June 7, 2012 by agirlikemee
Ok girls. I am sitting here before you raw and undone. I feel like I don’t have much to give right now. You see… ever since I ventured into this blog, God has been stripping me and bringing to light struggles and sins that I didn’t even really know I had. Today I confessed them to my husband and broke down because I knew that these struggles I held onto would hurt him too. It was a moment of honesty and long conversation that eventually led to him wrapping his arms around me and telling me that he loves me even in spite of my crap. And even in spite of his hurt. So here I am worn out, mentally drained and with eyes so baggy from crying I can barely see the screen. And now Im supposed to tell you how to know if he’s “the one”? ha… It is no surprise to God that I had this hard conversation with my husband right before I was about to finish writing this entry. So here it goes…
There’s a guy. A really really cute guy. He’s leading worship at your church. Great voice, amazing heart, super funny… ahhhhh your heart is melting. Could he ever like a girl like me? hmmm. Months go by. He likes you. He asks you out… Yes? No? Maybe? Most definitely yes. You’re dating. Things are good. But then wait… something in you doubts. What if there’s better than good? So you break up with him. Wait. You miss him. You want him back. He takes you back. Ahhhh… happy again. Couple months go by… wait. This is getting hard. He’s making me cry. I have to let him see my dirt? I thought it would always be happy and fun? You dump him again. Ok wait. No. I think I love him because he sees my dirt. Get back together. Love. How do I know if he’s the one?? I’m scared. You dump him again. Back and forth. Back and forth. And this is just a short insight into the dating relationship of me and Mike. ha
I am one who loves to be certain. I want details. I want control. I wanted the God of the universe to come riding down on a white horse and point his glowing finger directly at the one I was supposed to marry. And don’t we all? Wouldn’t that just make it so much easier for us? So less stressful? So much certainty that we wouldn’t have to use our faith?? hmmm
I wanted to give you an idea of my dating life to show you that I did not have it together. I did not know. It was a choice and I had to trust God and His leading. While I was dating Mike, I was so scared that I would miss out on the actual “one” God had for me. I wondered if I missed all the signs and “the one” who was really for me was waiting right around the corner. And I think that is a big trap that you can end up in. You can get so busy in trying to know or find “the one” that you’re missing out on what God has for you today. And ask yourself.. “the one” for what? ”The one” to make you happy for the rest of your life? ”The one” to make all your dreams come true? ”The one” to make you always feel beautiful, to provide for you, give children to you, take away all of your insecurities, complete your life and your every desire?? That’s what I wanted Mike to do but hear me when I say this…. Your future husband will not complete you nor fulfill you! He will not take away every insecurity that lies in your heart. I know from experience. The only One that can fill your voids is Christ. Your true husband. With that said, I believe that God is acquainted with all your ways (Psalm 139) and knows who you will marry. But I do not believe that there is only one specific person that God has created for you and if you miss out on meeting him or “accidentally” end up with someone else than you’ve missed the boat and it’s your loss. Let me ask you this… lets say theres a woman who gets married and a year later her husband dies in a car accident. Was that it? Her only chance at the one? There’s no one else she could love?
I believe that God has given us the blessing to love. And when you meet a brother in Christ that sparks your heart in God’s timing… you have the amazing opportunity to choose to love that person every day until there are no days left. That is who”the one”is. Someone who you are able to sacrificially love because you are drawing from the Lord to fulfill you and not drawing from that person. Someone who can point you towards Christ even if its away from himself. I choose to love Mike every day of my life. Regardless of my feelings and regardless of how he chooses to love me that day. And he does the same for me.
In the midst of our joyful life together there are days it is hard to love my husband… and God knows there are days (like today) that it is hard for him to love me. So even in this murky water where I am sinful and ugly at times.. my husband chooses to deny himself and love me every day… even when the feelings are lacking. And the result is a beautiful bond that displays how Christ loves us even when we are dirty and ugly… and He will perfectly love us every day even when there are no days left. That is what marriage is all about. Not us.. but about God and displaying His glory. Marriage is amazing girls. And I am beyond blessed to be married to a man who loves Jesus and brings so much happiness and laughter into our lives. But while you are single enjoy this time of being romanced by your Heavenly Husband. You are in a beautiful season when you can give your undivided attention to the One who created you and loves you more than you could possibly even understand. He CAN complete you and He WILL pursue you. Don’t worry about finding “the one”. Don’t live your life to find true love when the truest love for you is with you at every moment right now. God knows the desires of your heart. God has a perfect plan for your life.
So girls… step outside today and live! Live knowing that you are loved and you are worth being loved. Enjoy God today and ask Him to romance you in a new way. Don’t take this time for granted. I challenge you to leave any worries of the future in His hands and live fully in the present. Ask God to show you what it means to deny yourself and truly love. And before you know it.. someday He may give you the amazing blessing of choosing to love someone every day until there are no days left.