Ok girls. I am sitting here before you raw and undone. I feel like I don’t have much to give right now. You see… ever since I ventured into this blog, God has been stripping me and bringing to light struggles and sins that I didn’t even really know I had. Today I confessed them to my husband and broke down because I knew that these struggles I held onto would hurt him too. It was a moment of honesty and long conversation that eventually led to him wrapping his arms around me and telling me that he loves me even in spite of my crap. And even in spite of his hurt. So here I am worn out, mentally drained and with eyes so baggy from crying I can barely see the screen. And now Im supposed to tell you how to know if he’s “the one”? ha… It is no surprise to God that I had this hard conversation with my husband right before I was about to finish writing this entry. So here it goes…
Picture this
There’s a guy. A really really cute guy. He’s leading worship at your church. Great voice, amazing heart, super funny… ahhhhh your heart is melting. Could he ever like a girl like me? hmmm. Months go by. He likes you. He asks you out… Yes? No? Maybe? Most definitely yes. You’re dating. Things are good. But then wait… something in you doubts. What if there’s better than good? So you break up with him. Wait. You miss him. You want him back. He takes you back. Ahhhh… happy again. Couple months go by… wait. This is getting hard. He’s making me cry. I have to let him see my dirt? I thought it would always be happy and fun? You dump him again. Ok wait. No. I think I love him because he sees my dirt. Get back together. Love. How do I know if he’s the one?? I’m scared. You dump him again. Back and forth. Back and forth. And this is just a short insight into the dating relationship of me and Mike. ha
I am one who loves to be certain. I want details. I want control. I wanted the God of the universe to come riding down on a white horse and point his glowing finger directly at the one I was supposed to marry. And don’t we all? Wouldn’t that just make it so much easier for us? So less stressful? So much certainty that we wouldn’t have to use our faith?? hmmm
I wanted to give you an idea of my dating life to show you that I did not have it together. I did not know. It was a choice and I had to trust God and His leading. While I was dating Mike, I was so scared that I would miss out on the actual “one” God had for me. I wondered if I missed all the signs and “the one” who was really for me was waiting right around the corner. And I think that is a big trap that you can end up in. You can get so busy in trying to know or find “the one” that you’re missing out on what God has for you today. And ask yourself.. “the one” for what? ”The one” to make you happy for the rest of your life? ”The one” to make all your dreams come true? ”The one” to make you always feel beautiful, to provide for you, give children to you, take away all of your insecurities, complete your life and your every desire?? That’s what I wanted Mike to do but hear me when I say this…. Your future husband will not complete you nor fulfill you! He will not take away every insecurity that lies in your heart. I know from experience. The only One that can fill your voids is Christ. Your true husband. With that said, I believe that God is acquainted with all your ways (Psalm 139) and knows who you will marry. But I do not believe that there is only one specific person that God has created for you and if you miss out on meeting him or “accidentally” end up with someone else than you’ve missed the boat and it’s your loss. Let me ask you this… lets say theres a woman who gets married and a year later her husband dies in a car accident. Was that it? Her only chance at the one? There’s no one else she could love?
I believe that God has given us the blessing to love. And when you meet a brother in Christ that sparks your heart in God’s timing… you have the amazing opportunity to choose to love that person every day until there are no days left. That is who”the one”is. Someone who you are able to sacrificially love because you are drawing from the Lord to fulfill you and not drawing from that person. Someone who can point you towards Christ even if its away from himself. I choose to love Mike every day of my life. Regardless of my feelings and regardless of how he chooses to love me that day. And he does the same for me.
In the midst of our joyful life together there are days it is hard to love my husband… and God knows there are days (like today) that it is hard for him to love me. So even in this murky water where I am sinful and ugly at times.. my husband chooses to deny himself and love me every day… even when the feelings are lacking. And the result is a beautiful bond that displays how Christ loves us even when we are dirty and ugly… and He will perfectly love us every day even when there are no days left. That is what marriage is all about. Not us.. but about God and displaying His glory. Marriage is amazing girls. And I am beyond blessed to be married to a man who loves Jesus and brings so much happiness and laughter into our lives. But while you are single enjoy this time of being romanced by your Heavenly Husband. You are in a beautiful season when you can give your undivided attention to the One who created you and loves you more than you could possibly even understand. He CAN complete you and He WILL pursue you. Don’t worry about finding “the one”. Don’t live your life to find true love when the truest love for you is with you at every moment right now. God knows the desires of your heart. God has a perfect plan for your life.
So girls… step outside today and live! Live knowing that you are loved and you are worth being loved. Enjoy God today and ask Him to romance you in a new way. Don’t take this time for granted. I challenge you to leave any worries of the future in His hands and live fully in the present. Ask God to show you what it means to deny yourself and truly love. And before you know it.. someday He may give you the amazing blessing of choosing to love someone every day until there are no days left.
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Hey Kelly, I am don’t know so much about your past as what Heather has shared but how do you go about sharing you “crap” with your husband?(stuff that happened before marrying him). One thing I am scared of is if I ever meet the person I am to marry how to go about telling him of my past.
That last paragraph has me shouting AMEN!! I’m 41, never been married. God has been trying to court me since I accepted Christ 11 years ago but I keep looking for a man to fill the place only He can. I have struggled with leaving my singleness in His hands. I’ve had to to praise Him thru tears and broken whispers. The past few years especially, He’s been working on me in the area of relationships and my emotional junk. I don’t always like what He’s doing in me because the pruning hurts but I know He has only beauty in mind. I know that I need to be pliable in His hands because at the same time He’s working on me, He’s working on someone for me and the sooner I let Him have His way, the sooner that plan will come to pass. In the meantime, He has shown Himself to be the most wonderful, faithful husband any woman could ever need and I love Him more than I could ever say. Thank you for sharing your story. You’ve filled up my hope tank!
Kelly, Thank you for your honest and insite and for being vunerbale with us. Its an immense blessing. I needed to hear all of that!
I needed you today. Been struggling in my head with a ‘lost love’ of the past. I am happily married for 8 years to someone I love very much. And for some reason, a boyfriend from my college days invaded my head and just won’t leave. I keep thinking I should have chosen him, not the guy I was with at the time who is now long gone, and I blew it, even though all the choices I made back then lead me to the wonderful man of God I’m married to now. A man who I have let in, told all my crap to, and he still loves me, and, knowing all his past, I love him so. Yet this nagging won’t leave. Thank you for the reminder that Christ is the one who completes us! That will be what I cling to as my head still churns in the past with doubt and misery. The battle, as always is inside of us.
For Talitha===As to how to tell someone about your past — nothing easy about it! My husband and I wrote each other a lot of letters and emails. Was easier than trying to find the words face to face. But it opened the door for conversations and for lots of hugs and tears in person!
Kelly, thank you a million times over for this post! It may sound self-centered of me, but I feel like you were moved to write this particular entry just for me. I’m 31 years old and as single as they come. I dated the same guy for 3 years in undergrad, and really thought we would end up married. When I went off to graduate school (10 hours away), we drifted apart and eventually just ended it. That is basically my one and only relationship experience. I went out on dates here and there, but nothing ever developed. I have asked myself so many times, “Was he the one God had for me, and I totally blew it?!” or “What if I missed out on “the real one” because I wasted 3 years on this guy who I thought was the one…” It is something I frequently struggle with. It doesn’t help that my parents are relying on me for grandchildren, and the way things are going, it ain’t happening anytime soon! It is becoming a recurrent theme here lately that God is telling me not to rely on a man for my happiness and fulfillment…and you just reminded me again! So thanks! I will continue to pray for you, Mike, and your relationship. May it grow stronger every day! ~Elicia
Thanks for the post Kelly. Sometimes I wonder myself if I am with the one God wants me to be with, especially since we were not Christians when we got married. We have so many trials, and not-so-much in common. We will be married 9 years next month though, so at least we’re sticking it out! It’s nice to hear your perspective on whether God has that “soul mate” out there for each of us, because it makes more sense that God put us together for a reason…and it’s up to us to strive to make it work. I suppose God felt we needed each other, and we need to lift each other up. I do wish we had done things the right way by actually dating longer, not moving in with each other before marriage, getting pregnant before our wedding and not getting Saved until after we were married. If anyone is reading this please try not to make those mistakes because it really does cause problems that otherwise could have been prevented! I am a new person now, and I’ve learned from my past..for the most-part. I am expecting great things & many more blessings! Please remember us in your prayers!
Winter, bless you for being so honest about your relationship. God can make a message out of our messes & I believe He’s doing that for you because you’re telling your story to help others. God is good!
Thank you!
Hi Kelly!
Thank you for writing this, I’ve always thought that maybe I’ll never find the one. But I realize I already have the one and is name is Jesus.
Thanks again. I’m a big fan of 10th Ave. N
😄
Oops! I said “is name is Jesus” I meant “his name is Jesus”
Thank-you so much….I’m not super worried about my relationship status at this point because I’m only 16, but that’s something a lot of my friends are stressed about. I’ve never dated, but I’ll definitely remember what you’ve told me for when I do get a boyfriend!! You’re doing such an awesome thing with this Blog! I’ll try to remember you all in my prayers….Love you guys!
I totally agree with you Rebekah! Couldn’t have said it better
This is good stuff. I have been married 2 years and was 34 when I got married. I ended up marrying someone who had been divorced at 22, and had a teenage daughter. NOT AT ALL what I thought God had for me.. I struggled with whether or not he was “the one” because he certainly was not what I wanted or had imagained I would marry. He didn’t fit MY idea. But Thank God his ways are higher than my ways, and his plan for me so much better than I ever could have thought for myself. Michael is exactly what I NEEDED. He has been by my side every step as I have recovered more and more from my sexual abuse. His personality and unconditional love for me have helped me to keep going even when I quite literally want to give up and die. He loves me just like Christ loves the church, and we are very good friends to boot. Have we had some issues with his daughter, yep, but let me tell you, we started counseling 3 months before we got married and have continued to this day. It has helped with navigating us thru my recovery processs, stuff with his daughter, and just learning to communicate and navigate marriage in general. I think the church does us a great disservice leading us to beleive that if we wait till marriage to have sex and wait on the “one” God has for us that it will be so special and great… and you get the picture. The truth is that is hard, whether you wait till marriage to have sex or not there will still be sexual issues to be worked out in the marriage. No matter what there will still be stuff, because we are human, and relationships are messy. It is not easy, but when you find someone who loves you in spite of all the mess, and you can take the journey together, that is really really special…. and worth all the work. Kelly is right dont miss out just because you think there might be something better, remember our idea of Mr Right and God’s idea are 2 very different things.. but trust me Gods idea and plan is best.. So hang on single sisters!! I know God will bless you for your waiting and be with you every step of the way!!
Kelly,
Thank you so much for reminding me that it is only God who can fulfill me. As a teenager, I see so many girls who think that relationships can fill them up inside. I definently have a hard time not believing that lie. I think I’ve been taking this time as a single young woman for granted. Thanks for reminding me that all I need is Jesus.
Wow! God’s timing is so perfect — I needed to hear this today. Thanks for sharing, Kelly! I found this blog last week an I almost literally started jumping for joy and tearing up at the same time. God has been calling me and teaching me to be a transparent Christian instead of being more concerned with keeping up a “good Christian facade” and act like I never have struggles or face difficulties. When I found the blog it was just more confirmation from God and just straight encouragement for my heart. Thank you both!!!!!!
Kelly,
Thank you for being so honest!! I’m in college so it’s getting close to that time where you’re supposed to meet ‘the one’. My biggest fear is that I won’t be able to find a Godly man who will love me. That there is no ‘one’ for me, because of my past mistakes. I don’t wanna settle for someone who doesn’t love Jesus, but at the same time I don’t think I’m good enough to be loved by a Godly man. I hope one day God will bless me with a husband that wraps his arms around me and tells me he loves me in spite of my crap.
Kathryn, I’m in college, too, and I struggle with believing that a Godly man would see me as attractive as well, because of the sins I’ve committed. You’re not alone!
Kelly
Today has been really hard as I wait for the results of a biopsy and keep thinking that if I was married it would make all this uncertain so much easier to deal with. I struggle all the time with the fact I am 35 and single. Your post just reminds me that its not really a struggle other then I keep looking in the wrong place. I have been through a lot in my 35 years and there has really only been one person who has been their when I needed someone and that is my heavenly father. It just is hard sometimes not to have that physical being to hug or as Mike did you wrap their arms around you to let you know that they are there. Thanks for being so honest.
Kelly,
Thank you so much for sharing your story here. The man whom I think is “the one” introduced me to your husband’s group a couple of years ago, and I’ve always wanted to say thank you to both the group and you. You, especially, because my friend’s song for me is “Oh, My Dear.” With all of the “crap” I’ve been through in life (no poor choices, thankfully, but harsh treatment at the hands of others who should have cared), to have “the one” tell me to listen to that song meant more than the world to me.
I’m certain that he is “the one,” but not sure that we will be together because right now he’s obeying his parents by seeing other women (a big downside to homeschooling is that you don’t get to know anybody, really, and we were both homeschooled). I’m not certain that he’s going to come back. I guess, to all of those who read this: I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that God has moved in our friendship. I know that He has answered my prayers this way (in ways that can only have been His doing, so specific that it could only have been Him). I’m just not certain that “the one” will come back. From the depths of my heart, with tears threatening to spill out onto my face, I ask you to pray for my faith, and that all will go the way that will bring the most honor and glory to God.
Thank you again, sister, for sharing your soul with me. It’s good to know I’m not alone.
I love this Kelly so open and Honest I am loving your perspective… My dad has always had my back when it comes to guys. Although I have never had any of these problems at 21 I’ve only ever had two dates and that was just last year. I’ve always felt a little intimidated by guys… That might be a good thing, lol. I do want to get married and have a family someday and I know God has that all in control… it is hard to wait sometimes. I’m in a Beth Moore bible study and am loving it. I have been overwhelmed with all the goodness that I’ve been getting from bible studies I’m doing… I kinda see this blog as one too. I love this statement from Beth Moore… “The tomb is the only thing that should be empty” it is very encouraging.
another phrase I love is A woman’s heart should be so lost in God that a man MUST SEEK HIM to find her! Love it!!
You ladies are doing a great job… Thank you!
Thanks Kelly! Me and my friends were at the concert in Va just the past week. (We were the group of four 14 year old girls with Tenth Ave shirts on, haha.) We saw you, and we were all talking about how pretty you are. I sat there and thought ‘Man, she must have the life. Beautiful girl, has a husband that loves her, and too adorable kids. It’s so easy to look at someone and think they have it all together. That they dont make any mistakes. And to be honest and can make yourself feel like your the only one. But this blog reminded me that we all make mistakes. But at the same time we all have a God that loves us so much. And thanks for this. Thanks for the sacrifice you make to have your husband do the call of God in his life. Thank you for opening the eyes of so many ladies, and being so real with us. Thank you.
Kelly, may God bless you for helping girls like me by talking about your experience. THANK YOU for this topic that you wrote today. I’ve been blinded and been wasting my time looking for the one but you made me realize that one is with me at all times:) so thank you soooo much, and please keep writing, you and Heather really open my eyes and keep me going to see the Grace of our Beloved King.
Oh my goodness Kelly,
Wow. Thank you so much. I actually read this earlier today when I was sitting in a conference for work (I was bored to tears!!!!) and I literally had to fight back tears in the midst of a room full of people. Now, being at home and relaxing for the night, I can really take time to soak in the words and see Christ all over them.
I had the opportunity to meet your husband at a show once, and as my friends and I chatted with him, I thanked him for something that I will now thank you for –
TRANSPARENCY.
You don’t have to be so transparent.
You don’t have to be so real and neither does your husband.
But you are.
You aren’t afraid to expose your hearts – your hurts – your ugliness.
But you do.
I can’t tell you how much I appreciate that. It is so refreshing and honestly makes me feel a bit less crazy….hahaha. But in all seriousness, it is so encouraging to know that yeah, we are messed up. But YES, we have a great Savior and beyond that, a LOVE that transcends all understanding. All reason. All fear.
I live my life in fear. Every day. As a kid, I struggled with severe anxiety issues – to the point where I was in therapy for 15 years and needed meds for about 8 of those years. It wasn’t until I found Jesus and really trusted in Him that I stopped going to therapy. I needed and found Him.
Two weeks ago, I started having panic attacks again. I felt like God spoke to me today that I was struggling to maintain control and He was taking it out of my hands (and rightfully so). So of course, I sense this happening and my immediate reaction is to freak out on the God of the universe, because He is stepping on my toes!
I fear not finding the right guy. I feel like I am so obsessed that I am not focusing on the One who holds my heart, for all of my days. Husband or not, Jesus is the One who holds my heart. Even if and when I do get married, I cannot find my joy, satisfaction and hope in him. I can only find it in Jesus.
I fear that I am not good enough. That I am not pretty enough. That I am not thin enough.
Fear fear fear fear fear fear.
No WONDER I’ve been a nervous wreck! Man!
All of that to say – I understand. I am not married, but I get you. I get the control thing. I get the fear thing. I get it.
Thank you for being transparent. I could hug you right now.
But God….God is so good! Thank you for the reminder to fix my eyes on the One who holds all things together – including my heart. You are beautiful! Be blessed!
Thank you, Kelly. This is exactly what I needed to hear.
Hi Haley … well here I am right behind you haaa what’s the odds of that
Anyhow to Kelly .. I read this in my hallway sitting in my big beanbag while an ” incoming”.. was approaching my town…yea a bad lightning storm..but the storm passed and wiping my tears away I realized our storms will all pass away too…when God our Creator and His Son Jesus snatch us out of this world to be in eternity with them
Wow!!! Just what I needed to hear, I had been single for a while now but a couple of days ago I started dating this awesome guy. I during my days of being single I was working on myself ,getting closer to GOD and simply just seeking my purpose in life. Once I started dating this guy I couldn’t stop asking myself if his the one and I also felt guilty cause I didn’t where and when to call on GOD. Now I know that he is number one and our relationship should be for his glory!!!. Thank you for allowing GOD to use you. Stay blessed in Jesus.
Thank you sooo much Kelly for writing this entry!!! It fits so well with things I´m thinking about right now and helped a lot.
I´m totally on the same page with you about needing certainty and control. I always need to have all the knowledge before making a decision. But one thing I most recently learnt from my friend is that there´s no such moment when you know it all and you´re totally sure. Because as you said, we wouldn´t have to use faith and I´m sure that´s not what God wants us to do:) Faith is the thing we need to make a step even if we don´t know for sure.
I´m convinced that love is a choice just like forgiveness. It´s not about our feelings and emotions because they´re unstable and changing. That´s why we need to decide to love and stick to it no matter what. Because that´s pretty much what God did for us, didn´t He. He denied himself, killed His own Son and chose to see us as new creations and that´s how He showed us His love and the way we´re supposed to love.
So we need to gaze on Him so that we can learn how to love some other human being. And that is one of the reasons I completely fell in love with the idea of christian marriage. Because there´s God in the middle of it who holds it together and all the pressure is not only on those two human screw-ups.
So once again I want to say thank you for this. I´m also incredibly thankful for this blog to both of you and I can´t even describe by words how much God is using the music of Tenth Avenue North in my life and the way they minister to me with everything they do. God bless you all guys abundantly!
P.S.: there are couple more things I want to say and probably hear your opinion on but this is just too public for me to share so I´m gonna email you:)
thank you for shareing that. I have struggled with my single hood, till about a year ago i didn’t get that only God could fully complete my life and that being single was a blessing.
Thank you so much for this. This post was right on time. For a while now I’ve been questioning God and why He hasn’t allowed someone to come in to my life and when it will ever happen. While I truly know and believe that He will send someone in His time, it still gets hard, and this entry has really helped me in realizing that even more, along with the fact that God is truly all I’ll ever need.
My heart swelled when i read that Jesus wants to court me…..i’ve constantly told myself that Jesus is like my husband to be and wants to romance me and know everything, even though he already does, he wants to hear it from us…..sometimes i need to hear it from someone else, thank you!
Wow…..God is AWESOME! Lately I haven’t been living my life like a person who has the UNCONDITIONAL love from the God that has given his one and only son for me……mostly because I didn’t feel worthy of His love……….as your relationship with your husband started out, sometimes I feel that I do the same with God……there are times when I know I want to follow him no matter what, but then the doubt creeps up and I feel alone…….but this is mostly my own doing. I slowly start “flirting” with temptation and this takes my eyes off of “the One” So, today I am going to live my life like I am worth being loved because I am loved by a true God with a love I will never find anywhere else thankfully through Christ my intercessor…….
And when asked the dreaded question “are you married yet?” I am going to say “No, but I am building a relationship with the one and true God who wants to “romance” me with a love like no other!”
Totally agree. God loves us more than anyone else ever could, so why not hand Him your pen and let Him write your Love story?
Thank you sooo much for answering my question and providing me with such encouraging insight! Such a blessing
I am always wondering who God has out there for me and “the one” will come around. Thank you for helping me remember that God is “the one”! and always has been!
Oh wow. You totally made me look at “The One” differently. WOW! Thanks so much
As a middle-aged divorced woman who did it all wrong the first time around, I am sitting here crying and saving your post to share with my daughter someday. How my life might have been different had someone shared these truths with me years ago! Instead, I begged and pleaded with God to promise me that the man I was marrying was “The One”, and even though he came with plenty of his own baggage, I just added to it by expecting him to fill all the void in my life instead of drawing from the Living water! Even the BEST of men will have difficulty withstanding that kind of constant neediness and pressure, ladies! So now, although I crave the security a marriage might bring, what a glorious reminder to keep my eyes on “The One” who holds me in the palm of His hand.
i’m in a relationship right now with a guy. even though i know that he is not the “one”.. and i will wait for the “One” that God want me to be but meanwhile im going to cherish every moment i have with him. i did admit to him that i used to cut myself and his response to that was pretty awesome. im glad that i will be able to admit that to him recently. One step at a time.
Leyanet
Its funny how God works in ways that you never imagined. First off, I was recently brought to Christ around my 18th birthday towards the end of April. Last night I was sitting in bed thinking about a question that my non-christian friend asked me. He asked if my new relationship with God had somehow filled a void that I was present in my old life without Him. My immediate answer? Yes. And this is a true answer, but it got me thinking how exactly God filled that void. So for some reason, I had the itching impulse to get out of bed (at 4am) and sit down for an hour and vent all my thoughts into my journal. The funny part is, I wrote about exactly what this post states. How in my old life, I was searching for completion in the wrong things.. romance, true love, my relationships with men. At the time, it satisfied me. But those feelings were only temporary. Why was happiness such a fleeting emotion? Wasn’t there anything in this world that brought eternal joy? I didn’t feel loved even when I had friends and family all around me – lonely when I was surrounded by people, sad even when I was happy. Something was lacking.. a void in my soul. That’s when I found Jesus Christ. Here’s part of the journal entry that I wrote last night:
“When my friend asked me if Christ filled a void in my life, this is why I said Yes. God loved me then, He loves me now, and He will love me always. His love endures forever even when I didn’t know Him. Before I was seeking earthly joys: romance and human affection. But I see now that my relationship with God and my love for Him is the only one that truly matters because it is everlasting.”
I see now that His love for me has impacted my life in so many ways. Now when things are feeling so low, I feel joy. Joy that my struggles are bringing me close to Him. Even when I fail, I feel fulfilled because He loves me. I am living knowing that I am loved by the only love that can complete me. The part where you say ” The only One that can fill your voids is Christ. Your true husband.” struck a chord because you put it so perfectly. My marriage with Christ fills all voids. No earthly relationship can do this.
The reason why I find God’s work funny is because something prompted me to get out of bed at 4 in the morning to sit and write in my journal for an hour. It was God’s work. It was all in His plan to make me realize that my relationship with Him can complete me, and does. It was also in His plan for me to stumble across this blog and this post in particular. The same way He prompted you to write about your struggles, he prompted me to find my way to your story. Because we are not alone in our struggles. Kelly, you and I face the same hardships and God brought you to me for comfort in knowing that I am not alone. I thank God for his wondrous ways and I thank Him for you. For your honest heart and pure intentions. Thank you for your courageous words.
Love the story!
I have a confession. I have met Mike numerous times and thinks he is the sweetest person I have ever met. I admit I have put him on a pedastal foolishly believing he must be as close to perfect as they come. His love for God and his family is remarkable and I thought because he seems to always have the right answers and seems to be living such a truthful and Godly life that his life must be close to perfect as well. I have admired you thinking that you also must be just as close to perfect in order to have been blessed with a husband like him. After reading your posts on this blog I have realized that you are just as human as me and that it is my own insecurities that allow me to put people in these inaccessible places and make myself feel like I am less than those I believe are better than me. I have been so beaten up in my life that I feel like I am not good enough to be loved by a truly good man or even deserve it. I want to thank you and Heather for putting yourselves out there and allowing us to see you in some of your most vulnerable moments. It really does help people like me to see that we are all flawed humans and that we all fall, but that God loves us in spite of it and gives us far more than we deserve. I pray that God will show me how to love Him the way He loves me and become complete in Him first before I look to someone else to complete my life.
Kelly,
Wow. This post was amazing. Sorry I’m a little late on responding and reading it. It was so encouraging though and I needed it. I’m only 19 but I have felt discouraged time and again about finding “the one.” There’s so many people and things that tell us we have to find “the one.” And I know I’m still very young, but I have never dated a guy. Never even had someone I’ve been seriously interested in dating. It’s easy to start feeling undesirable. It’s easy to constantly focus on the future and dream of what my future husband will be like. It’s exciting, but it’s also a trap Satan has used against me. He knows that if he can just get me to think about guys and wanting them to fulfill my needs, then he’s got me.
Something that has helped tremendously though is actually one of your husband’s songs, “Hold My Heart.” This song has spoken to me in so many ways and in so many different situations. But one day it just hit like a ton of bricks in this particular area of my life. Here I was crying out to God asking if He was even paying attention to me. Then the chorus of the song played. “Would you come close and hold my heart?” I wasn’t trusting God. I was getting impatient because I was wondering if there would ever be anyone who would come my way. But the problem was I was trying to throw my heart at any guy I thought would be “the one.” I was wanting another flawed human being to hold my fragile heart. And I can’t even tell you what exactly what I did or what happened, but I prayed in that moment just for God to hold my heart. I was doing a horrible job holding it. I was running up to every guy with my heart in my hands ready to let him take a piece all the while looking back at God for his OK to carry on. He kept saying no. So finally I realized it was a much better idea for Him to hold my heart rather than me running around with it to see who wanted it and would accept it. And in giving it over completely to Him I trust that He not only will not hurt it and take care of it, but He’ll mold and shape it in the process.
I’m a visual person so it helps to picture these things. The picture I have in my mind now is God holding my heart, taking great care of it, while I sit by in awe of Him and only Him. And when He brings along a man to share life’s journey with me who is going to walk alongside me as we grow closer to God, he’s going to have to ask God for only a portion of my heart because God ultimately holds it. Your honestly and transparency has spoken to me in ways you will never know. I used to have this fairytale image of marriage. But I’m learning more and more that there is sooo much more to marriage. There’s heartache still, there’s hardships, there’s up and downs. And as weird as it sounds, and it’s probably easier said than done, that image of marriage sounds much better. Because it’s real and raw. It might not always be fun, but being able to share life with someone else who will have an authentic relationship with both me and God, that sounds good to me. Thanks again, Kelly! I know this is long, but I wanted to let you know how your openness has helped in my journey towards falling in love with God before I can fall in love with any man. I’m learning to take advantage of being single. I get to focus solely on God. He’s still got plenty of work to do on me before He brings along someone else into the picture.
Thanks for sharing this, Kelly. It actually helped me a lot. I’m sixteen (older than my mom was when she married my dad… long story) and I’m all worried that I’ll never find someone to love me. You know? I’ve been chasing lovers that won’t satisfy for so long, and this was really freeing to me. Maybe today I’ll stop looking for signs of “the one” and instead embrace the love the One and Only while I still have time to just be with Him. Ahhh, thank you!
I’ve never actually thought about it like that, that there might not be “only one”…. And I love the rest of what you said, as well. Thank you for sharing.
The marriage between you and Mike is inspiring. You both put smiles on my face. <3
Wow this just made me cry I know God has someone special for me and Mike seems so sweet ur one lucky lady I love Tenth Avenue North and his voice lol
thanks for those words of encouragement thank you that is just what I need
Okay, the first couple of paragraphs had me laughing (mostly at myself), because I’m sort of doing this to this man who I met recently. There are times when I know for a fact he’s the one, and there are other times when I feel like it’s just not going to work… We had both prayed very hard to find some one to love and to love us unconditionally; and we met in a really strange way. It would make you think, well it has to be him!
But I have so many doubts. He makes me feel like who I truly am. He’s constantly looking out for me and my future goals. He makes me feel like I AM who I am meant (and want) to be. But yet I still doubt. I don’t understand.
I wonder if it’s all these Cinderella/LittileMermaid/LoveAtFirstSight movies I saw as a kid that have me thinking that I’m supposed to be madly and unbearably in love with him right now. Then there is reality… I want to love him, but I don’t want to feel forced to do so, I want to stumble and fall in love… I’m so confused. Some times I pray to God to tell me if it really is him. I think I have my answer, but I still have these doubts. I also need for God to come in a giant white unicorn and slap me across the head and say “YESSSS IT IS HIM MAN! QUIT BEING SO STUBBORN”
Lol, I doubt that is going to happen… But thank you for your post. I can very much relate to it. Anyone who has been through the same or something similar, your advice is very much appreciated!