May 8, 2012 by agirlikemee
I have literally been sitting at my computer for the last few weeks thinking of where to start. I mean, the things we girls deal with are so vast, it’s like making a drop in the ocean. I have typed, deleted, retyped and re-deleted this post time and time again (I’m even doing it now). And then the irony of what I’m doing hits me smack in the face. But let me back up a bit.
The one nagging thought when I first felt God calling me to write this blog was, “Why has no one ever done this before?” And as I began going through the process of preparing and planning for this, the answer became all too clear.
I did a survey trying to gain intel before starting this blog and one of the questions asked was why girls feel they can’t share their struggles. The most common replies I saw were: “They wouldn’t understand” and “I dont know how they would feel if they knew.” You see, we as women desire relationships more than anything else in this world. It is the beautiful and loving side of Christ that compels us to feel this way. On the flip side, loneliness then becomes our deepest fear. To be without relationship is to not have a life at all. So when faced with the pressure of spilling our deepest, darkest, ugliest secrets to our friends and loved ones (or the whole world if you’re nuts like me) is to risk losing the very thing we treasure most….relationships. So instead we do what we do best. We put on an “everything is fine” face and choose to live out our pain in secret instead. Which leads me to this post.
Why have I been deleting and retyping this thing over and over again? It’s because I’m scared. I’m scared no one will read it. I’m scared that I’ll offend someone and they’ll hate me. I’m scared that people will read this blog and think I am nuts or a horrible person. I’m scared of what my family will think when they hear about things that I have done that they’ve never known before. I’m so scared. So instead of starting out being bold and courageous, I have chosen to hide behind my delete button in the comfort that secrecy brings.
Last week, I read this blog post entitled ” Well-Behaved Women Won’t Change the Church.” In the post, the author writes something that rattles me to the core. She states: “Yeah, well-behaved women will not change the church. Instead, change in the church will come from not-so-well-behaved women who are willing to risk their pride, reputations, and “being liked” to stand for what God is stirring up in their hearts.” You see what she is saying there? She is saying that change….or in some cases healing…won’t happen until we let go of the fear of losing everything to do what we know God wants for us.
So there you have it. In order to move forward together and tackle these topics, we have to let go. We have to know (and I’m speaking to myself) that people may not like us. People may turn away from us. We may be rejected, mocked, and mistreated. But one thing we will not be is alone. See, just by reading this blog, you are taking the first step to being open with the fact that you are screwed up like the rest of us. And as myself and others continue to share our lives with you, we’ll begin to see that we were never alone to begin with. All we needed to do was speak up.