My Weak Flesh Part Two

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September 6, 2012 by agirlikemee

I picture you sitting there in your room, heart pounding, palms sweating, reading the words that God gave Heather to give to you.  You are left feeling encouraged that you are not the only one in the struggle of lust and yet filled with questions.  Full of hope and yet scared out of your mind.  And hear I am, a sinner and struggler just like yourself, heart pounding, palms sweating and about to dive into a pool of puzzle pieces that I have a hard time fitting together.  All the while Im attempting to bring hope and life into a world that is full of darkness and full of lifeless hearts going about their days in lust as if it’s no big deal.  I am passionate and I am afraid all at the same time.  Passionate because I too have struggled with lust, I too have desired sex disregarding God and I too have failed many times sexually.  I’m afraid that my words will not leave you feeling encouraged but will leave you feeling bad about yourself.  My heart here longs to bring encouragement and hope into your weary heart all the while bringing conviction and desire to fight.   And as I have read… the Bible is full of both grace and conviction.  So will you grab my hand, as we strugglers of lust jump in with both feet and hold our breath for the impact of truth that leads us to repentance and the impact of grace that leads us to the love of Christ?!  I begin with a prayer because we need Jesus to open our hearts to truth.  “Thank you God that your Son purchased our freedom!  Thank you that we are not only no longer enslaved to sin, but we are also freed from the law!  Please shine on our understanding and open our hearts to what the Spirit wants to say to us today.  And then please grant us grace to see ourselves as we really are: not a slave to lust but your beloved daughter.” Amen

The Spirit knows that what we need isn’t more rules.. it’s freedom!  I’ve grown up my whole life being told to not be physical with boys.  Don’t hold hands cause that leads to kissing, don’t kiss cause  that leads to making out, and don’t make out cause that leads to sex.  And sex, well that leads to hell does it not?  At least that’s what we were made to believe.   Don’t do this…. don’t do that… no no no.  Rules!  I lived my life believing I had to just obey the rules or else.  Or else what?  Why do I have to follow these rules when my body is telling me something totally different?  It’s not that big of a deal.  Everyone does it and they all seem to be just fine. Or at least they look just fine from the outside.   Lust for me began as an emotional lust.  A crazy desire to have a boy love me.  That’s all I wanted.  Looking back that is what I spent most of my high school and some of college in pursuit of.  I wanted to be noticed so bad that I was willing to stretch the rules until I eventually broke them.  I knew that dressing a certain way to get boys to notice my body was wrong.. but I didn’t care.  As long as I was noticed than eventually his longing for my body would turn into a longing for my heart.   As time went on I began to see that I no longer just wanted a guy to want me I wanted to be sexual with him too.  It made me feel loved and accepted. So all this to say I am here to tell you that I failed.  I failed in so many ways sexually and it not only affected me, it affected my precious husband not to mention many other people.   I only cared about my feelings.  I too was left alone in my guilt and shame only to find that one morning I woke up and there was no more guilt and shame.  I became numb to it and had found myself no longer feeling the conviction.  I felt guilty for not feeling guilty.  I had quenched the Spirit and at the same time couldn’t understand why these momentarily satisfactions no longer made me feel secure and loved.   So I am here to tell you that rules is not what I offer you, but what I offer you is sweet glorious freedom from not only your shame and guilt and possibly apathetic hearts, but freedom from being bonded to lust!  Galations 5:1- ” For freedom Christ has set us free; stand firm therefore, and do not submit agin to a yoke of slavery.”

“Slaves have no hope; they resent their maters, and they will always escape if given the opportunity.  On the other hand, adopted children who are freely loved will choose to serve out of astonishment at their father’s generosity and their undeserved liberty.  Such powerful love endues them to fight against every desire that might displease their father.  Slaves don’t love; children do.”- Fitzpatrick

” Jesus comes not for the super-spiritual but for the weak-kneed who know they don’t have it all together.  As we glance up, we are astonished to find the eyes of Jesus open with wonder, deep with understanding, and gentle with compassion.” – Manning  While you were yet sinners, women who give in to lust, Christ died for YOU!  You are covered by His grace that covers you like dew every morning.  Your soiled robe is washed in His blood.  I can focus on all the times that I gave into giving my body to a guy and all the times I gave into feeling good rather than listening to what I knew my heart was telling me.  Or I can accept that I have messed up and will probably continue to mess up, but choose to see myself as Jesus sees me.  Washed and clean and free.  He died so that we may be set free.  And free we are and free we can live.  ” Grace strikes us when we are in great pain and restlessness.  It strikes us when we walk through the dark valley of a meaningless and empty life.  It strikes us when year after year the longed- for perfection does not appear, when the old compulsions reign within us as they have for decades, when despair destroys all joy and courage.  Sometimes at that moment a wave of light breaks into our darkness and it is as though a voice were saying: You are accepted.  You are accepted, accepted by that which is greater than you, and the name of which you do not know but some day will. Simply accept the fact that you are accepted and you will experience grace.”- Paul Tillich  If you have failed and have given into your flesh to find that you are no longer a virgin… you didn’t blow it!   If you have found yourself giving into lust by masturbation… you are not ruined!  If you have given into lust and found that you look at things that you know is wrong… you are not soiled.  God does not throw His hands in the air and walk away giving up on you.  You are forgiven dear girl!  My heart breaks knowing that there are so many of you who have given into lust and now feel like you have ruined yourself for eternity.  My heart breaks at the thought of your tears streaming down your face because you have failed and feel like there will never be a Godly man who will look at you with godly love.  You have been forgiven.  Why else would Jesus die for you!?  For me??  He loves us even in our failures… and there are men out there who see what God sees-  they see a woman who has been given much grace and probably has a better understanding of the gospel than those who try and live in perfection. There is hope for you, there is forgiveness for you and there is the rest of your life to live not in your shame but with confidence that you are loved and free from yourself.  Grace never ever runs out. Take your hands away from around your knees and draw them up to accept this priceless gift.

So now that you see that you are covered in His grace, freed from slavery to lust, and loved no matter what you have done sexually… it’s time to lift your head off the floor and fight it girls.

There is a war.  A battle for your soul because that is just how precious and valuable you are. Manning says- ” We secretly tell ourselves that the call of Jesus is too demanding, that surrender to the Spirit is beyond our reach.  We start acting like everyone else.  We don’t fight, we wallow and hope that eventually we will just wake up one day and the desire will be gone.”  Don’t you feel that way at times?  Have you given up?  Or so focused on yourself that you don’t see the importance of this?  Satan approaches us in two ways.  First with temptation.  He feeds us lies such as these- “You deserve this!  Why not give in?  It feels so good and everyone is doing this.  You want to feel loved don’t you?  You’re missing out on what everyone else is enjoying.  This is the ultimate satisfaction.”  The lies fill your head faster than your heart can stop them.  Slowly you begin to give in… a little more here.. a little more there until you find that you have just fallen in completely.  It is in this moment that Satan than approaches you with accusation.  ” See, you’re disgusting.  You’re not worthy of love.  Look how much you have failed.  Look at yourself, naked and ashamed… God doesn’t love you.  You’re worth nothing.  No one will ever really love you now.”

Does this trigger any of you?  It sure triggers me… because I have seen this at work in my own life.  I have believed these lies more times than I want to admit.  But that’s just it!  It’s all lies strait from the pit of hell.  And we can fight against these lies.  This is where my passion comes in because I don’t want you to do what I did.  I went through so many years not fighting.  I stayed in my little apathetic world thinking it wasn’t that big of a deal if I got naked with this guy or had oral sex with that guy, I lived under the Grace of God and yet had no regard for Him.  And now I see the consequences.  I see the hurt I have caused so many people and I have battled with feeling shameful even after being married.  Sex no longer was a good thing… it was a shameful thing.  What God intended for my good… I abused it until it started to eat away at me.  So I’m here telling you to fight the urge.  Fight the lust and the sin that so easily entangles you.

The root cause of lust and the lack of fight comes from NOT KNOWING GOD!  You know what your fighting against, but you may not know what you are fighting for.  Knowing God draws you to Himself and away from your flesh.

1 Thessalonians 4:3- 8- ” For this is the will of God, your sanctification, that you abstain from sexual immorality; that each one of you know how to control his own body in holiness and honor, not in the passion of lust like the Gentiles WHO DO NOT KNOW GOD….. because the Lord is an avenger in all these things, as we told you and solemnly warned you.  For God has not called us for impurity, but in holiness.  Therefore whoever disregards this, disregards not man but God, who gives his Holy Spirit to you!”    Do you know God?  So what kind of “knowing” am I talking about here?  For the Bible says that even demons declared that Jesus is the Son of God.  They had more head knowledge than the disciples.  So this is not the kind of “knowing” I’m talking about.  It is the knowledge of God’s GREATNESS, GLORY, BEAUTY, POWER, JUSTICE, GOODNESS AND TRUTH.  Unlike mere head knowledge it HUMBLES YOU, WINS YOU, RAVISHES YOU, DELIGHTS YOU AND HOLDS YOU!  It is a fierce and satisfying love.  Knowing God is so real and so satisfying to your soul that when any attitude, thought, emotion or addiction threatens to take that knowledge as though your very life were threatened… you fight it!!!  1 Peter 2:11- ” Beloved, I urge you to abstain from the passions of the flesh, which wage war against your soul.”

It also says the Lord is an Avenger!  Those who ignore this commandment to stay away from sexual impurity will face the wrath of God.  It is a tough pill to swallow girls.  It’s hard words to hear… but this is the Word of God.  If you ignore His commandment to abstain from sexual immorality there will be consequences you would never want to face.  So I urge you!!!!  I beg you… do not ignore this.  Let me be more clear… to ignore this commandment of God is to say that you struggle with lust but you don’t care to do anything about it.  It doesn’t mean that you don’t struggle with it and aren’t fighting against it with the power of the Holy Spirit.  It is a matter of whether or not you pick yourself back up, take the cup of forgiveness and drink it down, and fight again.  There is a battle for your soul.  Get up off the floor, throw out your computer if you have to, get rid of your phone if you have to, surround yourself with godly people who can encourage you and help pick you off the floor when you fall.

The way to fight lust, dear girl, is by feeding faith with the knowledge of an irresistibly glorious God!  Do you meditate on His word day and night?  Do you read great books of God’s character?  Do you surround yourself with godly people who can encourage you and lift you up off the floor when you fall?  Do you pray daily that God would awaken your heart, that you would have the capacity to be ravished by the glory of God with the emotion and a joy overpowering all the passions of lust?  I know there are those of you fighting.  Yet you believe that you can pull yourself up by your bootstraps and can do it yourself.  But then find that sooner or later you are confronted with the painful truth of your inadequacy and insufficiency.  Your bootstraps are cut.  Which leads to discontent that flowers into gloom.  But God is whispering to you all the while…” My grace is enough for you: my power is made absolutely perfect in your weakness.”  Rely on His power and not your own dear girl.  It is a fight that not only you will be fighting but the Spirit will be fighting for you.  You can fight it because you have the power that is made perfect in your weakness.  You can rest in His goodness and love which will then lead you to fight against your flesh and die to yourself.

So I leave you with the best news of all.  Jesus took your punishment while He hung there on the cross.  He took your lust, your impurity, your failures and dirtiness upon Himself.  He saw the time you gave your body to that guy and He took that upon Himself.  He saw the time you masturbated in your room and He took that from you and laid it on HIs own shoulders.  He saw your thoughts when you looked at that guy and He took them to be His own thoughts.  We deserve the punishment of death.  But praise be to God that He gave His only Son to take our punishment for us.  Why?  Because He loves you and He wants you to live free.  You are free to struggle, and you are not fighting for freedom but you are fighting the fight of faith driven by a love that far outweighs any feeling that this world has to offer.  Do not live in your past mistakes or in fear of what the future holds.  Today live as who you really are.  A child of the Kings.  Blameless and pure.  One day at a time.  And the shame and the guilt will fall from your shoulders whenever you fail.  Because Jesus is so in love with you and He will be there at every moment you need help lifting your head when you fail.  Accept His grace and allow His love to draw you away from yourself and into His arms.  God can and will make something beautiful out of you.

“Blessed are the pure in heart for they shall see God!”- Matt. 5:8

 

 

 

31 thoughts on “My Weak Flesh Part Two

  1. Kelsey Blanchard says:

    So encouraged by your words today. Thank you! God is good ALL the time, no matter what we think or feel. I was wondering if you all could possibly share some wisdom and knowledge on what are pure, holy boundaries to have with your boyfriend? I have done some research but find that physical boundaries about dating are not really spoken much about in the bible, it’s kind of gray! Any thoughts or experience would be awesome! Thank you again!

    • Jennifer says:

      Hi Kelsey,

      Just a quick thought about your question above. I think often times we wonder, “how far is too far or where do we draw the line?” I think we need to shift our perspective when it comes to the physical part of our romantic relationships. Think of it this way- a little girl is playing near the street. Her mother tells her not to get too close to the road because cars drive by fast and she doesn’t want her to get hurt. It would be crazy for that girl to see how close she could play next to the cars without getting hit. Rather, her best chance of not getting hurt, her best chances of being safe are within the comfort of her own yard.
      When we think about physical boundaries- we shouldn’t think of “how far can we go without sinning”, we should think “how Holy can we be?, how pure and Godly can this relationship be?. Kind of changes the way we see things.
      In a practical, day to day sense, creating boundaries is a good idea, in fact, a GREAT idea. Making up the rules as you go along allows you to justify things you probably wouldn’t have if you had thought it through before hand without all of the “in the moment” feelings. I’m not sure how old you are, and I certainly don’t want to sound condescending, but if you’ve never thought about it before, rules like, “We won’t get under the covers together in bed- even if we’re just watching a movie.” Or just balancing the amount of time you spend together alone are good ones to start with;
      One more thing- I heard a Christian family/sex therapist say one time, in talking about premarital physical intimacy-you can touch areas of the body- everywhere but where a bathing suit goes. It’s important to know where your weaknesses are. If your stomach is really sensitive and touching there turns you on (pardon my frankness), it’s probably not a good idea for your boyfriend to touch your stomach when you’re alone. Those areas don’t have to be “private” and can be different for everyone. Just know your body and the warning signs- if you get my drift.
      Hope this helps a little! :)
      -Jen

  2. To a certain extent they were right about the holding hands leads to a kiss…kiss leads to making out…and so forth……of course when we’re young we just roll our eyes…lol

  3. Lisa says:

    wow Kelly..this is incredible! What great encouragement in your words…grace never runs out….just makes you wanna say “Ahhhhhh”…:) Love how you mention the ways to fight lust…meditating on God’s word..surrounding yourself with godly people who encourage you, etc. Def awesome points. I know you mean this blog mostly to younger girls, but being a middle ager, you have no idea how this speaks to me as well (and I have been married for 26 years!) God bless you and Heather as you reach out to girls across the board….love you girls!!

    • Godsgirl:) says:

      i can relate to you , ive also never had a boyfriend .. ever.. and i have also come to the realization that God knows what is best for me .. and i know that what truly long for is for Him .. for God and that my heart must be satisfied in him .. because not even the Godliest Guy on earth can give me what he can give me .. and it would be unfair to put such pressure on a human being .. i must find my satisfaction in him.. sometime i even feel tempted to be mad or resented with Him because he is not doing what im asking him to do ( just give me a boyfriend already) haha .. but it hits me .. he knows better!! and he should be my ultimate goal .. my most prized possession ..hes not just a the ends to my goal.. he is the goal… its easy to forget soometimes .. when everything and everyone makes me feel like i wierd for not having a bf ..just wanted to share .. its good knowing im not the only one :) .

      i love this post :
      “the root cause of lust and the lack of fight comes from NOT KNOWING GOD! You know what your fighting against, but you may not know what you are fighting for. Knowing God draws you to Himself and away from your flesh.”

      i got chill when i read this part.. wow… this is sooo Good.. thank you for writing this and for letting God speak you .. and speaking truth so boldly and loving and tenderly .. God is soo using you .. HE IS WORTH IT :) the journey might not always be easy .. it might get uncomfortable , it might be painful.. but its glorious and beautiful..and he is with us all along .. guiding us .. perfecting us .. teaching us . he loves to reveal himself .. and he is in the process of us more like Jesus .and the more we ask him to come close , humble ourselves before him .. knowing that apart from him we are nothing .. the more we get to experience him and what he truly feels for us .. i love this post :) thank you soo much God bless

  4. Janie Hague says:

    These are such powerful, and encouraging words for me to read this morning. I felt that most of my life I have gone through this journey of faith, alone, but with the power of music. Ofcourse i have friends, godly friends, we have worked at camp together, but somehow it seems at times like they don’t care.
    I have felt since I was in high school that why can’t God just let me have a boyfriend, well here I am 23 never havd had a boyfriend. I have the thoughts of why, and look at boys and think, man they would be a great boyfriend. But I think I have relized in my journey sort of on my own that God does have someone in mind for me, he has a plan, he has written my Love story. Just right now, and for the past 5ish years I have not been in the best place in my faith. I feel once I can turn all my burdens over to God, and fully trust Him is when the things I disire most, may just happen. However everytime i turn my burdens, sins, etc over to God I just can’t seem to fully let thme Go! Why? I have no idea, i try and try and try, but its like I can’t forgive myself of my past, so why should God forgive me. When all I want though is to be fully forgiven, when i know i already have but can’t seem to rap my mind around that simple fact.
    So thanks for your words of insparation this morning.

  5. Brenda says:

    Do you know me!? I feel like you were sitting here with me in my school library speaking directly to me. I was brought to tears because of how much I’ve needed this. Jesus is my only hope to overcome this horrible lust and I need to keep in prayer to fight against this.

  6. brynleigh says:

    Kelly, this is great. And Heather, part one was great as well. Thank you so much for writing this. I was also brought to tears when I read it. It is exactly what so many of us need to hear. Thank you so, so much.
    -Bryn
    PS- I like the line about being free to struggle…I wonder how that idea popped into your head… ;)

  7. Happy in Nature says:

    Thank you so much, Kelly. I have found ways to fight and they have paid off, but now I realize that there is more fighting to be had. I realized that praying my struggle (naming whatever dirty thing it is) to God and realizing His power and love has made a difference. A close relationship- no secrets- with God has changed my life. I’m tempted to mourn the days lost, but I have chosen to live from here on out. God’s mercies are new every morning and so my fight is renewed every morning. God forgave me for yesterday’s failings and I can start from today.

  8. I’m sitting here, cheeks stained with tears, wondering how God’s love is so big. He loves me so much that He used YOU to show His love for me. No one has ever spoken to me in the way you spoke to me, a girl you don’t even know, a girl just barely holding on. Your kind words and sweet voice made me feel as if I was sitting on the floor of your bedroom and you were hugging me as I confessed my deepest fears and struggles and you loved me anyway Thanks for being so obedient and listening to God so that I could feel less alone in my journey. Thanks for being my friend.

  9. Holly says:

    “the capacity to be ravished by the glory of God with the emotion and a joy overpowering all the passions of lust”
    …to be ravished by the glory of God…wow!
    That phrase is powerful….that desire aches in my heart…oh please let it be me Lord, I want to fall madly in love with You alone. Show me how.

  10. Natalie says:

    The timing of this blog is nothing short of a God thing as I sit alone in my house as broken as I ever dreamed of being. I’ve made horrible mistakes in my life and it literally took years to accept that I am forgiven only too have my husband try to keep me held hostage to that shame. Words cannot express the feelings I have and I needed so desperately to hear again, I am forgiven. God bless you!

  11. Sarah says:

    Thank you both so much for writing these last two blogs! It has really hit home for me as this has been an ongoing struggle. Shame has me so bound that I don’t feel I can share with my close friends yet at times I feel like I should. I feel I should be “passed” it and it should be done and gone.
    Anyways, thank you for letting me know I am not alone and for sharing.

    • Rebekah says:

      Sarah, I just wanted to say I totally understand you. I just feel God leading me to connect you with a little bit of my own story. You see, I grew up in a Christian home, and I was supposed to be this perfect little Christian Pastor’s Kid. I was saved at 5 years old, but from early middle school up until mid college (and as much as I hate to admit, still comes up at times) I have struggled with an addiction to porn and masturbation. I, like you, didn’t feel that I could share with anyone – and I lived in solitude and shame. It wasn’t until 2 summers ago, the summer before my junior year of college, that I finally opened up about my life with those around me. The acceptance that they showed me made me realize that I wasn’t alone. That I wasn’t broken. That I wasn’t a screw up. It was their love that made me realize that God sees me the same way – He loves me and forgives me, and I have been made complete and pure in Him.
      Anyways, I’m not trying to tell you what to do, but I just hope I was able to encourage you a bit by what I’ve learned.
      I love you because HE loves you :)

  12. Jessica says:

    If anyone is interested…. right around the time Heather and Kelly published this particular blog, I was listening to a sermon by Tim Keller called “Sin as Slavery”. I feel like it is a really good parallel to what is written here. You can listen to it (and other sermons of his) at this link: http://sermons2.redeemer.com/sermons/sermonlist/1. I’ve found his way of teaching to be a real help for me and the thing I love most is how he ALWAYS ends with the Gospel (or at least any sermon I’ve listened to has). No matter what he is teaching about, he always concludes by pointing you to Jesus and the cross and how, ultimately, the only way you can experience a true change in yourself is to truly come to KNOW the majesty and grandeur that is God and His love for you. This truth is something that I only just recently (in the last 2 years or so) have started to realize and even now find it hard to remember/believe at times. Anyways, just wanted to share!

    “To see the law by Christ fulfilled and hear His pardoning voice, turns a slave into a child and duty into choice.”

  13. Kelly says:

    Wow, where do I start. That was so good. The cool thing is that is just want I needed at this time. I still have so many things I want to know tho. Like how do you forgive your self for what you have done, how will I ever be able to tell the guy I marry what I have done. There are so many things going through my mind.
    I want to thank you so much for doing this blog. I don’t know what I would do with out you to help me see that I am not alone in this. That most of all that God still loves me for how I am. THANKS!!!!

  14. Lauren says:

    Incredible. Accepting God’s grace and feeling pure and worthy have been big struggles in my life. Thank you for speaking God’s wisdom and clarity over all of us women who feel we have nothing left to offer.
     “My heart breaks at the thought of your tears streaming down your face because you have failed and feel like there will never be a Godly man who will look at you with godly love.  You have been forgiven.  Why else would Jesus die for you!?  For me??  He loves us even in our failures… and there are men out there who see what God sees-  they see a woman who has been given much grace and probably has a better understanding of the gospel than those who try and live in perfection.”
    This verse hit right on how I’ve been feeling for so long. Finally realizing I need a Godly man in my life but at the same time not feeling I’m worthy of a man so pure has left me broken and confused. Thank you for your encouraging words. I know there is freedom waiting for me. I must take hold and run with it. His grace is sufficient.

  15. lacleveland says:

    What a great subject. So nice to know god has forgiven and forgives me. I now know why I’m not married. After last week and expressing my desire to be married I understand now why I’m not. No man would ever want me if he knew my past. God may forgive but man…..well they have a word for a past like mine….it’s not nice. My heart is broken to tears……

    • Kelly says:

      Dear Lacleveland.

      My heart breaks for you in the fact that you think that there is no guy who would ever marry you because of your past. I am here to tell you that that is a strait lie from satan himself. Do not believe this lie. I do not care what you have done that you think is so unforgivable by man… but my dear girl… GOD IS BIGGER!! He is so much bigger than your past… and like I said in the post, there are most definitely godly men out there who love God so much and know God that they will forgive you also. No matter what it is you need forgiveness of. So… no. That is not why you are not married. The reason why you are not married right now is because God still wants to do a work in you. He loves you too much to not pursue you and ravish you with His love. He has you in the time of singleness for a reason and a purpose… and I encourage you to live “Rejoicing in hope, patient in tribulation, and constant in prayer.”- Romans 12:12 You are made new and wiped clean when you are forgiven in Christ… and there are men out there who will see you as nothing but.
      I pray your heart not only forgives yourself.. but also believes the truth over lies.

  16. Anonymus says:

    Kelly and Heather:
    THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU!!! Thank you so much for this! I’m sitting here in an empty house reading this out loud to affirm things to myself. This week, I have been struggling with masturbating and I’ve been so scared to talk about it. It’s like I’ve been hiding it in the dark, but I know that God sees it. This post kinda brought things to light for me, so thank you. Do you guys have any tips on what I should do next? I want to battle this lust in me and I know that this is gonna be hard, but I think I’m ready. Any suggestions?

    • agirlikemee says:

      Dear Anonymus.

      I encourage you to first find someone whom you trust and has a relationship with the Lord. Confess out loud to them. I know that is so very very hard… but it is the first step to healing. You will need at least one person to be there for you to encourage you and help you. It’s a battle we cant face on our own. Also I mentioned in the post to meditate on the word. Find verses that speak about lust and find verses that will be an encouragement to you that you can carry with you throughout the day. Be constant in prayer. Surround yourself with Godly people. The more you get to know the heart of God the more you will be able to fight against lust. And always remember… Jesus sent His Spirit to be with you at all times. The spirit will fight with you when you are fighting, and the Spirit will fight for you when you are weak. His power is made so perfect in your weakness. Take one day at a time. And don’t ever forget that even when you fall… you are loved beyond understanding. That will never change.

    • Anonymous 2 says:

      Dear Anonymous (and anyone else),
      (Disclaimer: I have a lot to say and so I have to admit my reply is going to be LONG!)

      First, I applaud Kelly and Heather for having the guts to put their reputations on the line by being so honest and biblical about the darkest areas of the female mind, which Christian circles are afraid to discuss. (Or else they deny they’re real, which benefits no one and is a complete lie.) Thanks to you two ladies, all of the women posting on here prove that guys ARE NOT the only ones who struggle with lust.

      Secondly, I have LONGED for an accountability partner that I could trust with my grittiest issue – masturbation. I have never found one because I’ve never tried to find one, out of complete fear of what people would think of me, and because of doubting if I could truly trust someone with such a dirty secret of mine. (I don’t know if there’s any way for Heather and Kelly to somehow share email addresses between people who post on here, but if there is, I would be more than willing to have an accountability partner in this way.)

      I have struggled with masturbation since I was about 4 years old. Four years old! That is NOT normal! From my own memory, I can’t recall ever being molested or sexually abused in any way, so I have absolutely no idea how I ever began doing this. None. What I do know is that my parents and my sister knew I would do “weird things” and they made fun of me for it. This hurt me because I didn’t know what I was doing, and I had conflicting feelings about it. My parents never once tried to talk to me about it.

      That being said, I’ve struggled with this sin for 26 years all on my own. My family members are – I hope – the only people that know about this. I’ve never been able to bring myself to tell this to even my closest girl friends because I’m afraid of what they’d think about me from now on.

      Over the past few years, I’ve tried to find online devos or accountability counseling for this sin, but I’ve not been successful in finding anything that directly pertains to masturbation. I was looking for something along the lines of an anonymous, online forum where I could share my thoughts and know I wasn’t alone in this. At first, I was frustrated with myself because I really DID think it was just me, struggling alone, with this gross sin, and that I wasn’t normal. I didn’t know of any other way to possibly deal with my struggles anonymously, other than maybe finding some advice online. All of the women’s devotions (that I found, at least) were either sugar-coated or were beating around the bush with their articles about sexual purity and identity in Christ.

      As I’ve struggled with this and have decided to work extra hard at finding ways to fight Satan, I’ve come up with 3 techniques that I personally find helpful. I’d like to share them with you, in case they can help you too:

      *Just like with a guy, create boundaries between yourself and the temptation. Whether it be something you wear, some type of music, a thought, or touching a sensitive part of your body, if you know that it will or could cause you to masturbate, don’t go anywhere near that! That’s easier said than done, including for me, but what I HAVE to do is train myself to NOT think too long about the guy I like, or not look at a beautiful woman in a gorgeous dress and imagine I could be her, because I know, eventually, my thoughts will lead me to the place I’m trying to get away from. If you need to get rid of a piece of lingerie, or music, or whatever, then you probably should. It’s hard, because, as single women, we long to feel sexy, but at the same time, we HAVE to remember that God is our #1 Lover and doesn’t want us to live like that, out of context.

      *Whenever you feel yourself starting to go down this road of struggle, find a way to fight. Maybe you need to keep the lights on when you go to sleep, or maybe you need to create a meaningful routine for yourself each time you go to bed or know when you might begin to struggle, like getting up and walking around for a bit. For me, it’s saying “NO!” loudly a few times, even when I’m lying in bed with the lights off and am ridiculously exhausted. I did do this a few months ago, and it worked to kick Satan out of my mind so that I could sleep.
      This is SOOOO important, because Satan knows exactly what you struggle with and how you tend to react to your struggles. He’s a jerk and delights whenever you follow him. Like Heather and Kelly have said, he also delights in making you feel like crap afterwards. However, God ALSO knows your struggles and your reactions, and He’s rooting for you to OVERCOME them! It’s so hard to work hard at doing, but if you think about it, who would you rather have rooting for you – Satan or God?

      *Each time you overcome your temptation, REJOICE! Thank God for that! He is so strong and helps strengthen you to do things like this! Maybe even do something fun for yourself to celebrate having overcome a challenge, like treating yourself or having a unique devo time with God. However, BE ON YOUR GUARD because Satan is going to be absolutely livid and will work as hard as he can to make you fall into your temptation yet again. He’s pretty powerful, but God’s supremely powerful and is also fighting for you.

      As I’ve written these words, I have felt God typing them on my keyboard for me, because this isn’t a sin that is as easy for me to get rid of as I might have made it sound here. Part of me doesn’t want to get rid of it because I’m afraid of never getting married. However, I have to remember that’s Satan wanting me to find an excuse to justify my actions that God clearly has commanded me to NOT do. Another part of me says I can never overcome this on my own, so I should just give up and accept that I now know I’m not the only one who struggles with this. Again – Satan. (Jerk!) And yet the other part of me says that I’ve always had a choice about how I react to anything, even to sexual thoughts and masturbation, and that I CAN overcome ANYTHING with God’s help, no matter how lonely or hopeless or huge it feels.

      I’m shaking and crying as I write this, but starting right now, from this minute on that I’m typing and posting this, I’m going to fight harder than ever before to get rid of this sin in my life. I know that it’s keeping me from enjoying blessings that God has planned for me that I can’t see right now because of what I’m letting happen to me.

      But I know I can’t do it alone, and now I know that I’m not alone or the only one who desires accountability. I don’t know exactly how to make that happen online, because I’m not tech-savvy, whatsoever, but if Heather and Kelly can figure out a way to send someone my email address on here, you have my permission to do that.

      Also, Heather and Kelly, I think you two are the youth leaders I wish I’d had when I was a teenager. I don’t think enough people in the church are brave enough to discuss this sensitive stuff with one another, let alone with teenagers who seem to need it the most. From the bottom of my heart, thank you for this blog for your honesty in each blog post, even though they made be hard for you to type, at times.

      • a girl like you says:

        I don’t know what exactly an online accountability system would look like, but I’m willing to give it a shot (I commented below). I didn’t say it before (there’s that shame factor again), but my struggle is also with masturbation. I’m 21 years old and it started about 3 years ago. I really recognized the fact that it was a deadly sin at a conference in Atlanta called Passion 2012. I’ve been struggling through how exactly to battle it since that time. So thank you, Anonymous 2, for some additional advice on fighting this monster.

        Anyway, I’m also interested in having some help hold me accountable. I’m willing to give you my email address via comment if that is what you want to do.

        Once again, I’m so relieved not to be alone. What an awful lie the enemy tells us.

      • Laura says:

        I couldn’t help, but reply to your post. You aren’t the only one who started dealing with masturbation so young. I was 5 or 6 when I started. I think the thought of it being basically a lifelong struggle can cause such despair, as if that means that you can never have victory over it. I can tell you that’s just 100% untrue. Around the time that I met my husband God did some radical stuff in my life, and one of them was to bring freedom in this particular area. I didn’t struggle at all for the first month that my husband and I dated and after that, even though I had the occassional temptation or stumble, my struggle with this has never been the same. It became no longer an inevitability, no longer something that seemed to hold me in chains. GOD did it. He spent the last 3 years showing me how weak and inadequate I really am, humbling me and breaking my pride, and showing me that apart from Him I can do nothing. After a time of rebellion, I surrendered more of myself than I ever had. Then He freed me. I was so afraid that I would bring this struggle into my marriage. And now, though I am occassionally tempted, I am overjoyed to see the ways that God helps me to continue to walk in freedom and blesses my marriage bed.
        I hope you are encouraged, sister.

  17. M says:

    I find God’s timing so mind blowing. I needed to hear this today, and after talking to my parents and crying about this very subject… I read your blog. Then I cried a ton more.
    Thanks for allowing God to use you both through your writing. You both have blessed me more than you know and I look forward to possibly meeting you at one of the Tenth Avenue North concerts.
    You’re helping me heal…

  18. a girl like you says:

    Words fail to describe how much this post means to me. I sobbed the whole way through it. Thank you for writing it. Thank you for being so honest. I have been fighting to break free from these addictions for almost a year. I ask for your prayers that God would provide someone I could confess to and that He would give me the courage to do it. I have confessed to two different people, but neither of them were understanding. One of them is like a mentor to me, and when she reacted the way she did…it crushed me. I know confession is an important part of the healing process from sin, and I want so desperately to be healed and free. But Satan is telling me that day will never come. The depth of my shame is unspeakable. But thank you, Kelly and Heather, for starting this blog and writing these posts about deep, personal stuff. Thank you to all you who commented already. It all helps me recognize that I’m not alone in this fight.

  19. Rachel Rip says:

    This is very encouraging to me. I grew up in an environment where people always told me, “You better never touch a boy or kiss a boy until you are married!” I mean, it wasn’t that extreme, and my parents were pretty lenient about dating and stuff- but when it came down to it, my leaders, the people at youth group, and even my christian friends around me almost always seemed to push push push away my true feelings & wants. I always kind of suppressed what I really felt- because I was told to do so.
    But, now life is a process for me. I know it was by God’s grace and plan for my life that He has saved me from even having my first kiss, and I thank Him for that. I am soon to be 18 years old and I want Him to be my first love. See, no one ever told me that. They just kind of gave me a list of “do-nots” and then figured that I would figure out what to do… But, that list left me empty and left my heart searching for a “soul-mate” that I only found in novels and TV shows.
    Now, as I am older- I realize who my true soul mate is. A more mature and Godly perspective on the world has shown me that Jesus is my love, my number one love- and all of my time and focus should be on Him. Every day I care less and less about that future “perfect husband” idea that our culture has fed to me, and I dwell more and more upon the fact that I have my all-satisfier and all-loving, knowing, and powerful Creator. Jesus.
    I thank you for writing this. As I lead a small group of girls now that are going into 7th grade I won’t merely tell them, “WAIT UNTIL YOUR MARRIED!!” But, I will tell them, “Girls- all of your satisfaction comes from Christ- and He may bless you with a romantic earthly relationship, but remember- Christ is the one that really will fulfill you.”

    Thank you Kelly!

  20. Steph says:

    I struggled with this in my past as well Kelly & Heather. I am married now and it is affecting my ability to get close to my husband. We have been married for two years. My heart has become numb to my past manipulative relationship to the point I cannot at this time leave all of it at the Cross of HIS feet like I want so badly so I can truly live and let HIM take my ashes and turn them into beauty. So that I will no longer hurt my husband when I shift away from his honorable advances and turn away. So that I can be used by HIM and for HIS purpose, whatever it may be.

    I ran away, I hide, I swepted it under the carpet like dirt. Even after my ex-fiance died 2 years after I walked away ended the manipulative relationship I did not deal with that either, after being sexualily imorial for 6.5 years, 1.5 of them against my violtion, but to get the nagging comments and put downs to stop, there was a connection. I made it with my lustful desires, and I didn’t let myself grieve. Now I am working through or trying to. Writing in a journal, and I am NOT feeling anything. Except a desire to not write, and I know it’s Satan trying to hold on to me while I am trying to get closer to God. To heal so I can say to satan, go away get lost, i am not yours anymore.

    Please pray that God softens my heart, removes my numbness so I can be free. It has been 6 years since I ended that relationship that was emotionally abusive and sexual imoral. It has been 4 years since he passed away, and I couldn’t even go to the funeral because his father and I didn’t get along and I felt I couldn’t go without getting some sort of retribution or retaliation or blame. So no closure.

    Thank you both, and God Bless for you doing this, these younger Girls and older girls, all WOMEN need to hear this. If I only knew, who knows what wouldn’t or would have happened. That is pointless thinking, the only good thing is knowledge is power. However having a relationship, an active and true relationship with God is even more powerful. Thanks for writing this for other girls and having the courage to let it all out there.

  21. Thank you Kelly and Heather for writing this blog. I stumbled upon this one day on the Tenth Avenue North website. I’m sixteen years old and this helps me so much. Even though I’ve never done any of these things this article helped me see that yes I have to be strong and keep praying that I can be pure in my heart,mind and body. God Bless You Both.

  22. Lisa P. says:

    Kel, you and Heather are shining a soft and gentle light into a tender and secretive place and bringing freedom and hope. Keep speaking truth and revealing the power of redemption! It is glorious!

  23. Chloe says:

    Kelly, first and foremost, thank you so much for being so open about this topic and encouraging us. This is a topic that really hit home for me, and I read this exactly when I needed to hear it.

    There are times where I feel like my problems have messed me up forever, but your recurring message of “pick yourself up off the floor and let God carry you” meant so much to me. God is using you and Heather in mighty ways – please keep writing because your openness and encouragement is helping me (and others!) so much. Thanks again! :)

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