up and walk away then why did I stay till the pain of his touch became too painful? I was only twelve; of course I wanted to feel cared for by this older guy.  It would have taken an act of God or my parents to walk down the stairs to pull me away from this man.  For a moment I wanted to be in his arms, so I took his blame as truth. However, when I got to the end of this story again in therapy, truth broke through.  I realized I did say no! I did stand up and I walked away! My anger had been misplaced for years toward myself and toward men, but never directed to the one who abused and marked me.
One of the most difficult things about sexual abuse that I’ve had acknowledge within my own my life is… No matter how harmful the abuse, how prolonged the abuse how gentle or violent the abuse… over the course of your life you will cause yourself more harm than the harm that was originally committed against you.
Repenting of the harm I caused myself and grieving the truth of what happened brought me much freedom. It moved me from a place of violence toward my body to a sense of kindness toward my heart. And there is something about this kindness that invites ourselves to be reconciled back to Christ.  When we experience the sweetness of reconciliation, of this returning home to a loving God who embraces all of who we are, it allows us to offer this forgiveness, this love, to those who have harmed us. Nothing disarms evil more than the act of extending forgiveness to a person who did nothing to deserve it.  This is why the love of God is so powerful. This Love can touch places inside of us that cruelty never could.  And sometimes cruelty is more preferable because this Love, God’s love, disarms us and calls us to surrender. To surrender the ways that we have protected ourselves, and deadened our hearts, in order to never again be hurt. Ephesians 4:32 says, “Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another as Christ for gave you.”  And may you know, forgiveness is a process.  It may take years until you are ready to forgive, but getting to that place requires a willingness to reawaken your heart so that it may beat tenderly once again.
 But when anything is exposed by light, it becomes visible, for anything that becomes visible is light, Therefore it says,
                                         Awake, O sleeper,
                                         and arise from the dead
                                         and Christ will shine on you. -Ephesians 5:13-14
Most Severe. When I was fourteen, I was raped.  The day before I moved from California to Florida was one of the worst days of my life.  California bore the marks of much pain and loss in my life and Florida… Florida was going to provide the glorious back drop of a new hope. But my hope shattered and burned to the ground before me. Part of my heart died that day when I was forced into powerlessness and betrayal.
I imagine you have questions like, “if God is Love then how can he allow such horrific things to happen to his children?” Or something like that. What I do know is, fourteen years later I have the privilege of sharing portions of my life with you because what evil intends for harm, God uses for good.  Whatever your story is, whatever the burdens you may carry, Christ has the power to resuscitate your deadened heart and breathe life back into your lungs so that you may laugh, play, delight and love once again.

When we allow our experience, no matter how big or small, to fester deep within the depths of our heart, in a portion we think is “safe.” Where space and time is allowed to convince us that it was either lesser than we believed at the time, or what happened is better left in the dark, we invite fear to root itself.  And fear…..changes everything.  Fear is one of the most destructive strongholds one can posess.  If we allow fear to take hold of us, the abundant life we were created for is held hostage.  Held hostage by us, because now that fear is a factor… every decision we will make from this point on will be filtered consciously or unconsciously through it.  How we relate to others, how we interact in everyday life. People and things we allow or do not allow in our lives can all be products of the fear of truth.  Fear festers into shame, guilt, self-doubt, which then morphs into self-hatred and if continued to be locked up almost always instantaneously changes our perspective of God.  When we allow ourselves to only process through this tremendous life hurt by ourselves we are susceptible to accepting lies as truth.  We can quickly lose sight of the truth that
God is a loving God, who “CARES” for His children.
God knows you…personally.  He’s not accusing you of anything, he is not angry with you for what happened… he wants to give you his mercy.  When allowed to penetrate the heart there is peace in understanding that God already knows your heart.

Psalms139:1-5
O Lord, you have searched me and known me!
You know when I sit down and when I rise up;
you discern my thoughts from afar.
You search out my path and my lying down
and are acquainted with all my ways.
Even before a word is on my tongue,
behold, O Lord, you know it altogether.
You hem me in, behind and before,
and lay your hand upon me.
God is a refuge for those who have been offended, not someone to fear.  He offers us a safe place.
Psalms 9:9 The LORD also will be a refuge for the oppressed, a refuge in times of trouble.

Psalm 27:1 The LORD is my light and my salvation—whom shall I fear?
The LORD is the stronghold of my life. And yet, there are a number of accusations that we can make against our Father God, out of confusion… but fear keeps us from going to the very source that is our only source of freedom.
The process of healing… though it may sound simple for something that feels so complex
  • Pray. Invite God into your situation and ask him to search your heart and reveal to you the healing work he wants to do in your life… have a conversation with him, journal what’s on your heart and wait, listen for the Holy Spirit’s response
  • Read the Bible. Hebrews 4:12-13 says, “For the word of God is living and active, sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing to the division of soul and of spirit, of joints and of marrow, and discerning the thoughts and intentions of the heart. And no creature is hidden from his sight, but all are naked and exposed to the eyes of him to whom we must give account.”  Allow the word of God to bring a sense of awe and wonder to your life.  When we’re curious and we look for our questions in scripture it brings back to a place where we can locate God.
  • Surround yourself in community. Whether that’s in a group counseling setting with others who are going through the same thing as you, joining a church, inviting your safe friends to converse with you about what you’re holding in your heart, etc.  Ask others if they know of places for you to get help. (One book I would strongly recommend is The Wounded Heart and The Wounded Heart Workbook both by Dr. Dan Allender
  • For those of you who have experienced sexual abuse I strongly encourage you to seek Counseling with someone who specializes in sexual abuse! I went to counseling for three years and it was the best gift I could have ever given myself!

When you begin to put language to the unsayable… when you name that which you had no names for, you open your heart up to a God who has been graciously awaiting for your return. By returning to the past and putting words to the suffering you survived… you get to reorient your future from death to Life from despair to Hope. And in these moments when you illuminate the darkness you create the space for the Kingdom of God to come to the earth and transform your life. 

I wish I could take language
And fold it like cool, moist rags.
I would lay words on your forehead.
I would wrap words on your wrists.
“There, there,” my words would say-
Or something better.
I would ask them to murmur,
“Hush” and “Shh, shh, it’s all right.”
I would ask them to hold you all night.
I wish I could take language
And daub and soothe and cool
Where fever blisters and burns,
Where fever turns yourself against you.
I wish I could take language
And heal the words that were the wounds
You have no names for.
Words For It
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                 Julia Cameron

 

14 thoughts on “Sexually Abused

  1. Liza Kittle says:

    Another awesome blogpost ladies. You are making such a difference in young girl’s minds. I know a book that also helped my daughter with some of these topics was “Every Young Women’s Battle” . Forgot the author but it’s a series you might recognize. It is great. Thanks again for speaking so delicately about this horrific subject that can have life-long affects and that Jesus holds the key to healing and freedom.
    Liza Kittle

  2. Wow. This peace was very well done and will help educate people very well. This is not a easy topic, but one that is not address enough in our world with satistics like 3 in every 10 girl under the age 18 will be sexually abused. Been a survior who never told anyone for 25 years it is better to face the darkness knowing that God is standing there with his arms wrapped around you. Facing the impact that this has on your life spiritually and just in the realm out side of that just makes a difference in understanding who you and that this does not define who you are. Finding a palace that specializes in this topic to get help is important. It may seem hard to understand that you are not alone in this sometimes, because it is not something addressed in our world very often. However I think that while my individual therapy helped out in its own way, the best step I took to starting the healing process way going to group therapy. In doing so realizing that while we all had our own story, but that we had all lost the control in our life when this happen to us and in that understanding that it was not our fault what happen to us. In everything that I went through from both the abuse as a child and being raped 2 years ago in the darkness I have found a closer relationship with God through that and finding the light on the other side.

    A good organization to google for this topic is Rainn. It has many resources.

    Thanks for covering this, we all need it.

    Sara

  3. Lisa says:

    thanks so much Jenna for sharing your story!!

  4. Thank you Jenna for being so brave as to post this for others to learn from. I was never sexually abused as a child, but many of my friends were. I think the statistic is 1 in 4 women will be sexually abused at some point in their life. I did have an incident with my ex, but some people consider if sexual abuse & others say you cannot rape your partner/spouse. My son’s father & I had had a very rocky relationship, and we had been together for about 5 years. The last year we did not have sex at all because we had come to the point of that brother/sister/room mate type of relationship. Well actually it’s because the last time we had sex I cried all the way through it because I did not want to do it. It’s not that he didn’t want to have sex, I was just done with him. We were still living together & I just didn’t know how to kick him out. I was only 16 when we started dating & I got pregnant, so I was about 20 when this happened. He came in the bedroom & started fondling me in I guess a normal way at first, but then it became in a rude manner. He threw me on the bed and all the thoughts from the last encounter flooded my brain..I immediately went into defense mode because he would not get off of me. That fight turned physical just as my 3 year old son walked into the room. That was the last day my ex and I were together. Was it rape? I don’t know…but I do know that obviously no one had ever taught him how to control those impulses, and to know when it’s not right. A lot of guys are like that. We now have a good relationship, and I am married to someone else. We get along fine for the most part, and I have forgiven him. I would never go back to that though. Those feelings have carried over into my current marriage, and at times I am afraid my husband is going to behave the same way. I have issues with sex, and so does he. I want it less probably because of what happened to me, and he wants it more. So if you’re reading this and your past is haunting your present, like mine I pray that God will restore you. Please pray that he restores me. I also want to tell you about a boyfriend I had between my ex and my husband. He was a sex offender. When we first started dating I did not know that. He was 20 and at a party with some friends. There was a 14 year old girl there (whose dad was drunk, and mother was very promiscuous) and my ex was also drunk. Well one thing led to another and that 14 year old girl got pregnant that night. The sick thing is that the mother did not press charges on my ex until AFTER he would NOT sleep with her too! That is how disturbed our society can be! I was with that guy on & off for 2 years. I now look back on it & realize he had a problem. He was also on drugs. He always wanted to be surrounded by teenagers even though he was in his 20’s. It’s like he felt popular or something. Looking back I cannot believe my self esteem was so low I would tolerate that, but it is what it is. This was all before I got Saved, and I have changed so much! I know now that I don’t need a guy to be happy. All I need is God. So my question for you all is this: is it rape if you’re married or in a relationship?

  5. hbkelley says:

    As far as your question to is it rape if you are married or in a relationship. The answer is absolutely in every way shape and form YES! Rape is rape regardless of the context. If you do not consent, it is RAPE! It is more common than most of society will ever admit. I hope this website leads you to further answers.

    http://www.rainn.org/public-policy/sexual-assault-issues/marital-rape

  6. Emily says:

    Thank you for posting this. Thank you for your honesty and encouragement. Thank you for mentioning that we don’t have to live in fear. My personal experience with this was more like a CSI episode that ended with me still having breath in my lungs. My assailant was a stranger to me, but afterwards I struggled with fear and major anxiety for years. I was terrified of every man I saw. It was horrible. But God, in His great faithfulness walked me through that season. He brought me through it and He healed my fears. I am happy to say that after a lot of counseling, prayer, and scripture, I am healed. Glory to God! Take hope if you are struggling through it, He will see you through.

  7. Stefani says:

    I was sexually harassed while I was working at an engineering firm for a summer internship. It was my second summer there. There was this older man who took an interest in me and I was young and naive. About 18 years old. At first it was completely innocent. Harmless.

    One day he asked me if I could give him a ride to his car, he even said he shouldn’t be asking and I didn’t have too. But I did not see anything wrong with it. So I am young and am not fond of interstates and we had to get onto one to get there, and I foolishly made a comment of, “I’m nervous, I normally do not drive on interstates.” He said “Don’t worry all you have to do is accelerate” as he places a hand on my upper thigh and pushes down on my right leg as if to make me accelerate. I had no idea what to do, and I was terrified and in shock. I did what I do best and just did nothing, no reaction just ignored it.

    So after he got out of the car I was thrilled I could leave, all the while I felt so stupid and naive. But now I knew. I knew and had to stay away at all costs. I started walking in a different door at work so I wouldn’t pass his cubical exiting and entering. I would avoid his hallway at all costs. Eventually he started smoking when it was time for me to leave and I couldn’t get away from that, he started saying comments about my looks physically. I caught him undressing me with his eyes, giving me looks of desire and it was creepy and disgusting. He said one day as I was leaving and he was smoking, “I bet you have nice legs, why is it you never wear skirts?” I lied and said “I don’t like skirts” and made a mental note to NEVER EVER wear a skirt or anything that shows my legs.

    Eventually he caught me walking in and out of a different door and confronted me as I was leaving on day. He asked “Did I do something to make you mad?” Again, I lied and said, “No, if you did, You’d Know it”.

    I felt trapped, I felt like I couldn’t tell anyone because my father worked there. we all know how fathers are, I didn’t want him to lose his job or do something he shouldn’t. And if I said something, he’d be told. I just knew it, not to mention the company was in lean times looking for people to let go. My dad lost his job before and couldn’t find work for a year. But if I am honest, I felt like I asked for it because I did give him a ride. Even though my dad saw the interaction, probably saw the way he looked at me and I didn’t see it and accepted the request by the ride, ergo giving him permission or an invitation. So even if I did tell someone or report him at work I wouldn’t have a leg to stand on. I think I still believe that to this day. And I still CAN NOT wear skirts unless they are floor length or I have boots that cover the distance so that no leg is shown. And I am still ashamed for being so blind. Or was it innocence that kept me blind?

  8. Hope says:

    Thank you girls for this amazing insight into such guarded topic that is so important in our lives. I can identify with this particular piece and your other posts on sex. In my 25years on earth am only now attributing my experiences from when I can remember it at 4 years old to sexual abuse, I was so angered because it took away my innocence and of cos led to sexual sins of different kinds. I am only just putting all this together and am too wrecked to even pray about this issues :( I really want to and I will as all of your pieces has given me that push but am still struggling….Can I be totally free to be that girl after his heart?! Can I pray that prayer?! I really want to be free!!!!

    • hbkelley says:

      Hope, the beauty of God’s grace is found in the fact that we can come to him in utter brokenness, anger, fear, regret, resentment and so forth. In fact, he CALLS the broken…hear that he calls the BROKEN. If we came to him perfect, we would fail to see his strength, sight and unconditional love.
      Be wrecked in your prayers, be wrecked in your anger, be wrecked in your emotions, and be wrecked in him. Find yourself in his sweet sweet presence, and find yourself in his arms.

  9. I have no idea where to turn. I was sexually abused from age 11 to 15. I am now 16, thankfully free but I just don’t know where to go. I’m lost. I’m deaf. my father took advantage of that. Please help. Just please

    • Emily says:

      I am not a professional, but if you want to talk to someone right now I would suggest the organization RAINN. You can go here: http://apps.rainn.org/ohl-bridge/ to talk to someone online or there is also a phone number. I’m truly sorry this happened to you and I will be praying for you. Jenna’s suggestions for prayer, going to the scriptures, involving yourself in the community, and seeking counseling are excellent. I strongly suggest you follow her advice about each of these. Remember that God can and will walk through this with you. He is by your side and He knows everything that’s happened. A scripture that really helped me in my healing process was John 14:27. In that verse Jesus says: “Peace I leave with you; My peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your heart be troubled and do not be afraid.”

    • I hate that this happened to you, and by someone who is supposed to be a protector makes it even worse. One of my best friends growing up went through the same thing, and her father also molested several of our friends. My first question is do you have any adults around that you trust, that would believe you? My friend’s own mother did not believe her, and that’s the reason this man molested so many young girls. My second question is do you have a school counselor? If you do not have a close adult relative you feel you can trust with this information then go straight to your school counselor. Your counselor will know how to handle the situation without putting you in danger. PLEASE do this, because if not your father will go on doing this to others. It’s an illness, and your father needs help…even if that means prison. The devil uses so many evil spirits to ruin our lives, and a sexual predator is just that. My heart goes out to you because I’ve seen what this type of situation does. I am so proud that you are reaching out on here, that is a very big step! You are God’s child, and NO ONE deserved to go through this! I wish I was near you because I would come scoop you up & protect you the best I could, but don’t worry…you have a Father greater than ALL earthly fathers, and that’s God! God will make sure justice is prevailed, one way or another..but it may not be as fast as we would like. You need a support system, and you have one right here! If you ever need to talk please email me. I will try to help you as best I can. winter@hickoryridgechurch.com Also, about my friend’s father…one of my friends went to court against him, but the others parents wouldn’t let them testify because they were “embarassed” it happened! My friend that did testify was very brave! He didn’t do jail time that time, but he was put on probation & labeled a sex offender. Several years later his younger daughter’s friends came forward saying he was molesting them, and this time he did go to prison. He was in for a few years, and then out on probation. He is now a sexual predator. The sad thing is, his wife is still with him. Had everyone testified against him the FIRST time he would have been in prison instead of molesting more little girls. He’s not allowed around children now, so I hope that helps. Please tell someone, you can be the protector of future girls! I am praying for you!!!

  10. Yes, my mom and close familia do believe me, I have reached out. They know almost everything except what I have oppressed from my memory. At this point in my life, I don’t think it’s a good idea to press charges. I believe others knowing is enough because he is extremely prideful.

    I’m safe for now but I know for the rest of my life, I’ll need protection, which I am already figuring out. I just have all these emotions and thoughts and doubts and fears and hurt….I just feel so lost and unworthy. That verse helped a ton.

    Community is kind of not an option as a deafie. I have most of my life online or in my phone. Right now, I’m the only one who has come clean though there are hints I am not the first. I always fought back somehow, I did reach out once but I was betrayed by that adult. He never got all the way with me, I always managed to get away before he could ever do that.

    Thank you. I will be emailing you..
    I’m pngsaxin@yahoo.com

  11. Elizabeth says:

    Thank you for giving me clarity to find healing.

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