June 5, 2012 by agirlikemee
Before Jeff and I got married we, like a lot of other couples, went to premarital counseling. The counselor we saw is a gentleman whose sole job is to counsel and minister to bands and their families. He has insight into our crazy world, and so he was therefore the perfect person to help guide us into this strange married life. In one of our first sessions he told us something I will never forget. He said, “In this life you have chosen you will find it holds unique joys and even more unique trials.” Of course I didn’t know then what he meant, but three and a half years later, I know now.
I really do love the shows on MTV and VH1 that depict the “real lives” of celebrities. Parties, private jets, champagne, drama, glamour wealth, etc etc. They make it appear as though it is the magical world and if you aren’t apart of it, you aren’t that cool. Well I hate to burst your bubbles gals…BUT THAT IS NOT THE CASE. So let me disspell some of these misconceptions for you.
One major misconception is the lifestyle lead while on the road. Again, most people assume this is something of wonder and amazement, but I beg to differ. REAL life on the road means sleeping in a 3ftx7ft coffin of a bunk, smelling each others stank, not being able to flush toilet paper down the toilet, and trying to stay asleep while your bed is literally moving. . When you do arrive in the city you are playing at, the lack of glamour continues. You mainly get to only see the inside of the building in which the show is at, shower in places where I think I have caught some rare diseases, and occasionally be forced to eat food that you wonder if it is really food to begin with. Life on the road is anything BUT glamorous. See? Unique trial.
But as there is to all things, there is a flip side. Despite the lack of glamour, life on the road is also amazing. You are travelling the country getting to see and do things you never thought you’d do, meet people you’d never expect to meet, and going to places you never thought you’d get to go. And the best part of all of it, you get to do it with the person you love most in this world. So for all of the crud that comes with a travelling lifestyle, it is totally worth it.
Another misconception would have to be the “fame” factor. It’s no secret that when you have a husband in the spotlight, there is a small amount of idolatry that is placed upon them. I’d even argue that the idolatry is even more present in Christian artists solely because there is that initial connection with sharing the same beliefs. I have seen, and still see, young girls and grown women oooh and ahhh over the guys in our band without ever giving a thought to the fact that they are husbands and fathers. In my presence my husband has been told by a girl that she thinks he’s hot, that she wants to marry, he is her world…etc etc. And despite the rage that floods me at their complete disrespect and disregard for our marriage, I am more saddened by the fact that all these women took away from the show was how hot one of the guys looked and how great it was to just get to touch them. And although I trust my husband to the ends of the earth and back, it still scary to know that I am sending him into a den of women who possibly do not have his and our best interest at heart.
On the other hand, I have met some of the most amazing people being married to a band guy. I have met fans whose love for the Lord and heart to serve our guys is beyond words. I have read letters from people whose lives were changed by the music the guys played, and I have even built lifelong friendships with some of the people I have met. I have met astronauts, FBI agents, Pentagon workers, Missionaries, truck drivers, stay at home moms, and giggly high school girls. And these incredible people are each etched into my heart, not for how they may have loved me, but for how they may have loved and served my husband.
In general, being a band wife is hard. It is being separated from your husband for possibly days at a time. It means having to occasionally be a single mother while your husband is away. It means sacrifice and distance, and more sacrifice and more distance followed by even more sacrifice. It is not for the faint of heart, and in my honest opinion, it is only something that God can truly call a woman to.
There are days I wish I was a normal wife with a normal husband. There are days I long for stability and normalcy and the simplicity of routine. And there are days where I feel like I can’t keep doing it and would love nothing more than to give up. Like I said, band wife-dom is tough.
However, in the end, there is no other place I’d rather be. Few things give me greater joy than watching Jeff do what the Lord has called him to and getting to see how his obedience to the Lord is helping others know Christ better. Understanding that the world is not about me, but rather about HIM, makes all the sacrifice completely worth it. So bring on the bad food and the exhausting travel schedules and the super sketchy showers. This girl is in it for the long haul.