Who’s That Girl? Heather’s Story
20May 24, 2012 by agirlikemee
Now before you get to thinking that I have gone loony, no, I am not telling my story all over again. I am starting a segment of periodic posts entitled “Who’s That Girl” that will highlight some very remarkable women I know and their path to freedom. Now I have plenty of stories to share myself, but these women have seen, done and experienced things I will never know. So to start things off I wanted to share with you the story of a woman ironically named Heather. In last weeks post which you can read here, I told you about a story I read of an incredible woman. After asking her permission, she has graciously allowed me to share it all with you. Please know that she too reads this blog and I know would love to encourage any of you if you need it. I hope you feel just as blessed by it as I did. Here is her story:
I am a Christian plain and simple. I am the daughter of the living God. I am a student, advocate and overall brutally honest type of person. I will listen, confront, comfort, empathize, love humbly and I will give you a fair shot in my life. Have I always been this person? Not by a long shot. Up until about five years ago I was a 20 year old college student just trying to make it by. I had Christ in my life, but he was far from being the center. I was thousands of miles from home in a small town where people did not lock their doors, and our college coaches pulled his athletes out of the bar. That is where I was found. During the week I was found either on the softball field, gym, bar or a church, although the church was limited. Despite my ability to play as a “Sunday Christian” I still managed to lead worship every week for the college group through the University.
You see I moved to this small town when I was 20 as a means to escape everything and anything I had ever known…not knowing that not only would I not escape it but it would follow me two fold. As child I was sexually, physically, verbally and mentally abused by none other than my father starting at age six and lasting well into my adult years. There was no escape, no help, and no resources for me to find safe shelter in a home that was broken beyond repair. By the time I was nine I had been sexually abused more times than I can recount now as an adult. At age 12 I thought I knew what it meant to love God when I just so happened to stumble upon a church youth group. I was the product of two alcoholic parents who thought that by drinking their life away their mistakes would disappear…the mistakes being myself and my two older sisters.
By the time I was nine my eldest sister was so far removed from my life that up until I was 18 all thought I had one older sister rather than two. High school was a joke, the only thing I wanted was to play sports and have as much sex as possible, both of with I succeeded at quite well. By my sophomore year, I had slept around with more people than I can recount, had become addicted to masturbation, and was also an elite athlete preparing to compete in state games. My family had nothing to do with my wellbeing, had nothing to do with the church I attended and nothing to do with how bad I was falling. By my senior year of high school I was an alcoholic, developed an eating disorder and had attempted suicide twice. I literally thought I was done, that if I had to wake up another day I would be dead.
Death was closer than I could have ever wanted it to be, both the elite athlete and eating disorder I spoke of…they both almost killed me. I was training at least 20 miles a day and weighing a whopping 80 pounds…WOW is probably what all of you are thinking right now…well yes WOW is right. Looking back, there is no logical reason I should have been alive. Thankfully I had a coach who made me strip down (I know I know HUMILIATING) in her office and said I needed help and I needed help now! I got the help I needed and moved forward. I though life could not get any worse than it already had.
My senior year of college to this day has been noted as the worst year of my entire life. In less than 24 hours I had lost three teammates in a deadly drowning incident when their care submerged into a local stock pond. The weeks that followed I know now it was by the grace of God I made it through.Never in a million years would I have thought I would have had to bury three of my teammates (FAMILY) in less than one week.
The moment everything turned for me was the moment I was leading worship the week after I buried my teammates and I felt HIS presence more than I ever had. In the middle of leading worship I fell face down, tears streaming and knew I had hit my rock bottom. I can remember crying out to God asking why, why was I abused, why did my teammates have to die, why do I have an eating disorder, and why does life have to be so hard? His response was simple. Because you are more, and I want you to show the hurting and broken that I am more. WHAT I thought, I am not more, and I am not going to show anybody that you are more, because obviously you have proved that you are not. I received an explanation I will never forget. I heard YOU ARE MORE, you have overcome more than most others could only imagine, you overcame aggressive abuse, you had to lose your sister, you made it through the eating disorder, you were there for your teammates when three had passed, and you cannot honestly sit here and tell me that you are not worth more than what you have been shown! I want you to go out and reach those who appear to be unreachable!
It is in that statement and my obedience that has led me to where I am today. I was able to reach teammates who seemed unreachable when I was approached about my strength through trial; I now work at a Domestic Violence and Rape Crisis Center as a child advocate. I daily GET to work with children and teens that are facing very similar and sometime to close to home situations to my own. I get to pray for them (in my head of course), I get to love on them and I get to show them the respect that they have always wanted and never received. At 25 I hold my elementary teaching license, and am in the process of receiving my M.A in both school and community counseling. God has thrown me gracefully into the exact situations that I thought I never had to face again; this time…I get to be a voice for the voiceless.
Here I sit stating loud and clear. I AM MORE, I am the daughter of the living God, I am blessed beyond anything I could have ever imagined, and I am doing it without alcohol, without masturbation, without sex and WITH GOD! For four years now I am able to regain a relationship with a sister after 12 years of no communication, I was able to bare witness on her wedding day to an incredible Christian man who sought out God to find her. I am able to interact and be a part of my niece and nephew’s life, and pour a Godly truth into everything they do. Again I say, I am more than what I have been through, done, seen and more than what anybody has ever told me. I am his DAUGHTER!
Beautiful…. That’s all i can say…. Moreover, You are loved Heather!
Wow, your story is so touching, i’m speechless! It is so ecouraging to hear that, thanks you so much for sharing that. Wow, She is so strong…
As Usual yet another Ahhh-mazing story… tears in my eyes! I love personal stories I think that they are the most freeing for both the reader and writer!! If you follow this link and go to the my story series this is personal stories from people in a church near me… such a blessing to be able to read and pass on such powerful things! http://pawpaw.freshwatercc.org/resources/sermons#series_16
I am completely blessed by Heather’s ability to share my story. I have been emailing with her back and forth, and felt it would be a good idea to share my email here. The reason I am sharing my email is because I know personally from writing it, and working with individuals who were in my shoes on a daily basis that what was written holds a lot of weight. I want to give the readers of this blog the opportunity to ask questions they have regarding anything that was shared here, whether that be abuse, self-esteem, lust, forgiveness or anything else. As you can tell from what I have written, I am a pretty honesty upfront person, and I do my best to help others understand that they are worth more. As I share with my clients on a daily basis, I hold to respect and trust more than anything, what is asked will stay between the individuals it is approached with.
For those of you have questions or concerns my email is heather.kelley23@gmail.com
Be BLESSED today
Thank you for sharing such a beautiful story of healing, redemption and grace. God is using you in amazing ways. Thank you for following Him.
You are a strong, smart & amazing young woman. I am a high school teacher who sees hurt in so many kids eyes because of the fact that the adults in their lives who should be protecting them are instead the ones causing the pain. I pray everyday to make a positive difference in their lives for God. Your story has encouraged me to keep reaching out to these precious kids. This world does not always make sense…my little girl died at the age of 8 years young after fighting cancer for 4 years…but God is good and the only reason I have peace & sanity in my life. God bless you for sharing your story and know that I will be praying for you! Your story gives me hope for my son who is now 19 and struggling with who God is…my daughter died when he was 14 and his best friend died when he was 17 so he struggles with trusting the God we’ve taught him about. God bless you!
Thank you for reading. I have the utmost respect for teachers in this world. After I received my teaching license and began teaching, I realized that there were so many things that a professor or book could ever teach you. I am sorry to hear about your little girl, we live in such a careless and unpredictable world. I will pray for your son fervently in his passion to find God in the midst of chaos. I can share this will you. Through everything I had been through, seen, heard and experienced by far the hardest of it all was the night that I lost my teammates. There was not one thing that could have prepared me for what the following months and years were to hold. I can also share with you that it was the one thing that brought me the farthest away from an all loving God, and it was the one thing that brought me back. It is not an easy road, and as a parent I could not even begin to imagine what that road must be like for you, not will I pretend like I will. I will however say to you that the greatest thing you could do for your son and that have you have done is to bounce back trusting in a God more than any other thing. Continue to be blessed, and continue to love on the students you encounter, and be a voice when so often they have lost theirs. Continue to love on your family and your son in a way that will allow him clarity in the chaos that has taken place in his life!
Be blessed!
Hi Heather, I too struggled with masturbation and felt so disgusted and ill of myself after I did that actions…I knew it would give me instant gratification, but in the end I just felt disappointed and unforgiving of myself and my thoughts. How where you redeemed by this…ultimately ending in the action?
You know Candace, to be honest it was not an easy process and still to this day it is not an easy process. It is something that you have to want to change otherwise it will not. It was probably one of the hardest habits that I had to break because it was literally destroying everything in my life. I had to seek out Godly women in my life that were willing to accept me as I was, dirtiness and all and I had to trust in the fact that when I felt the need to masturbate I could call them just as I was. It is hard being honest with someone about such a “dirty” topic but it was so worth it. There is one thing that has kept me going through everything that is the fact that when I am defeated and fall, God still calls me just as I am…mess and all! That is such an incredible promise given by a living God. Come as you are. Do not get defeated when you fail instead fall flat on your face in surrender, knowing that God still loves you. I will heed this one aspect. I am not married but I do know that every piece of sexual pleasure that I give to somebody else is another piece I am robbing from my future husband!
I hope that helps.
Thanks Heather! I appreciate your honesty. I know I always hated saying the word masturbation, and maybe coming from a catholic faith it was more dreaded upon. Even in my prayers to God I wouldn’t even write the word and would say it under my breathe. I agree with you about the robbing from your future husband reality. I truly thank God for his grace in the elimination of masturbation in my life…however I do struggle with thoughts of it every so often, but it’s the Holy Spirit that saves me from it!
You are welcome Candace. I hate to say this, but I believe that we will always be rooted with the thoughts from past sins that have caused a roadblock in our lives. I can indeed relate to your not wanting to say the word masturbation. However, there is great healing and forgiveness in being able to verbalize the thoughts, feelings and actions that are taking place in your life. I can tell you that it was the one way my relationship with Christ was deepened, in my ability to be completely and I mean completely real with him in every way possible…
I’m struggling with spiritual oppression(partially because I was fearful, struggling with doubts & lies, false teachings like astrology), masturbation (recently realized it’s related to bitterness & fear of been hurt) and dealing with Cyclothymia, an emotional disorder that also affects my thinking. Yet I trust in Jesus for my journey & process that tests my patience and also grows it. Always looking forward to Christ’s return & God’s Kingdom established.
Your story, moved to tears, and reminds me to fight for a full life, here and now by continually setting my mind and living by His Holy Spirit.
I think you are a living, breathing miracle, and God has SUPER plans prepared for you! How many broken lives He will work through you to restore, I’m sure. I am sorry that you had such severe sexual abuse to endure…no child or adult should ever be subjected to that… May you continue to revel and be blessed in the knowledge of the beautiful creation of God that you are… and always have been!
The Lord is just and faithful. He has managed to take us out of situations we thought impossible. Praise His wonderful name.
Oh my gosh! This is almost my story. I can relate to all of it except the end. instead of an eating disorder i used self injury to cope. I’m currently living in a domestic violence shelter trying to restart my life. Please pray for me. I know Christ is with me and in me and I can do all things thru Him who strengthens me. I am more and I know I have been called to help others where I have been hurt. I have a bachelors degree in psychology with an emphasis in childhood and family development. I’m in school working on my masters in mental health counseling with an emphasis in trauma and crisis counseling.
My phone wouldn’t let me continue, sorry about the double comment. I’m working on writing a book about my fall into self injury and my spiritual journey out of it. As of today it has been a year and 24 days since I cut last. I have been through so much! Childhood physical, sexual, mental, verbal abuse. I’ve been raped twice, the first tape ended with a forced abortion. The second rape was the end of a domestic violent relationship. Almost three years ago my roommate killed herself and I found her the next day. I did cpr but knew she was dead, I just couldn’t accept that she died while being in the same apartment as me… Now I’m living in a domestic violence shelter trying to start my life over because the freak that I was with found me and attacked me again and made threats to kill me. so I live in fear daily, but I know God has my back and I’m going through this for no reason
Rachel your story breaks my heart. It breaks my heart to hear of such pain, and that fear you live with should no longer be. I am encouraged that you have gone as long as you have without cutting, and let that bring you peace daily. I too did cut, and I too did try to kill myself, but it just goes to show of the God we live for.
You are incredible Rachel, it takes great courage to heal and even greater courage to do what you need to do to heal. I can tell you this, being an advocate at a domestic violence and rape crisis center I find such hope in the women and children that I work with. They have gone through so much and at the end of the day they are more encouraging than any other one person in my life.
I pray that you continue on your journey to heal, and I pray that you continue on with your journey to spread awareness to those who have walked a day in your shoes! I will continue to pray for you, and pray that your life be transformed by the things you have seen, done and OVERCOME!
Keep your head up, it does get better…I know
Heather
Wow. I almost feel like this is my story: sexual abuse (repeatedly by my best friends father, my friends brother, and my babysitter’s son), the eating disorder and promiscuity in high school, resorting to alcohol (and drugs) to cope, attempted suicide twice. There were a few differences: I moved in with my boyfriend (who I later married) when I was 18 and shortly thereafter the mental and physical abuse began, the sexual abuse continued, instead of losing teammates (your family), my youngest son almost drown in the bathtub, and the ensuing legal battle with my (now ex) husband, who took my children and refused to allow me to see them for over 3 months. I finally reached rock bottom and it was then that I saw the light. I understand the reason for my suffering and I have a purpose. I am now 26 and I am pursuing a law degree. I am in the process of becoming a volunteer at a domestic violence shelter. I just recently moved, there were no shelters available where I lived. When I complete my degree I plan to be an advocate for victims of abuse by working with nonprofit legal aid organizations. I want to help others who share similar stories to begin the healing process. I also hope to one day help implement domestic violence shelters in the area that I previously lived.
You are incredible! I encourage and pray that you continue to keep on your God given path. You have such determination to help those who struggle and who have been in your shoes per say. There is great testament to overcome what you have been through and in turn allow others to see that there is healing in the near future. You know there are a lot of people who tell me that there is no reason we should ever have to face what most of us have faced…and there is truth to that. With that said, I know God does not cause the pain in our lives but I know he does use it. One of the best things I ever promised myself was that if I am able to help even one little girl not have to go through what I went through then everything I did go through was more than worth it…but it did take me a long time to get to that point.
I will tell you this, being an advocate at a domestic violence and rape crisis center is by far the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. I see things on a daily basis that hit close to home and truly shed light into the world we live in. Be certain that you have a strong support system when you enter into such a chaotic line of work and volunteer. I did not and it almost destroyed me for a second time. I was lucky, I have been blessed with an incredible support system and it came in the most unlikely of places. Your ambitions are courageous and I pray you keep at them…but please make a promise to yourself and that is you will take care of yourself!
Be blessed!
Dang. That was good!
I love how God tells her, “You are more.”
That spoke right to my heart.
Wow.
Blown away!