May 31, 2012 by agirlikemee
Why hello! So now that this is the Island of We…I figured I would introduce myself as the new member to this island. My name is Kelly Donehey. Wife, mother of two beautiful girls, and friend to the beautiful Heather Owen. When Heather told me that she was going to start this blog… my heart literally skipped a beat. I was so excited and, to be honest, a little jealous. I have such a heart for girls and felt like this new blog was such a brilliant idea to bring about honesty and vulnerability within. Of course I wanted to be a part of it. After much prayer, Heather and I decided that we both felt like God was calling me to join in on the conversations. Heather is amazing and after reading many of her entries I have even more respect for her and I am beyond honored to be apart of this. So thank you Heather.
Now a little about me. This could be an extremely long story so I will just give you some insight and some hard truth. I grew up in a Christian home near Ann Arbor Michigan. The typical Christian girl going to a christian school and raised in a baptist church. Everything was pretty much “picture perfect”. I started dating this guy my sophomore year of high school whom I was crazy about. He became my world and we had plans to get married right out of high school. However, he decided to join a cult that believed you had to be absolutely perfect in order to go to heaven. After a long time of arguing about the matter we broke up and that is when the downward slope of boy “addiction” began.
I was devastated and did not know how to handle my emotions so I did the only thing that made me feel somewhat better. Find another guy and find him fast. I immediately started dating someone and became so emotionally attached and co-dependent on him that my every happiness completely depended on how he would treat me. My whole value and worth was dependent on this relationship and I was so convinced that if it ever ended I would be lost and unhappy forever. We dated on and off for 5 years. My anxiety was always present and depression came on extremely fast. He started to drift away from me and I couldn’t accept it. I felt like life was over. There was a time when I was on anti depressants, in counseling once a week, I stopped eating, and my parents would find me sitting in a chair just staring at a wall for hours. I would cry and sleep. That’s it. The only thing I had time for was to date other guys and my goal was to have a guy like me at all times. That was the only thing that made me feel worth something.
It wasn’t until I moved to Florida that God began to wreck my world. He brought me to my knees and broke me in order to bring me back to Him. Someone once told me that I didn’t believe God loved me. What? Of course I do! But the more I listend to my heart the more I knew they were right. I knew God loved me. But I didn’t BELIEVE He loved me unconditionally. I always felt the need to perform or be a certain way to receive attention from guys. And without realizing it.. that is how I started to view my relationship with God. I felt like I needed to be so good, perfect even, to know that God’s love wasn’t going to leave me. Let me just tell you… it’s not easy to get to that point of truly believing that God will love you in spite of your sins and in spite of your struggles. I still battle it from time to time. But once you begin to truly believe in God’s love for YOU.. all of you… that is when you start to see that your value and your worth comes completely from the One you loves you more than you could possibly understand. And more than any other person on earth.
I could write a whole lot more… but just wanted to at least give you a little insight into me. I am messed up… I get jealous, angry, frustrated, insecure, annoyed, mean and still battle with performance…I am here to tell you I am not perfect. And yet I give praise to the Father in Heaven who knows my heart… knows my fears… knows my insecurities and yet loves me all the same. Loves me to the point of changing me even when it hurts. I pray that God will use me to encourage you. I pray that God will help you believe in His undying love for you. I will be honest and open and real with you. Know that you are not alone.