A Beautiful Purpose


September 13, 2012 by A Girl Like Me

The sun is shining, my windows are open and the smell of fresh cut grass is flowing through my windows.  It’s the first time in a while that we have been able to let the fresh air in our home after such a long super hot summer.  I am tired of the sweaty arm pits, the thick air and the hot seat belts.  My favorite season is approaching.  The leaves will begin to turn shortly, the pumpkin spice latte has reached it’s debut at Starbucks, and the breezes have been kissing my face with the promise of change.  It brings a calm to my anxious soul and an excitement for newness.  Bring on the pumpkin patch, the hot apple cider, the smell of campfires and the cooler air!  Bring on the change in my heart, the guilt falling off my branches, and a new creation within me this season.  Our desire for you  this month is to experience change.  A change within yourself, within your soul and new eyes as you look upon sex.  Your heart is so precious to your heavenly Father and again His love is so true and so beautiful that He is looking upon you with grace in His eyes and arms ready to embrace you.  He is a sense of freshness in the midst of a trivial world.  You have been on a journey with us these last couple of weeks and have seen some of the ugly that can come when sex and lust root itself within us outside the boundaries that Christ sets.  Today I want to focus on the beauty.  The beautiful and glorious act that God has created and why He created it in the first place.  Let it draw us to His arms and change something within us.  Just maybe if we have a better understanding of the all encompassing beauty that comes from sex then a new desire will spring within us and bring fresh air into our heavy lungs.  A new perspective and a new season beckons us to again step forward in this journey all the while leaving shame and guilt in the dust.

We live in a world that tells us that we will find meaning and love and satisfaction in relationships, romance and sex.  And although it is true that there is momentarily pleasure in sex outside of the walls of marriage… there is no ultimate joy and gratification nor fulfillment in the desires that our hearts are ultimately looking for.  It remains just a physical act while all along it was meant for so much more!   God did not make sex for just pleasure or self expression.  Sex was God’s way to give yourself to someone so deeply that it results in personal transformation and completion.  There is a change that takes place.  There is a self commitment that needs to be had which deeply involves the entire person fully giving of ones entire self to whom they belong.   A difference between body and soul.  Without a whole self commitment… we will end up being dissatisfied and will continue to search for love in places that don’t fulfill.  We are desperate to know our life matters.  We want to know that we are valuable, that we have purpose, and that we are loved.  The self acceptance that we need as humans we have stopped looking to God and now look for in a love partner.  Right?  “It is inevitable that the human heart, which was made to be ravished by the supremacy of Christ, but instead is drowning in a sea of trivial entertainment, will reach for the best natural buzz that life can give: sex.  Therefore, the deepest cure to our little addictions is to fall in love with Jesus and to know God in all of His supreme fullness.   Knowing Him enlarges our soul so that sex and its little thrills become as small as they really are.  Little souls make little lusts have great power.  The soul, as it were, expands to encompass the magnitude of its treasure.  Our souls were made for Christ!!  Nothing else is big enough to fill us as God intended and make little lusts lose their power.”- John Piper  How beautiful… our souls were made to hold great treasure!  To hold beauty that far outweighs anything this world can offer.  We are special in what we can contain and that is beautiful.

The first time I can remember having a crush on a guy was in first grade!   First grade!!  Not to mention the guy who I had a crush on was in 5th grade!  Apparently I liked older guys back in the day. ;)  I remember writing him a love note and giving it to his teacher to give to him.  Was I crazy?  What did I think would happen… I was in 1st grade, he was so much older and wiser… what would he see in me?  ;) ha  The point is that the deepest parts of me longed for love and attention from such an early age.  And even then I sought after it in boys.  Not to mention I didn’t even hesitate in pursuing him.  This desperate state was placed in my heart from birth but was only created to draw me to the One who had the very love I was longing for.  As I grew older and entered high school there was always this underlining pressure to have a boyfriend.  And of course I wanted one because hello?!  My soul was still craving love and purpose.   All I knew is that  being physical with a guy was an immediate fix for my longing.  And the moment that the satisfaction wore off, which was always very soon after,  I would just go look for it all over again.  Growing up in a Christian home I knew sex outside of marriage was wrong.  But I don’t think I necessarily knew why it was wrong.  So I just figured as long as I don’t engage in intercourse than it really doesn’t matter all that much.  Well I’m here to tell you that it does.  Regardless of the sexual actions, whether it’s intercourse or whether its everything else… there is a bond that is created between you and that person.  There is a soul connection that is meant to be beautiful when it is in full self commitment.  I was not fully giving my whole self to that person, because there was always a way out.  I could hold on to my independence and leave when I was not feeling it anymore or stay if I continued to feel loved and continued to love him back.  It was so contingent on emotions.  There was nothing keeping us together… and so when my relationships would end my heart would crash into a million pieces because a bond was formed when I gave my body to him without me even knowing it.  You may have experienced a similar situation and you may know exactly how it feels to experience this kind of hurt.  I tell you this not to bring shame… because we know the truth behind that now don’t we?  But I tell you this to show you that there is this beautiful interwoven fabric in the heart of sex.  I tell you this to show you that sex is not the “end all be all”.  Here’s the irony- the greatest thing about sex is that its not the greatest thing.  It is not the ultimate but was created by the ultimate.  That is why we are left always feeling empty.  This bond can become the best thing that has ever happened to you when it’s created in the walls of real commitment.  And whether you are single or married we can all experience this bond with God.

Genesis 1:27-28- ” So God created man in his own image, in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them.”  He created us with the capacity for intense sexual pleasure and with a calling to commitment in marriage and self control in singleness.  We were designed to desire sex.  It’s a gift and a blessing.  The ultimate reason God created sexual desire and sex itself is to make God more deeply knowable!  We were made to see and savor with everlasting satisfaction the supremacy of Christ.  Our sexuality points to this, and our sexuality is purified by this.  We must know Him in order to experience our sexuality as sacred and sweet and Christ-exalting. There is a deepness and an intimacy to the relationship we can have with God that I think to this day I’m still figuring out.   I can see that I haven’t even begun to scratch the surface to the beauty of my relationship with my heavenly Husband.

The following verses I want to share with you may make you blush.. ;)  At first you’ll be like…’ what on earth Kelly!’  But I want you to take the words in and open your heart to the profound message they’re saying.  It is a beautiful love story between God and us and literally brings me to my knees in amazement at the mercy of God’s hand on my life.

Ezekiel 16:4-9-  Remember.. open heart.  This is God speaking to you- ”  And as for your birth, on the day you were born your cord was not cut, nor were you washed with water to cleanse you, nor rubbed with salt, nor wrapped in swaddling cloths.  No eye pitied you, to do any of these things to you out of compassion for you, but you were cast out on the open field, for you were abhorred, on the day that you were born.  And when I passed by you and saw you wallowing in your blood, I said to you…’LIVE CHILD! … Live!  I made you flourish like a plant of the field.  And you grew up and became tall and arrived at full adornment.  Your breasts were formed, and your hair had grown; yet you were naked and bare.  When I passed by you again and saw you, behold, you were at the age for love, and I spread the corner of my garment over you and covered your nakedness; I made my vow to you and entered into a covenant with you, declared the Lord God, and you became mine!!  Then I bathed you with water and washed off your blood from you and anointed you with oil.”

My dear girls…let me break this down for you.  You were born a sinner.  You were born into a world of sin and you were covered in your own shame.  But when God saw you and drew himself to you HE BROUGHT YOU TO LIFE!  It was never us reaching up to Him… but Him reaching down to us.  It was never you who decided to surrender to Him.. but Him drawing you to surrender to Himself.  He saw you for who you really were and yet brought you to life.  And thats not all… he covered your shame and He made a covenant with you…a commitment… you became His bride.  You finally belonged to someone and it was Himself.  There was a beautiful bond formed between you and God.  A bond that can never be broken.  And after this bond had been made between you and God… He then bathed you with water and washed off your blood- your filth, your ugliness, your sin- and anointed you!!!  Are you hearing this??  You. Are. the bride of Christ.  And you have been made alive in the midst of your sin.  And you have been bought with a price.  The Son of God dying so that you might live.  And you are now made royalty.  ” Your beauty was perfect through the splendor that I had bestowed on you, declares the Lord God”-  God has made you so beautiful.  And has made your relationship with Him, your true husband, so beautiful.   Ahhh…. If this doesn’t bring you to complete gratitude and love for God…than reread it.  And then read it again… however many times it takes to sink in to your desperate heart.

You will then see if you continue to read on in Ezekiel (and I encourage you to do so) that after all of that, we become faithless to our covenant with God and give ourselves to other men.  We forget the covenant made between our rescuer and ourselves.  There is then judgment because God is a just God.  However, the end of the story shows that God not only gives us over to our sexual sin… but then also takes us back!!   HE TAKES YOU BACK!  And the Bible calls it marriage.  It is God saying a vow to you similar to that we hear in a wedding ceremony.  He will protect you, love you, and promise to never leave your side.. in the good times, the rough times, through sickness and health… He will cherish you and ravish you.  And He will NEVER divorce you!   And the beauty of His vows is that He never ever breaks them and they don’t end at death but live on through eternity!  So even when we fail to keep our vows to Him.. He will continue to be faithful when we are faithless.  This, my friends, is why marriage is so vital in order to experience sex to its fullest capacity, ecstasy and enjoyment.   It is so much more than just a physical act… there is a holiness to it, a binding of oneself to another to bring glory and honor to our truest husband- God.  To keep the covenant that ultimately holds our life together.  Sex, within marriage, is also an act of thankfulness to God for His covenant to us when we were running to other lovers.  He made us His bride when we didn’t deserve it and when we’re playing the whore… because He loves us and wants a deep intimate relationship with us.  He rescued us from ourselves.  And as He bonds you to Himself, He has the power to break all other bonds.  Again, sex is meant to display the covenant of Christ taking us on as His bride, at the cost of His life, and holding fast to us in one Spirit union forever.  Beautiful.

So here I am, a now married woman, who wishes I had seen before the all encompassing beauty that sex was designed for.  And although I am married to an amazing man, he still cannot fill all of my deepest voids.  My heart was created ultimately for my rescuer and redeemer.  I will never be fully satisfied until I am fully satisfied in Christ.  May this beautiful and precious gift of Himself be what drives us to honor His commands.  We can now turn our eyes from what we were standing up against and turn our eyes onto what we are standing for.  We are standing for the covenant made to us by our true Husband.  The covenant that will never be broken, will always take us back, and will always bring a quenching  to our thirsty hearts in a land that is dry and can only offer temporary fixes.  This covenant has the power to make you a new creation.  The old has gone, the new has come.- 2 Cor. 5:17  Dear friends… you were made for so much more than the physical act.  You were made to know God and that is far more satisfying and breathtaking than sex itself.  You have already been made a bride and can live secure in knowing that you will always be cherished, loved and pursued.  His commitment to you is sealed and can never be broken no matter what you have done and what you will do with your body.  Human sexuality is the dim reflection of what its going to be like to fall into the arms of Christ on the final days.  If sex is just a glimpse of it and it’s so amazing… what must it be like to finally get the lover our hearts are searching for?  Simply Beautiful.

16 thoughts on “A Beautiful Purpose

  1. Nelly says:

    Beautifully written!

  2. Lisa says:

    wow..just wow…..incredible thoughts to meditate on today

  3. I am getting sleepy just thinking about all this sex talk…….LOL (I know you Moms will totally get this!) Thanks for the post Kelly, and it’s so true. I wish I had known that sex was so much more than a physical thing back when I was single….and now that I’m married I think I tend to take it for granted also. It’s just so hard to focus on it when I’m so frustrated with my husband, or the kids have been acting up all day. People kept telling me it would get better when I’m in my 30’s, but here I am…33 years old & it’s still not that important to me…lol I think for me it will become important when I’m an empty-nester, and my kids are grown….which sucks for my husband because our youngest is only 4…LOL I wish I would have been a Christian when I got married so that I could have better understood our vows, because let’s face it- guys have needs…and we’re supposed to fulfill them, right? My question is this though: what are we supposed to do when our spouse’s sexual needs are just overwhelming? No one ever talked to me about that part of marriage. All my Mom ever said was guys need sex, and they’re gonna get it one way or another. That doesn’t help! lol I think it’s important to discuss sex before marriage with your partner….get an idea of how they feel about it, and to see if you would be compatible or not. Some people just don’t mesh well when it comes to sex, and it can save a lot of heartache. I think that a lot of my problem has to do with me being home all the time with the kids & feeling like a single mom because my husband does not help out much other than paying the bills. (which I am grateful for, but it doesn’t exactly put me in the mood!) He also gets VERY angry when he doesn’t get his way, so maybe that is something you can ask the guys about later on….how should we as women deal with a man who is sexually frustrated? I’ve tried everything it seems from just doing it for him regardless if I want to or not, to just holding out & being mean about it. No one ever taught me how to handle these situations so a blog like this could have helped a lot back then! To you girls reading this please do not think all men are sex starved, because some are not. Men just tend to need physical interaction to feel loved more than women. For me I would rather him do the dishes! :-}

  4. Jess says:

    Kelly, thanks for this!! I’ve been in a Christian environment my whole life, but I had never heard the other side of the line “bride of Christ”! He is our Husband and when we enter a relationship with him, we are creating a marriage.. and we should be taking time everyday to talk to him.. and when we give in to sexual sin, not only are we going against our future husband but we are going against our current one! Marriage is such a better example than a friendship when compared to what our relationship with God should be!!

  5. Gina says:

    Kelly, Thank you for another amazing blog. I am turning 18 next week and I’ve never had a boyfriend. Never had sex, never been in more physical contact with a guy than a hug. Not even kissed. I am going off to college next Fall, and I feel a little insecure that I’m not “as experienced” than mostly everyone my age. I have this problem that when I like a guy, like you said I give him my all. I was always the one to write love notes and such. I know there isn’t anyone who is ever going to satisfy me, other than Christ. But there is that sinful desire I have. I wish I had a boyfriend, or just to have sex. I put this image on of how proud I am, on my purity. I do take pride in that, being I’m just about the only one my age that is still pure. Not judging other, but it’s the truth. I than find myself telling people “I’d be ok with dying alone.” But in reality I don’t really mean that. But then, I think of the love that Jesus has for me, and it brings me to tears the promise He made that I believe in. I am His bride, and then I start feeling bad that I even have these feelings that I would even want to be with any other guy. Jesus should be enough for me, I know He is, but my sin keeps me from feeling otherwise. I appreciate that you and Heather write these blogs. I don’t really know if you’ll read this, or that it was even necessary for me to just spill all of myself out like that, but I figured why not?! If you have any tips on how I can truly stay “pure hearted” not just by not having sex, but truly finding and putting all the energy I have for guys into Jesus, please let me know.

    • Bethany says:

      Kelly and Heather I want to thanks you so much! I can’t even tell you how much this blog and especially the last few posts have helped me! I don’t even know where to begin. It is taking a lot for me to type this. When I was little I was sexually abused and so I have sort of always had this warped perception of sex. I grew up in a Christian home but for a long time I really hated God for allowing me to be sexually abused. I have struggled with sexual sin and the shame from it. Because of the shame and guilt that came from it I turned to self harm to try to make myself feel better. None of it worked. I thought that because of what I had done and because of my sin I would never have anyone to love me. That I was never good enough to have a husband who loved me. Last year I was with my youth group at a Tenth Avenue North concert and for the first time heard that there was a difference between shame and conviction. This gave me hope. But I still failed and was still confused. When I read the post from the other day I just broke down and then again today reading this one! This has helped me in ways you can’t even imagine! I can see hope! I can see who God really is and how things are really supposed to be according to His plan for sex. I can see that the ways that I have seen sex isn’t the way that it is supposed to be. I have a changed heart! I want to move forward remembering Micah 7:8-9. Thank you so much Heather and Kelly and Tenth Avenue North!

      • Bethany says:

        Sorry I didn’t mean for that to be under yours Gina. Oops

      • agirlikeme says:

        I don’t know if you’ll ever read this, but I couldn’t find another way to contact you.
        Just wanted to let you know that we received your letter tonight at the Holland show and I am moved to tears. I wish I could have met you in person… maybe one day. Thank you for being so honest and open and for sharing your deepest areas of your heart. You have no idea how both Heather and me and the band was so moved and encouraged by your words. Thank you…

      • Bethany says:

        Kelly, Heather, and Tenth Avenue North, I don’t know if you will see my reply to you but I’m really happy my letter got to you! I wasn’t sure if it would make it to you guys because I didn’t give it to you personally. Thank you so much for taking the time to touch my heart by being so personal with me! It’s really a blessing because I know how busy you all must be! I don’t know if you will want to contact me further or have time to but if you do I posted a comment on the Tenth Avenue North facebook page on the 6th. I said something about being one of the girls in front with the signs. I don’t know if you could add me as a friend on facebook or email me or something. If you have time and would want to contact me I would love the opportunity to talk to you further! Thank you again so much! You are such a blessing from God! Bethany

    • Kaitlynn says:

      I turn 18 on Oct. 6 and I’ve never dated or had a boyfriend. Like you I never kissed a guy, only given them a hug. Just thought it was nice to find someone else like that! :)

  6. Larissa says:

    Wow this really hits home with me, it’s just what I needed to read! Thanks!

  7. Lisa P. says:

    Kel, Love your boldness! Love your passion for truth and for allowing other girls to have for free what you have worked for through your experiences and your tears and your triumphs. Love you friend.

  8. Catherine says:

    “Here’s the irony- the greatest thing about sex is that its not the greatest thing. It is not the ultimate but was created by the ultimate.”

    This line really hit home. For so many years I often thought that sex was the end goal…whether I wanted to admit it to myself or not. Now I’ve experienced God in a real way and even though I’m still a virgin…I know sex pales in comparison. He created a beautiful thing in sex (and I’m learning of the beauty while recovering from lust), but He is the One I want.

    I TRULY pray I won’t ever forget that.

  9. Janie says:

    wow….very well written. In these past few weeks, I have “jumped” back into my faith, and so many things are making so much more sense now, as to why I feel or used to feel the way I do/did. I am speechless, and don’t know where to begin with what I want to say. I do know, now, that Christ has been here all along, next to me, being my husband. Why couldn’t I have seen that before, why was I running? Because I was scared. I am no longer scared.

    Thanks for the wonderful words as usual.

  10. Haley Shields says:

    Oh, wow…I think I’m going to go cry now. God touched my heart through this very, very much. I knew sex was more than just a physical act, but I didn’t exactly know what it was for (except for babies). I have actually had questions about this. Now I see how beautiful it is. I am so amazed by all you have posted here. Wow.

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