May 10, 2012 by A Girl Like Me
All my life I’ve dreamed of having boobs. Now I know some of you are thinking, “Heather, you’re a girl, of course you have boobs.” Well friend, you’re wrong. What I have can hardly be called boobs at all. For the sake of defining them, I’d call them boob-lettes. Either way, I have spent the majority of my life wishing for a bigger chest than the one I inherited.
Growing up I was always, and I mean ALWAYS made fun of for being built like a boy. I was made fun of for not wearing a bra, made fun of when I did wear a bra, joked about in class, and humiliated by boys that I had crushes on. Needless to say, the desire for any kind of boob-age was a dream I often had. And I knew the only way that would happen would be either by medical procedure or the joys of motherhood.
Quick anatomy lesson for you ladies: when you get pregnant, and eventually have a baby, your breasts will grow as they fill with milk so you can feed your baby and keep them alive. All very beautiful and what not, but for a girl like me, it was a chance to finally see what I would look like with real curves. And the reaction I had was not what I had expected.
By the time I got pregnant at age 28, it was the first time in my life I had ever filled out a padless bra. I just knew I was going to feel sexy and womanly-all the things I had dreamed of as a girl. Instead, I felt fat and ugly and hated that I couldn’t fit into any of my cute tops anymore. I loathed and despised my new curves, and was so happy for the day when I could get my little nubbins back.
It’s funny to me how much stock I put into the size of my chest into making me happy. What’s even funnier is how now that I do have my little small friends back, I begin to once again complain about their size and how unwomanly I feel with them. Grass is always greeener, right?
So when will we ladies stop being so caught up with how we look ,and improving those looks, that we can actually find contentment with the way God designed us? Honestly, I have no idea. I wish I knew how to rid myself of the daily war that takes place in my head telling me I am ugly, but I don’t. And honestly, I dont think I ever will.
I think the one thing I can cling to is this: I am MORE than how I look. Do you hear me girls? YOU ARE MORE THAN HOW YOU LOOK. When you stand before God, he isn’t going to say, “Hey ______, you really rocked that dress for my glory. Way to look hot.” Why? Because God has made us for more than lipstick and flat abs and a great set of breasts. And the truth is, until we can really believe that, we will always let the distorted lies that our bodies and our looks make us who we are consume us. And if you are like me, letting those lies rule your life is quite exhausting.
They say it takes 30 days to start a habit. So…for the next 30 days I am daring you, nay, I am double dog daring you to take up a challenge with me on defeating these lies that our looks define us. I want you (and I will be doing this too) to find the mirror that you mainly use every day to get ready in front of. On the top of that mirror I want you to write the phrase “I Am More Than What I See.” Next, and this is may be a big step for some of you, I want you to take a photo of yourself in said mirror and post it somewhere- whether it is here on this blog, your facebook, or your twitter. Because if we are going to really believe this truth, we have to declare it to the world.
Dear friend, my hope is that in these next 30 days we will begin to see that God sees, loves and has created us for so much more than our bodies and looks. And maybe, just maybe, we can begin to see that, at least for me, being flat as a board isn’t the end of the world after all.