A Coming Out Of Sorts
44April 29, 2012 by agirlikemee
“Hi, my name is Heather and I am not who you think I am.”
If there was ever a twelve step recovery program for being a phony, I think this would be my opening line. I ‘ve often said this phrase to myself time and time again in my head, but the truths that follow the thought were always much too terrifying to ever really admit to out loud. Why is that you think?
From the time we were born, society (and especially our churches) have told us what we as girls are and are not supposed to be. We are told what sins are the “girl” sins and then thrown some vague, self-righteous step by step guide as to how to “fix” the situation when the sin may possibly arise. We are never greeted with grace and redemption, but rather a list of no-nos that leave us feeling like failures- ashamed and alone.
And that is what leads me here today. If I have learned anything in my meager thirty years on this earth, it is that I am a flawed human, capable of evil that would make the hairs stand on people’s necks if they knew about it. But no one does know about it. Why, you ask? Because a girl like me should never do, feel, think or act the way that I am sometimes inclined to. And so I am left with only two options: share my struggles with the world and be cast out of the Good Christian Girl Club, or cover it all up and lead a sham of a life so I don’t feel the sting of judgement and rejection. Boy, decisions decisions.
But that’s about to change my dear friends. Today, starting now, there is no more hiding. No more believing the lie that our sin is something to cower away from. No more believing that our sins are too great for others to not relate to and our God to not forgive. I am choosing to believe that there is hope and freedom and redemption in the sharing of life and hurt and truth. And I am asking you to take this journey with me.
A girl like me and you, we have a story to share. We have pain and wounds and a longing to feel that we are not alone in this world. We so desperately want to share our life, but the fear of what others may think of us cripples us into silence. All it takes is for one voice to rise up, to tell us that it is ok and then we are set free. And this is that place.
Dear girl, I don’t know where you are, but as time goes on, I hope we’ll get to know each other. And as you read, you will see that a girl like me and a girl like you, well, we aren’t so different from each other. And maybe, just maybe, we can find some hope for our pain and a chance to embrace the grace that God so lovingly gives. So the question is…..will you join me?
Preach it! Thank you for being so honest and vulnerable and for giving women a voice! I will join you, and I hope many more do as well.
I will join you. I love the courage you show in this. Way to listen to God and show Christ love in all you do.
I join in humility! Let’s humble ourselves enough, let’s get down on our knees and wash each others feet in love.
Heather, I am so excited tat you started a blog like this! Thanks so much!
How much of a reply do you really want, honestly??
(ha, couldn’t resist that one!) My name is Rachel, and I’m a believer who struggles with anger and anxiety and codependency. There is actually a 12 step program for people who deal with any kind of phonines, issue, struggle, sin, or whatever is politically correct today..it’s called Celebrate Recovery. My husband and I are co-ministry leaders. And boy, talking about taking off the mask when you come in the door, it’s pretty much a requirement. There’s no better way to live than in honesty, humility, servant-hood, humbleness….all the time knowing that as sinful and wrectched as I (we) am, I am still loved, adored and competely understood by my Lord. I’ll join you, would love to be a part of such a movement. Thank you for opening up and sharing! Count me in!!
Thank you so much for your understanding!! Count me in!
I think this is going to be a great tool for women. Thanks for starting this blog! I’m excited to see where it’s going to go and what great things it will achieve.
It’s funny, this blog is something special to me already. I will join you.
Hi heather im a huge fan of tenth avenue north and i saw your comment on their app so here i am. I feel like this came at the perfect timing! I really appreciate this because i feel like i can share my stories without being afraid of judgements:) thanks again heather!
Ps tenth avenue north is my favorite:)
Juliyah on April 30th,2012 at 10:04pm said: If anyone has had experience as I have, wealth is waiting at the well . Jesus knew the Sameritan were rejected. But He included her too even though she was an older woman. I have grown to love this little family. And they love me
. I hope & pray I will not be rejected because of my age. My pictures are on the wall section in the App. I do not look or feel my age 
! I found tenth Ave North through a series of returning 3 phones to AT&T and on the 2nd one I was trying to get all my Christian songs back & found this blue album & when waiting to download all the other songs I listened to one of 10th’the songs. I cryed. Then I pushed onto the trial tabs to listen to the rest & I bought them ALL 
Well… to make a short story long 
I took that phone back too during its 30 day trial period. Now I lost all my songs :.( So by the 4th phone I had them all back. And 10th Ave, has been w/ me every science 
I would love to join you! And believe me when I say you are no where near alone when you say that it feels like there are only two options. To share our struggles with the world and risk being judged by others, or to just cover it up to make people think that you have it all together. This is especially true for me right now because I am going off to college in the fall. I really want to be involved in a lot of things such as bible studies and the church choir and seem like an amazing Christian girl so I can get the perfect Christian guy and everything will just fall into place. But I have recently realized that that’s never going to happen unless I can be real with people. (I actually realized this through a tenth avenue north song.
So you thought you had to keep this up
All the work that you do so we think that you’re good, and you can’t believe it’s not enough
All the walls you built up were just glass on the outside, so let them fall down
There’s freedom waiting in the sound
When you let your walls fall to the ground
We’re here now)
So how could I expect to have a good relationship with anyone when I can’t be honest and open about my sins? When you share life experiences with others you build bonds, earn trust, and a lot of times good advice from other Christians can be incredibly helpful! You find ways to relate to people and realize that the past or some problems you might have cant define who you are, Christ does.
Amen sister! That is so true!
I am in the same boat and everything about going to college next fall! Also I don’t know anyone going to my college and I’m nervous to just join a bible study when I don’t know anyone… And same I don’t wanna be judged but I wanna be myself at the same time I’m just praying God will help me with these struggles and take away all of my fears of college
Heather I think that college would be a really good blog topic, just saying. Im only a sophomore in high school but I still think it would be interesting and helpful and I bet many others would like that too.
Hi, I’m Kate and you’re totally my twin. Nice to meet you.
Hi Heather. I would love to join you. I have many of the same feelings about feeling like a phony. I put on my happy face out in public and pretend that everything is ok when in reality I am so broken. I keep all of anger, regret, resentment, loneliness, etc, to myself and noone knows what is really going on inside of me. You feel like you cant tell anyone because people would not believe the person you really are. So thankful I have God in my life or I would be so much worse. Thank you Heather for making this blog. It really helps to know that we are not alone in our brokeness.
Thank you Heather! I’ve prayed that everything will turn out right for you to start this lovely blog and gracious God has answered my prayers!
I’m continuing to pray that many girls, including me, will be inspired and helped from the ever-growing problems and vices of this world…
God Bless!
-Georgie Jamison
I struggle with getting angry with my kids. I’m always humbled when they forgive me and graciously extend love. Wow! I also have a major problem of passing blame. Even if it’s obvious to me that something is my fault, I still find myself automatically trying to excuse why I did something. It happens on a daily basis! Isn’t it so hard to find that balance between hating the sin itself, and extending grace to yourself to repent and keep pressing on toward the wholeness of Jesus?
I lost everything I just typed…my finger barely touched the screen & GONE. So I’ll type later
Thanks Heather for starting this blog. I am always struggling so hard to not let people know me truly. I want them to think that I’m the perfect little christian girl, not the fallen messed up person that I am. And I find that not being honest makes things worse and I feel so alone and tired but still I hide and try to cover up all my sins and faults.
This blog came at the perfect timing, thank you again and again, and God bless you Heather!
Dear Heather … I am android tablet illiterate & did not realize it only takes my Gmail e mail…uuhh does that make any scinse?? So I’ve received a email finally from this site;@) So I’m entering in my Android Tablets Gmail e mail it likes
it doesn’t like my yahoo e mail 
Juliyah Wright
OhhI am Soon glad u made this site up
I love the other as they are my family in Christ& hope they’ll come on over here. Some still don’t know yet.. they need to know this site address
Appriciate it
Thanks for this!! Will be reading your future posts.
there’s this book: Not the Way It’s Supposed to Be by Plantinga and it goes into depth not only on sin but also God’s grace and shalom- the way ALL of God’s creation was intended to be. i think it could be really helpful for this blog.
“to speak of sin by itself, to speak of it apart from creation and God’s grace, is to forget the resolve of God. Human sin is stubborn, but not half so stubborn as the grace of God, not half so persistent, and not half so willing to suffer to win it’s way.” for the past 3 years, i’ve really fallen from God. i felt like i really failed God. and all my human attempts to “win” His favor led into even more failure. and life felt impossible. weighed down by all that made going to church impossible. it made going to God impossible. and it was after reading that quote from Plantinga that my fragile perspective of grace was broken. the cross is strong. God’s grace is strong, much stronger than all my many many failures and weaknesses combined. and that brought me hope, which was something completely void in my life for the past few years. this is pretty new for me and i know i’m going to need others to help encourage me and be willing to call me out when i need it. and i’m searching so thank you and kudos, heather. transparency has kind of lost it’s value in the church and it takes a lot of courage to start taking steps in the right direction. it’s encouraging and i look forward to taking those steps with you.
I know that it’s a God thing I ended up on this page. This blog excites me!!! I have had so many discussions with particularly females who are afraid of being completely honest with Christian friends. But I totally understand. Growing up in church, I have been around judgmental people all of my life, and I was one of them. There are things that have happened to me that I have NEVER shared with anyone, because I’m afraid of rejection.
I have a lot of friends who come to me with anything they want to get off their chest saying, “I feel like you don’t judge me like everyone else.” I have this rule: If someone comes to me saying “I did something bad…,” I never give them a lecture about how wrong they were. I do this because they already know they did something wrong. I listen to them and support them in moving on in a Godly manner. Past sin doesn’t have to determine our future. God forgives and forgets. We should do the same. As God shows grace, we should too.
I think that is a really good strategy how you don’t give them a lecture. Advice is helpful when people give it in a way where they are understanding but mostly just listening is way more effective than people probably realize
Thanks, Heather. I’ll be delighted to read more posts and talk to other girls about each others struggles. I don’t have many Christian friends I can talk to.
Thanks for starting this blog…I’m excited to see what God will do! Thanks for being vulernable. I’ll join you!
Count me in!! thanks for putting this up:)
I am going to share a little bit of my sins and my redemption and how’s the sins and redemption change my life, have a sense of Freedom in me but also in God. i was a victim of physical abuse.. pretty badly by my mom’s boyfriend. i started to get in fights and get in trouble all the time in school. at age of 15, I started to do drinking, drugs, smoking, tried to kill myself and had inhaled paints. by age of 18 and 19 year old… i cut myself for those two years. being abused definely messed me up. my redemption was June 17, 2011…where i gave up my razor blades to a Christian band at a festival…and hearing that song… made me think and blew me away. i remember thinking in my head…Like really? am i really more? i used to think my abuse, my suicide, my self harm, my drugs, my drinking, my huffing is who i am. that define me. i actually thought that. that is who i am and hearing that song was like a gospel in a way to me. to be honest i was definely a person wearing a mask…not showing the real me. because i was so afraid…they might not like me, they might reject me, they might judge me. that redemption and that song caused me to show the real me. to say hey! look my sins are self harm…i had cut myself everyday because of my abuse and that took a lot of courage for me to be able to say that. In june 2012..it will be my one year anniversary of freedom from self harm… and i feel so proud of myself now. i am like thinking now..wow i didn’t think i can do this, you know. it was hard at first but somehow i got through it. The Hopeline Community help me a lot. they gave me counseling and books to read about addictions and self harm. TWLOHA definely help me too. that is my freedom… being free from self harm is now one year… Unebelieveable right! i have a tattoo to remind me everyday that i am more than a cutter. i would smile because i truly believe that. because of my sins, my redempation..it got me to go to God…and get baptized and to believe in God. i am now learning each day, each lesson with God. i can’t wait to share that.
Thank you so much for sharing this! I can see God is doing a work in your life, and I KNOW He will be using your story someday to help other girls.
I hope so. i know God is proud of me and I know the band is proud of me as well and i hope i get to meet amazing people and make an amazing friends!
Congratulations.
Keep the good work up!
looking forward to the blogs to come!
This is an incredible idea. Being a senior now in college, I look back and see how much of my life I’ve kept from sharing my faith. In high school being in youth group and having a support system is so important, and leaving that comfort to go to college scared me. The first year was hard but CRU (Crusades for Christ) opened my eyes to the fact that I definitely wasn’t alone. The beginning of my junior year changed my life, and I grew so much in my faith (for another time or feel free to message/add me on facebook, /ashleymarieGVSU). For anyone going into college, it can be hard to try to fit in and remain a strong follower of Christ but it is definitely possible. Keep your chin up girls, and thanks again Heather for doing this, I’d love the opportunity to share my story when the times right.
When I first saw Jeff’s post about this blog, I was really excited about it! Now I am even more so! I have been so sick of hiding for so long, and God has very recently been putting on my heart to stop shoving everything down, and to let His light uncover and heal me.
I love this !!!! You said everything that I’ve had happen to me & now I’m getting free.
Wow! You are an amazing writer, very captivating
. Thanks for sharing. This is very timely for me. So needed to hear this. Thank you, Lord. Let’s do this, Heather 
Inspiring
Found this from Tenth Ave’s post. I can’t wait to read more. God bless you, you are going to be a light for so many readers 
I love this…..I just started a new church that values authenticity. After spending 28 years in a church where everyone including myself put masks on. I hated doing that and I hated pretending I didn’t have any problems. I felt like a dismal failure because I asked for help for two decades and all I was told was I have to have faith, trust, read my Bible and go to church at least 2 times a week. At one time I was attending church 5 times a week hoping that in doing so, God would somehow heal me. Now I am learning how to take off this mask that I have worn my entire life (my mother also rejected me so I learned to wear masks early). Attending a church where others have taken off theirs will help me. It is a wonderful and freeing to not where a mask and be who I am!!!!! I know that God’s desire is to take off our masks because God wants to shine His light to a dying world in spite of, AND because of our pain, weekness and failures.
Ooooops….I didn’t start a church, I started ATTENDING a church.
Ya i have problems that i try to hide with a smile
Thank you for starting this blog. I love what I’ve seen so far, and I’m looking forward to reading more!
I love what you guys are up too. This kind of clever work and exposure!
Keep up the wonderful works guys I’ve you guys to my personal blogroll.